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Dear Wendy

50 year old man told his buddies he had sex with me

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice 50 year old man told his buddies he had sex with me

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  • #875707 Reply

    Thanks so much for all the advice everyone! I really appreciate it! I will tell him the next he comes in I heard he told people we had sex and to stop doing that, then serve him and ignore him otherwise!

    #875709 Reply

    No, I wouldn’t do that. I don’t know why you’re so set on making sure he knows what you heard. Leave it alone. Don’t discuss it with him. Only if he says something directly to you should you react (right then, in the moment) and ask him not to speak to you like that again.

    Come on, please do a little reading on how to handle these things. You’re going to be sexually harassed again and probably again, so you are going to have to learn how to handle it at some point. Might as well be now.

    #875710 Reply
    avatarSachiko Roxanne

    Oh my goodness – do NOT tell him that. Don’t feed the troll.

    #875714 Reply

    Not one person told you to say anything like that to him.

    *oh, one did. It’s still not recommended.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by avataranonymousse.
    #875718 Reply

    Do not confront him. He is doing this in part to get a rise out of you. It’s a way of bullying you and demeaning you as a sexual object so that he can make himself feel powerful. Confronting him and helplessly demanding that he stop is only going to encourage him.

    #875724 Reply

    If the owners of the bar know about this and still permit him in the bar, they’re royally screwing up. They don’t have your back, no matter how nice they may seem. They don’t have to make a scene. The next time he comes in they should pull him aside and explain that he’s no longer welcome as he’s behaved inappropriately. Bars do this all the time.

    I’m sorry your bosses stink.

    #875728 Reply

    Eh, I say just lie about him – not sexually. Just that he lives in a cave and has a pet squirrel. Ridiculous things and when questioned you can just say “oh, I thought we were telling lies about one another. You tell your ridiculous and unbelievable lies, I tell my ridiculous and unbelievable lies.”

    Just treat him like someone who should be pitied.

    #875729 Reply

    I think that’s giving him attention, airspace, and provocation. I wouldn’t talk about him or to him other than “what’ll it be? Would you like another Coors?”

    #875730 Reply

    How many servers/bartenders work at a time? If there’s always more than just you, i’d tell your bosses that you will not be serving him as his behavior is inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable.

    #875731 Reply

    Guys like this believe ANY attention is good attention. You should go back to your bosses and ask them to ban him.

    #875736 Reply

    OP should do what feels safest and most comfortable. I’m the armchair advice giver here.

    Perhaps the better thing is when someone asks you if it’s true to give them a look that screams “how gullible are you?”

    #875752 Reply

    Your bosses should take care of this. They should pull him aside and tell him he can’t come in, either for a set period of time or permanently. They set the tone for what happens in their business.

    If and only if someone mentions it to you again you make a statement that makes it clear that you have never had sex with him and never will.

    “That’s disgusting.”
    “In his dreams.”
    “Not if he was the last man on earth.”
    “I’d be celibate before that.”
    “I’m not that desperate.”

    Whatever statement works where you live.

    You shouldn’t have to serve him but if you do serve his beer and do nothing more. Don’t talk to him. You shouldn’t have to be in the situation where he is demanding to know why you aren’t talking to him. That is him forcing a conversation. That’s why your boss should be talking to him. You shouldn’t have to serve him and have him trying to talk to you and then demanding to know why you aren’t talking to him. If he demands to know why you aren’t talking to him get your boss and have them handle it.

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