On a Reddit thread the other day, a 40-year-old woman complained that despite having a conversation with her 44-year-old boyfriend about what kind of engagement ring she would like, he proposed to her with a ring she hates and that she would be prohibited from wearing at work (she works in the medical field, directly with patients).
She said: “I’m not much of a jewelry person anyway and nothing huge and ‘glamorous’ would suit my personal style, I don’t care for the look, and I would not be allowed to wear it at work,” she wrote.
She says her other half understood at the time, but then he “proposed with a giant brick I hate and never would or could wear”.
“I brought it up with him the next day after thinking about how to say it. He got very upset,” she explained.
“I wanted a simple band or silicone wedding ring because I cannot wear set stones at work, nor do I like large, glam jewelry and that’s exactly what my now-fiancé proposed with.
“I don’t like and can’t wear this ring. I suggested compromises and he’s insistent that I ‘deserve’ this ring….. that I hate and can’t wear. Help.”
My advice, since all she wants is a simple band anyway, would be to go to a jeweler together to pick out wedding bands and get exactly the band she wants to wear on a daily basis. She should keep the big ring she hates in a safe, and whenever her husband-to-be asks about it, she can remind him that she isn’t allowed to wear such a thing at work and it’s not her style anyway. If he keeps pressing the issue, she can tell him she loves wearing her wedding band and she loves the sentiment behind her engagement ring and the memory attached to the proposal, but she doesn’t need to wear the ring to be reminded of those things. If he *still* continues pressing it, she can tell him he’s either free to wear the ring himself or he can sell it and they can use the money to buy or or do something that they would enjoy.
Those of you who have been engaged, is this a problem you faced? Did you do anything to ensure you’d end up with an engagement ring you liked?
Drew proposed with my great-grandmother’s ring, which I procured from my mother and gave to him to propose with “when he was ready” (which was a week later). I do love that ring, but I was allergic to the material in it and kept getting eczema on my finger where it rested, so a couple years ago Drew got me a new engagement ring that I now wear instead (with no band), and I keep my original ring in a safe to pass down as a family heirloom to whichever kid is interested.