A broken friendship

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  • Maureen
    December 1, 2023 at 11:55 am #1126897

    Hello,
    My problem is I’m sad that I may have lost a friend. I lost my temper with her and things are very different of course.
    She is also my coworker. We’ve been working at the same
    Place for many years but in the past 3 years we have been working very closely with each other in a small office. She has some mental health issues and adhd. I lost my temper because on this particular day I had told everyone in the office that I would be in about an hour late, so when I got to work, another coworker asked me if I knew where she was. I said I didn’t and texted her. I guess I woke her up. She came in and said something like (we are hourly workers) that she was going to just say that she forgot to punch in. That got me kind of upset but I let it go. Then after lunch she and another of my coworkers walked in 10 min after our lunch hour, I had gotten some flack from a higher up because we were running late. I had taken care of two things at once and she and the other coworker walked in and I lost my temper. My friend yelled something like (it’s just [this issue]!) like it was not a big deal when I had gotten flack from the higher up.
    This may seem like nothing but she is chronically late and chronically calls out. She has FMLA to use so whatever. I don’t care about that.
    Let’s just say it had been building. Then I had a conversation with her after I calmed down. I barely remember what I said. I just told her the lateness is an issue. Which is none of my business I have realized. It’s very awkward now. I used to text her all the time and we really had a good time together.
    Since watching and listening to her after all of this I see her in a different light and realize that I really have lost respect for her. I feel like she’s very entitled. She plays the victim in my eyes and is pretty manipulative even if she doesn’t realize she’s doing it. Blames a lot in her parents etc. Entitled

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    Anonymousse
    December 1, 2023 at 1:08 pm #1126899

    Well it really sounds like you should work on controlling your temper and minding your own business. If she’s late, it reflects badly on her. If you lose your shit at work because of her behavior that has nothing to do with you, you look worse than she does.

    Your post starts with you saying you are sad you lost a friend, but by the end you say you don’t respect her and she’s entitled. What do you want? Advice? Just to vent?

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    Avatar photo
    December 3, 2023 at 7:45 am #1126912

    Yeah, I’m not sure what you’re asking here. It sounds like this isn’t a friendship you value anyway, so who cares if you’ve lost the friend. You say you lost respect for her, think she’s very entitled, that she plays the victim, and is pretty manipulative. So… good riddance then, I guess?

    Reply
    LisforLeslie
    December 3, 2023 at 8:48 am #1126916

    Are you asking how to deal with your feelings? I agree with the others, it sounds like you’ve reached the end of your rope with this person but you’re also sad that it’s come to this. It can be hard when you realize someone you thought you vibed* with is simply a user.

    If I were you I’d:
    1. Apologize in person, in public, to this person. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was having a bad day and I took it out on you. I will aim to do better in the future.” Owning up to it in public means it can’t go further at work. That’s to your advantage.
    2. Back off of this friendship. You don’t respect her, so you’re headed into BEC territory and it’s becoming obvious. You don’t have to go silent, but you can be less available and focus on newer/other friends.

    *(Did I use that right – vibed with?)

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    mario games
    December 4, 2023 at 9:47 pm #1126941

    Listening to your story, I see that you are quite impatient and quick-tempered. This will show that you do not respect people and can easily lose friendships. You should calmly look back at how you behave if you don’t want to lose the precious friends around you.

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    Um
    December 12, 2023 at 7:12 am #1127055

    Me thinks Maureen is projecting. Take a look at that:

    ‘She plays the victim in my eyes and is pretty manipulative even if she doesn’t realize she’s doing it.’

    how do you play a game without realizing that you’re doing it? do you even begin to understand the definition of manipulative? that is premeditated

    I’m so in one hand you’re calling her manipulative and by the same breath you’re excusing her saying she doesn’t realize it, so it is just you projecting your crap on to her being manipulative and playing the victim of her behavior. see how that works? You cannot be manipulated if you don’t know you’re doing it because being manipulative means you sat down, thought things through and masterminded [with ulterior motives] your manipulation.

    You were just spending here because you realize you have no friends left because of how you are

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A broken friendship

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