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Dear Wendy

50 year old man told his buddies he had sex with me

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice 50 year old man told his buddies he had sex with me

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 37 total)
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  • #875492 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    One thing my lawyer told me was to ask if my company has a written policy for dealing with sexual harassment and could I see it. She said in my state they are legally obligated to have one. I don’t think they did, but they got their act together real quick.

    Legally, your boss has already screwed this up. Here’s just one article that lays out what he’s *supposed to do legally.*

    https://www.workforce.com/news/when-your-employee-complains-about-being-sexually-harassed-by-a-customer

    You’re in the right here. If I were you, at a minimum I would write up a complaint where you put down on paper everything that’s happened with the customer and his friends, as well as the conversation you had with your boss, the date, and what you both said. Print it out and save it, or email it to yourself. Then if you want to speak with an employment lawyer, you can send it to them. Your state might also have a Counsel Against Discrimination where you could get free advice. If your boss retaliates against you by cutting your hours or letting you go, you definitely have a case. And if more harassment happens, you’ve already documented the pattern.

    Good luck.

    #875498 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    You’re being harassed so don’t let anyone dismiss or downplay this. Your boss is an idiot. He should have banned the asshole from the establishment. Can you confide in the friend of the asshole who you adore? Tell him how distressing this is for you and see if he can either spread the word that asshole is a liar or get him to knock it off. This could backfire if your friend believes asshole or thinks the situation is funny and makes it worse. Really evaluate his character before you ask him for any help. You might need to just walk away from the job & the friends. With your head held high

    #875505 Reply
    avatarGirlly
    Guest

    Perhaps it would help if you guys knew it was a small bar owned by a husband and wife! I talked to the wife last week about it and she said she could imagine I was pissed and she wasn’t happy about it either! Both of the owners (husband and wife as sooo sweet)! The wife advised me to just serve him and not talk to him and when he asked why I wasn’t talking to him state “did u think what u were telling people wouldn’t eventually get back to me” she also suggested texting him about it! Thank you all so much for the advice, according to everything I’ve heard here I will simply serve him as a regular customer and not engage at all with him other than that! I was told he never hung out at my work to much until I started working there, and lately he has been around much less…so here’s hoping

    #875508 Reply
    avatarGirlly
    Guest

    I’ve told a few of the customers that I was upset about it, one who is a regular female whom I get along with very well now..(the same one who told me about what he said to her friend and she assured me her friend had no reason to lie about it! I’m wondering if I should merely mention it to a few regulars here and there so it eventually gets back to him that I heard what he said?

    #875509 Reply

    They are not “so sweet” if you told them you were being sexually harassed and they told you just to serve him regularly. They value his business and harassment more than you as an employee. That’s what they just showed you.

    I guess if you want to work there, you need to just deal with the sexual harassment if you don’t want to require your boss to actually address it.

    #875510 Reply

    The advice to text him about it is really bad. Don’t text him. Don’t talk to him. I truly hope he doesn’t have your number and vice versa.

    #875511 Reply

    It might be better for you if you stop considering these people as your friends. The harassers friend who you “just adore” is probably also talking about this and you in a sexual way. It sounds like a group of dirty old men excited to have a new woman to talk about. They are not your friends, they are not harmless.

    #875514 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    Ewww, no, they are not “so sweet.” They’re terrible. She actually told you to text this guy?

    It’s their responsibility as your employers to protect you from sexual harassment in the workplace. If they were decent people, they would have told him not to come back. At a bare minimum they would have made sure you never had to serve him again.

    I’d be looking for another job, quickly. These people are either clueless in the extreme, or they’re enjoying what’s going on. Ugh.

    #875518 Reply
    avatarFannyBrice
    Guest

    Do not text him. That invites private, personal response. The next time he comes in, be direct with him. “I heard that you are telling people we slept together. Stop doing that.” Refuse to engage further besides serving his drinks like you would if he were a stranger. And if anyone else asks you about it, tell them the truth: “No. For some reason he started that rumor himself and I’m really sick of talking about it.”

    Advice about a direct confrontation is null and void if you feel unsafe around him at all – in that case, indirectly countering the rumor and avoiding him while looking for another job is the way to go.

    #875519 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    The people giving you advice are either biased af or complete idiots, no offense to your friends.

    You can either tell your bosses they’re legally obligated to deal with this (I suggest an hour of consultation with a lawyer before you do that), or stop interacting with these guys. There are things you can say to them if the harassment continues. In the moment. Please please please read some articles on how to handle sexual harassment by customers if you work in a small business.

    #875520 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Literally do not listen to anyone anymore. They’re giving you horrible advice.

    #875525 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I don’t mean the people on this thread, I mean in real life you’re getting terrible advice.

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