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Dear Wendy

26 with strict parent and help/advice

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Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 54 total)
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  • #962393 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Have you considered an abortion? Adoption? Neither of you are stable, have jobs, etc. and to be honest, I think you need to get independent from your mother and go through some counseling before you become a parent. I mean no offense, I’m most concerned about a potential child coming into this very tenuous situation.

    #962449 Reply
    avatarcloudyrain
    Participant

    Yes I have but its something i don’t wish to go through again. I’ve done it it was a very painful trauma for me.

    #962479 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Okay- childbirth is often painful and traumatic as well. Leaving aside that experience, are you ready and able to have a child? You don’t have a job, stable home or a partner that’s financially supporting you. It doesn’t sound like you’ll have support from your family, either. After you have the baby, it’s a 24/7 job. You’re literally going to be feeding your newborn every two hours. You need expensive items, car seats, a crib or bassinet, diapers, wipes, etc.

    And nothing will be about only you anymore- it’s about making life choices that are best for the child for the next 18 years or more. I’m not trying to offend, but having a newborn is no joke. It’s life changing. And irreversible.

    I hope you are thinking about the lifetime of responsibilities in front of you if you do have a baby.

    #962480 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    If you think going out and having a social life are hard now….ask any mother how hard it is to take a shower without interruption. Seriously. You said you weren’t ready for a bay years ago, but are you ready now? What has changed in those years?

    #962500 Reply
    avatarKarebear1813
    Participant

    Cloudyrain – you are an educated adult residing with their mother, who you report is still abusive and are now pregnant. Not trying to be rude but you sound immature and somewhat entitled. Your mother doesn’t owe you a roof over your head and you are not illiterate. There should be no excuses as to why you aren’t working at least one job full time, whether that be in a career based job or flipping burgers at a fast food chain.

    What you need to do if get on government assistance. Contact your local health department and get on the following:
    Women, Infants, and Children (WIC)
    Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP)
    Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF)
    Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP)

    Apply for government housing assistance/section8/low-income housing.

    Here is a link that might be helpful as well.
    https://www.grantsforwomen.org/2019/06/beneficial-grants-for-pregnant-women-their-families.html

    You also need to request your boyfriend to be financially and emotionally supportive. If he cant provide any support, dump him. And file for child support.

    This baby is both of your responsibly and if either of you cant start becoming more responsible and mature then you have no business having sex. Period.

    If your mother is still physically assaulting you then you should get out of that home and get therapy. If she continues to assault you then contact the police. You have rights to protect yourself from abuse.

    #962503 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    I don’t think this LW is based in the U.S.

    #962505 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    She is, why do you think she’s not?

    #962508 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Because she said “Technically English is my first language but growing up from home we don’t speak English we spoke another language,” and because her syntax doesn’t seem like it is from the U.S.

    #962514 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    That kind of situation is quite common in the US.

    #962517 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    I think having this baby will be a disaster and become the biggest regret of your life.

    #962518 Reply
    avatarcsp
    Guest

    LW – It is time for you to really take agency for your life. First, do you want to be a mom right now? Answer that question for yourself. Next, what is the deal with your partner? Do you guys want to get married? Does he want to be a father right now? Once you know those things, you need to take action. The good thing about babies is they take months before they arrive. So you have time to figure out your life. Your boyfriend can get a better job, you can start saving money and signing up for programs. Start putting pen to paper and figure out how you can do this. It is time for the princess to rescue herself. That can mean ending the pregnancy or blessing a couple with a baby. It could mean you and your partner together standing up and being the adults this baby needs. But you need to choose and start planning.

    #962525 Reply
    avatarCleopatra_30
    Participant

    You are working less hours, your BF is not employed, you don’t have a place of your own and can only assume both you and your partner have limited savings. Brining a child into your life with minimal financial security is going to be a disaster. Even if you found a job tomorrow you can work up to maybe 6-7 months or so while pregnant then need to take time off to be a mom, so you would barely have enough saved to keep yourself afloat. Further, you will most likely be living paycheck to paycheck since your BF will also need to find work within those 9 months.

    In all honesty having a kid right now is not ideal. I totally get having had a bad experience mentally/physically/emotionally when you aborted the last time, but this is something much bigger bringing a child into the world. You need independence from your family, but also financially. COVID has really taken a chunk out of whatever security there was job wise in the market, and this is really not the time to be playing with fire.

    Take a look at your resources, calculate how much it would cost to have a child right now in addition to your monthly expenses needed (rent, phone bills, utilities, vehicle, insurance etc) with your CURRENT situation of both you and your BF and see if it is truly realistic. Nothing is worse than being a parent when the financials don’t add up, it will be stressful beyond belief trying to balance that.

    EDIT: Further, if you are already starting to feel depressed both about the prospect of raising a child and bringing it into the home with your mom, it won’t be any better during your pregnancy and after. This is not the time to have a child. It will not be easier considering your current situation. Please think long and hard about this.

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