JointChiropracticSeptember 16, 2023 at 10:51 pm #1125485
I hope this post won’t get judged or misconstrued. I’m just in raw emotion right now and I want a 2nd set of eyes on my thoughts to help me feel better, think healthier. Especially as I start dating and widening my social circle, I think I need to work on this.
This is a scenario that’s happened to me a few times now. I went to do a little film project with friends today, about 7 of us in total. Several of the guys there I didn’t know, but just met them today.
The other girl there is a new friend I made recently—blonde, bubbly and great to be around.
Throughout the day, everyone made conversation, and all the guys talked with me too, except one. Never glanced my way. Even in group settings, including after work where we’re all eating together, where everyone is talking together, he would pay attention/make eye contact/talk to my (female) friend and even the other guys, including ones who were strangers to him, yet completely ignored me. Literally, it was like I was invisible.
Even on just a non-romantic level—but human to human—it’s depressing and rude to be overlooked and ignored that way. Okay, he’s not attracted to me. I’m fine with that. But even I acknowledge and treat guys I’m not attracted to basic human decency and kindness.
My friend: men flock to her. I have no hate toward her. I can’t even rumble up feelings of jealousy, so this is not that. It’s more so…look, I have my own self worth. I know my beauty, I love my beauty, so that’s not the issue. But it’s one thing to know your own worth. It’s another when the world ignores your worth.
I don’t know. I don’t want my friend to get any less attention. I love her personality, and I don’t want her to reduce her shine. I just want to be wanted and desired in a world beyond my own self-worth and self-acknowledgment.
It’s bigger than the guy. Ultimately, I know: f*** him. He’s just one guy. And maybe this is all an issue of inexperience, and the more guys and people I meet, the more experiences with desirability and social fluidity I’ll have.
Venting here. Constructive, helpful thoughts appreciated.
To me, this does sound like you are jealous of your friend — or that you are comparing yourself to her if she gets attention but you don’t. It’s not a competition.
So yes, it is rude if you’re in a group situation and one person is obviously ignoring only you, but instead of concluding that he’s a rude person whose behavior is a reflection on him, you let it become a reflection of your value. We socialize young women to want to be desired and chosen — been there! — and IMO it’s dangerous. I think it’s worth your while to reflect on why it’s so important to you to have your worth validated by a guy — one you don’t even seem to know at that — if you have such a strong sense of self worth.
What Copa said.
It is kind of rude in that context to not acknowledge a given person. In that type of situation you could make a point of acknowledging them with a greeting and asking them a question. That way you’re showing them how to act and maybe doing them a favor.
Because you don’t have to wait for guys to talk to you. Your friend is bubbly which I assume means outgoing. She’s probably approachable and easy to talk to. You may be more reserved. Make an effort. When you’re out with people, think more about giving a good time than getting a good time. Be friendly and ask questions. You won’t connect with everyone, but that’s ok.