- This topic has 38 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 5 months, 2 weeks ago by Bookwormish.
- July 25, 2019 at 10:07 pm #848858AndrewGuest
Hello, I have 3 kids. 2 boys and 1 girl. The 2 boys were from a first marriage and they are 8 and 6. My daughter (step) is my 2nd wife’s with an ex boyfriend. She is now 5. Just wanted to clear that up before I proceed.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for over 5 years. We met in high school, got pregnant soon after and got married. The relationship was a sham from day 1. I had never had a sexual relationship with anyone and I was brought up to be a gentleman. I let that keep me imprisoned for too long. I eventually built up the courage to leave my wife but maintained a relationship with our 2 sons. I have them every weekend and it’s been hard but I love them very much.
Enter my best friend and love of my life. I am so in love with this woman and we got married about a year after my divorce. The kids went through their struggles but my wife has always been there to help. She’s kind to them, she is instrumental in their development and she’s overcome a long road of trying to coparent with the mother of my kids. She has been more of a mother to them than their actual mother.
Here’s where things get rough. She has voiced over the years (even before we were married) that the stress of dealing with the other mom and helping raise kids that at times can be distant but are overall good kids. She wants me to lower my time from every weekend to every other. I’ve voiced that I wouldn’t ask her to stop seeing her daughter as much but she only points out that it isn’t the same thing. That I only came in someone to make the boys, but she created her daughter. I dont want to give up on my boys and see them less but my wife really is my best friend. We have a great time together and the friendship and love is amazing. It’s in the hard times that she brings up that I need to choose her happiness over having the boys every weekend. We have heated arguments over it and I’m so scared I’m going to lose her, but I feel like giving my sons less of my influence and time is out of the question. Please help. She’s threatening divorce or suicide.July 25, 2019 at 10:48 pm #848859PurpleStarGuest
You are in another emotionally abusive relationship.
You have heated arguments over YOUR CHILDREN!!!
She says you have to “choose her happiness” – what about your happiness or – wait – the happiness of YOUR CHILDREN
She threatens divorce or suicide – wow, manipulative much?
And my favorite – you only came in …, but she created her daughter – that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read.
The best of this – she has “voiced over the years (even before we were married)” – you knew she didn’t want YOUR CHILDREN around and you still married this woman.
You are in another emotionally abusive relationship.July 26, 2019 at 5:47 am #848867briseGuest
Oh my god. She is not your best friend. she wants you to give up partly your children? What?? This is out of the question. You are right. Don’t ever do that to them.
And she is threatening divorce or suicide? That is emotional blackmail in its worse manipulation level, over your kids? Go for the divorce. Leave her already. This is a destructive dynamics for you and your sons.
Either she takes you and your kids as a full package, or this marriage is over. It is over. She opted out.
Take her on her word and see a divorce attorney.
You will eventually find a nice partner if you stop being a doormat. Stop that pressure from her immediately. Tell her you don’t want to hear about this complaint EVER. She is very wrong here and you won’t let yourself and your kids being bullied by her and if she is not happy, the marriage is over. YOu can live alone for a while with your sons and be happy, be accomplished. Focus on that: feeling accomplished by yourself and your kids. Love comes from a place of independence and emotional balance. Not on dependence, when you “need” so badly a partner, at any cost – and you are paying a very high cost here.July 26, 2019 at 6:19 am #848869ktfranParticipant
Divorce her. What the fuck? According to your current wife a mothers relationship to her children is “more important” because women birth them? That is seriously fucked up thinking. Both parents should love their children, support their children, take care of their children and raise their children. You are just as much a parent to your boys as she is to her daughter. Only wanting you to spend time with your sons 4 days a month… her thinking is gross. If I were your sons, I’d feel discarded and unloved.
Again divorce. And before you date again, see a therapist and figure out why you’re choosing bad partners. Your current wife is emotionally manipulating and abusing you.July 26, 2019 at 6:31 am #848870ktfranParticipant
I want to add that kids aren’t stupid. They likely know or can feel that your wife doesn’t want them around and perhaps that is why they are distant.July 26, 2019 at 6:49 am #848871HelenGuest
Wow. Do not spend less time with your kids to appease the monster you married. She thinks your bond with your kids isn’t important because you didn’t gestate them. That is so fucking wrong. I’m glad you’ve resisted her ludicrous demands so far. I wouldn’t leave her alone with them. If she’s saying this crap to you who knows what she’s saying to them to get what she wants. Always choose your children. And do not get her pregnant!!! She feels that fathers are expendable. I noticed you didn’t mention her daughter’s fatherJuly 26, 2019 at 6:53 am #848872HelenGuest
Threatening suicide is garbage. That’s grounds for divorce right there. She sounds truly awful.July 26, 2019 at 6:54 am #848873FyodorGuest
“I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for over 5 years.”
You are in another one.July 26, 2019 at 6:56 am #848874FyodorGuest
“She’s threatening divorce or suicide.”
Using threats of suicide to make demands of a partner is textbook abusive behavior.July 26, 2019 at 6:56 am #848875KateKeymaster
Oh my God, what in the actual FUCK??
“…she only points out that it isn’t the same thing. That I only came in someone to make the boys, but she created her daughter…she brings up that I need to choose her happiness over having the boys every weekend…I’m so scared I’m going to lose her..She’s threatening divorce or suicide.”
You’re in another emotionally abusive relationship. 100%. Of course you have love and good times, that’s the case with most abusive relationships. But you’re definitely attracting very fucked-up women with whatever kind of personality disorders and abusive tendencies. She’s cruel and manipulative and definitely trying to force you down a path of increasing isolation from your kids until they aren’t in your life at all anymore. That’s what she ultimately wants. And that thing about her daughter vs your sons is batshit crazy. She’s awful. Please go get counseling for yourself. You need to get out of this marriage.July 26, 2019 at 6:58 am #848876KateKeymaster
And yeah, like others said, it’s terrifying to think what she may be saying to your kids when you’re not around. They are certainly picking up on her evil, and being around her is bad for them.July 26, 2019 at 6:59 am #848877SherBearGuest
Divorce Divorce Divorce!!! As everyone else has said this is NOT a healthy relationship at all. You should have broken up with her the minute she said you spend too much time with your kids.
Divorce her and be single for awhile – getting married about a year after a divorce is a super short timeline, especially with kids in the mix you need to learn to slowwwww down. And therapy, lots of it ASAP.