Drew and I had a little getaway (sans kids) over the weekend – which, maybe, shouldn’t be the first sentence following a headline about when you should have known it was over, but stay with me here. We had a great time in Hudson, NY, disconnecting from our responsibilities (i.e. those aforementioned kids we left at home), hanging out, aimlessly wandering around, day drinking (my fave), and trying to solve a crazy mystery at our airbnb (you can check it out in the highlights of my insta stories). At one point, I was reminiscing about a party I went to in my 20s…
and how I got sick and went home early. I was recalling how two of my friends put me in a cab, and when I got home, my boyfriend, whom I lived with, was already asleep and I didn’t want to wake him up.
“He didn’t go to the party with you?” Drew asked.
“No,” I replied, “We didn’t really go out together that much.”
And that was true: For about four years in my 20s, arguably my peak youth, I dated and lived with a guy who was very sweet and loved me but whom I had about as much in common with as a houseplant. Consequently, we lived pretty separate lives (save for occasional Saturday afternoon trips to World Market in Evanston to pick out pots for our houseplants, and sometimes we would compromise on a movie to watch together afterward); we even had separate bedrooms.
Honestly, I should have known it was over when we moved to Chicago together and he had zero argument against having separate bedrooms. And I *really* should have known it was over when, weekend after weekend, I found myself doing most things without him (parties, book readings, brunch… I can’t even remember a single time we went to the beach together and I basically lived at the beach every summer in Chicago). I told myself I was independent and it was great having a boyfriend who respected and liked that about me. And it was! But still, I think of those years I didn’t have to pay a babysitter $20 an hour to enjoy time out with a significant other and I wince at all the missed opportunities.
Looking back, were there moments or acts in your past relationships that should have indicated it was over? Did you ignore those warnings or did you take heed and end things?
And sort of related: Have you ever lived with a significant other but maintained separate bedrooms?