August 12, 2020 at 6:10 pm #949881shar77Participant
I have two cousins, their both sisters, lets call them Sally and Trudy! I was in the same year and class at school with Sally, and Trudy was the year below us. I spent 6 years in the same year as Sally. Basically, I’m really hurt as Sally and Trudy have always been very bitchy towards me and I have never done anything against them. Sally would always either completely ignore me even if I tried talking to her or she would try to make fun of me, mocking me, being patronising, smarmy comments, bitchy looks etc. I would come home from school trips and just feel so sad that we weren’t friends, I tried being friends with her so many times. I even went up to her drunk once and was very teary eyed and told her that it was crazy we never talked and if we could be friends she just patted me on the shoulder and said she’d talk to me monday and walked away from me, obviously she just ignored me the next day at school. Trudy was the same, she even ignored me when I went to say hi to her at my sister’s wedding. This behaviour from them went on all through school and college. To make it worse, Sally was friends with my older sister and would sometimes come over to our house, she would be abrupt and cold with me if we were alone in the room but as soon as my mom or someone came in she would act so nice to me as if we were best buddies. When Sally finished college she moved away and so I have barely seen her over the years. If I do see her when I’m out in town, I make sure to avoid her so last year was the first time I spoke to her in years, I was with my mom shopping and we bumped into her but she barely looked at me, we bumped into Trudy too on a seperate occassion and Trudy ignored me too. My mom said that she felt they acted very badly towards me and says I should just kill them with kindness but I can’t, its gone on far too long and I’m too hurt. Also, when I saw them and had to talk to them, I felt like I was having a panic attack, I felt sick, scared, like I wanted to run away, etc. I never want to see them again but my sister is getting married in a few months. It is a small wedding and Sally and Trudy are going to be at the wedding as her close friends. My sister doesn’t believe me about how they treated me and will always defend them. Even when Trudy got married, I was the only family member that didn’t get invited. I just feel so hurt and so angry, I feel trapped, they will be at my sister’s hen party and wedding and I don’t want to talk to them, I feel panicked sometimes when I think of it. Sometimes when I’m walking around town, I think I see them on the street or in the shops and I feel scared, I just don’t know how to handle it. Please help, any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you.August 12, 2020 at 6:40 pm #949934golfer.galGuest
You have spent waaaay too many hours letting these two women have waaay too much power over you and space in your head. I’m not sure why they didn’t want to be your friend, and for whatever reason they seem to enjoy treating you coldly- maybe they get satisfaction out of knowing they get under your skin. These women never should have had the ability to rattle you this much.
Given the depth of your feelings about this I suggest a few sessions with a therapist in advance of the events you’ll see them for. You need to seriously disengage. They literally do not matter, and you need to treat them as such. Say a polite hello and otherwise completely ignore them. Do not give them another thought. Do not try to litigate their behavior in high school or how they treated you when you randomly saw them at the mall with your sister. It’s not healthy. Also, if you’re in an area where covid is still spreading then you should seriously reconsider attending any events at all, and encourage your sister to delay any and all wedding events. Having big events during a pandemic is irresponsible, dangerous, and selfish.August 12, 2020 at 10:33 pm #950362anonymousseParticipant
I agree that you need to be proactive and talking to a therapist- even on the phone- would probably be really good for you.
They don’t like you. That’s okay, not everyone is going to like you. You don’t actually like them, either! It’s a mutual disliking. There doesn’t need to be a reason or source of tension for someone to just not like you. They’re mean bitches, right? That’s a good reason.
I think you have spent far too much time thinking about what they think about you when they honestly probably just don’t even. Is it possible you are just really sensitive about this? Your sister doesn’t seem to know what you’re talking about. I just wonder if you’re maybe overthinking past interactions or something.
You need to put the high school stuff behind you. Please, consult a therapist. Maybe ask about medication. There’s no shame in that. And practice not giving a shit about them. Be cool, calm, kill them with your disinterest. Have a buddy with you at the wedding to be your wingwoman/man. Or don’t go- there is a pandemic going on, after all.