Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

26 with strict parent and help/advice

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Viewing 12 posts - 37 through 48 (of 54 total)
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  • #962566 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Well, I never said that. At any rate, perhaps she should learn both to better proofread and how to use birth control. What is this? Her second accidental pregnancy? Color me less than impressed. Although having kids haphazardly is quite american these days. Its all the rage apparently.

    #962568 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    A couple of other people did.

    #962570 Reply
    avatarHazel
    Participant

    no birth control method is 100% and pretty much all of them have complications so I always like to cut people some slack here, accidental pregnancy does not always equal being slipshod or careless, just a huge thing for women to have to deal with.Yes there are too many people, and not all of them are wanted but everybody (well most people) likes sex and for some that does mean risk of pregnancy, too much judgement on that helps nobody.

    #962771 Reply
    avatarLadyClegane
    Guest

    Ok so, here is what is currently true about your situation, without the stories you’ve been telling yourself (he’s trying to get a job, you’re going to get another job, you’ll have to ask permission ro move in, etc). You don’t have the protection of marriage (and yes in this country it affords you and your child more protection, I wish it weren’t so.) Your boyfriend is broke and unemployed. You’re underemployed. Both of you are living off of others (that’s what living in someone else’s house is, I don’t care if you use your savings to pay your own bills, someone else’s labor is helping support you.) Both of you have no privacy. You both have to ask for “permission” for most things. You like with an, at best, controlling parent. On top of all this, there’s a pandemic, recession, and high unemployment.

    What are you doing? What are you thinking? How do you think things are going to be in a year? You’ll still be with your mother (probably) and hearing about how you’re a bad mother. Or better yet, she’ll make the parenting decisions for your child. Grow up. Stop just floating through life and don’t inflict a really unstable life on another human being because you don’t want to feel sad. You are in NO position to be having a child, and I say that as someone who thinks economic barriers shouldn’t determine who can have kids. Your problems are way beyond money.

    And to those who are so forgiving about the birth control thing…come ON! Ok, there was a medical issue? What medical issue precludes condoms? A combination of prophylactics? No IUD? “No method is 100% effective.” Are you kidding me with that? That’s an abstinence only line. 97-99% effective isn’t good enough to use a damn condom? And if you ALREADY had an accidental pregnancy and didn’t get it together the second time, I doubt the reason was “birth control failure” and was likelier carelessness. This state BARELY has reproductive choice and safety so HOW ARE PEOPLE STILL SO RECKLESS?

    Statistically (all things being equal) as a single mother, your lifetime earnings are going to take a nosedive and it will be less likely for you to achieve/remain at even a middle class income bracket so…figure out why you want to have a kid. Is your desire to avoid “trauma” greater than your guilt about creating a life that will be unstable and starting day 1 behind the 8 ball? Why? Don’t you imagine/hope for more for yourself? How is a baby going to help you achieve that? Start taking responsibility for yourself because while I can EMPATHIZE COMPLETELY with you about your mother, you’re also acting like a child in pretty much every area of your life.

    #962832 Reply
    avatarHazel
    Participant

    person being understanding about contraception fail was me and Ladyclegane, I know what you mean.And I don’t disagree. But 98% effectiveness on condoms means two people every year using them perfectly will still fall pregnant. And perfect use is dependant on the man too. I think there are far too many humans and took extreme measures to ensure I did not add to this number but accidents do happen and not every person is able to reverse that process once it has begun, due to culture, their mental state, belief, whatever.

    #962854 Reply
    avatarcloudyrain
    Participant

    To answer your question I was born and raised in the US. My mother is from another country. Yes I said “Technically English is my first language but growing up from home we don’t speak English we spoke another language,” because growing up thats all we speak unless your speaking to someone not from the same culture then we’ll speak English. I gotten my Masters in Health Administration. And I tend to type fast and proof my writings sometimes.

    #962855 Reply
    avatarcloudyrain
    Participant

    Just because my grammar, word choices, lack of slang, and culture / everybody living with their strict parents, etc doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t live in the US. But to answer your question I do live in the US born and raised.

    #962856 Reply
    avatarcloudyrain
    Participant

    And what does sounding “American” sound like? You can’t talk or sound like your American.

    #962857 Reply
    avatarcloudyrain
    Participant

    To give you an update:
    My boyfriend just recently gotten a job couple days after I written this post. I said I’ll have to ask his parent permission to move-in into their house. He doesn’t live alone. I just got another job to work from home. I didn’t say he had to ask permission to do anything. I said I did. And I just want more explanations on how am I “acting like a child”.

    And to answer everyone question as to how I can be reckless and gotten myself pregnant. We used a condom. We always do, but somehow this time the condom broke and we didn’t know it broke and I gotten pregnant.

    #962858 Reply
    avatarcloudyrain
    Participant

    Just an update: We both recently gotten a job. I gotten a second job and he recently got offered a job offer. The only support I have is from his family their all happy that we’re having a baby. But from my family there isn’t any support. Which is disappointing and hurtful but Im ok. Yes I know how much work ad time it will take to take of a baby. Yes I have thought about it very hard on this.

    And I gotten a therapist that my doctor office provide and it has been helping me with my mental especially being to talk to someone on how I’m feeling. Since I do keep things bottled up.

    #962859 Reply
    avatarcloudyrain
    Participant

    Thank you for these resources my doctor office has already help me sign up for food stamp/WIC/Health insurance for me and the baby. Still working on getting section 8. My boyfriend just gotten offered a job so he will be working and saving up to take care of us and me as well since I gotten a second job. And were being responsible but for some reason this time the condom broke and we didn’t know and we always use a condom. I’ve started therapy.

    #962861 Reply
    avatarcloudyrain
    Participant

    An update: I gotten a second job and my boyfriend gotten a job.

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