November 20, 2018 at 6:38 am #808952
Whoa. That’s astonishing.
I think you can take away that your family loves you and while some may have known or suspected your origin story, it didn’t change their love for you. Your dad, grandmother and brothers are your family and your experience growing up in a loving family doesn’t change. They are your family.November 20, 2018 at 7:42 pm #809090
@lucidity i think your take is probably what happened. Small red flags in the beginning that he decided to look past because he loved my mom so much. He really did, he adored her. That he’s not mad at her now surprises me, but as he’s said he has no regrets and i’m his daughter.
I don’t have really any new thoughts on the subject, just absorbing the information and making sure i remember that my dad doesn’t see me as that cuckoo bird either, nor is he ashamed of me.
THANK YOU for all those who commented. I’ve heard stories of people finding these kinds of things out after uploading to 23andMe (Ancestry, etc.) and finding half siblings or that they’re adopted, etc. I just never expected i’d be one of them. Goes to show you never know till you know and as you’ve all said family is who you make it and that’s what matters.November 20, 2018 at 10:14 pm #809105
CurlyQue, sorry you had such shocking news.
I know this is an unexpected curveball that you are not prepared for. But this should not change a single thing about your family. Your father is still your father and your siblings are still your siblings. Fatherhood is more than contributing DNA.November 21, 2018 at 2:36 pm #809148
@bittergaymark I bought my hubby, at his request, a 23andme kit for his bday. His mother, who passed away 7 years ago, was adopted and kept her ancestry so much to herself that he grew up thinking he was German and only found out he was in fact Italian from papers they found after she died. I must say he’s pretty excited to find out what he actually is, and in turn we will know our daughter’s exact makeup as well. But it’s so true….so many messes have been coming out as a result of these kits!November 21, 2018 at 4:07 pm #809152
Something similar happened in my family when I bought my dad a kit for Christmas two years back. My uncle fathered a child with a family friend. She was married at the time and passed my cousin off as her husband’s child. It’s certainly created some issues for my cousin, my uncle, and both families, but recently she’s been coming to our family gatherings and it seems like she’s healing. I don’t pretend to know the extent of how it’s affected my cousin, but I do know there are now support groups for people in your position. This one is the biggest one, I think:
Sending you internet hugs and wishing you happiness going into the holidays. <3November 21, 2018 at 7:30 pm #809159
In the tradeoff between not sharing your DNA with a corporation and law enforcement vs possibly learning something new about your ancestry, I choose protecting my genetic privacy. The modern way for so many companies to make money is by peddling their databases of information on their customers. It’s only going to get worse. Thanks to Facebook, the Republican Party now has a database on the social/political/commercial preferences of its users.November 21, 2018 at 11:32 pm #809165
@Ron- Reminds me of this song https://youtu.be/wmUVy43tqw4 by the brilliant Rufus Wainwright, Sword of Damocles. Those who are covetous and jealous of power often don’t understand the cost that comes with responsibility. More is not always better.
We are all under that sword but I think the current republican party is feeling the thread sway.
November 22, 2018 at 7:52 am #809176
- This reply was modified 4 months, 4 weeks ago by keyblade.
I’m sorry, I should have clarified my comment above was for Ron.
CurlyQue, I agree with the other comments that your father is your father. He loves you and the particulars of your deoxyribonucleic acid won’t ever change that.January 8, 2019 at 5:44 pm #814934
I decided to go forward with an ancestry test (larger database of people) and leave it at that. I got my results the day after Christmas and there he was. A “parent match.” There was also a first cousin from his side. I contacted both and the cousin ended up letting him know he had a message waiting for him. He and i plan on talking on the phone Sunday.
It’s a little surreal but i think i’m in a good place. My expectations are really low (we live on opposite sides of the country) but a casual relationship is fine by me. I’m looking forward to learning about him, and maybe even having a casual relationship with my new half siblings.January 8, 2019 at 7:35 pm #814938
I’m glad this is turning out well for you!January 9, 2019 at 7:04 am #814962
Very cool.January 9, 2019 at 9:07 am #814966
Good luck with the call and all going forward CQ!