Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

A little Stalker ish

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  • #841454 Reply

    So I saw this really cute boy at this tournament I went to, I didn’t talk to him, but I’m not gonna lie, I watched him for most of the time. I thought I did pretty good at not looking too desperate, but I still think he noticed. Anyway, I did a little diving and found out his dad is a coach of the sport I play and is having 3 day summer camp the month after next. It’s an hour away from where I live and slightly overpriced, but I got the go ahead. Do you think I should go and try my luck, even though I know I probably won’t get the chance to talk to him, or should I just let him go?

    #841508 Reply

    Go to the tournament, it will probably be a great experience. But you will see a lot of cute people in your life and not talk to most of them, it’s just a thing.

    #841546 Reply

    Why would he be at his dad’s summer camp? I wouldn’t assume he will be there.

    #841548 Reply

    So its a normal thing to feel that pull to someone, so don’t give too much weight to it, it will happen again. But judging by your post you’re fairly young, what I would say is if you really want to talk to someone, take the chance and go say hey.

    If you had, and he’d turned you down, you’d have known and you wouldn’t be wondering ‘what if’. And you wouldn’t be any worse off. You may find out they’re not actually all that attractive. Or you may fall in love for a while.

    Don’t worry about being ‘stalkerish’ too much. I mean the fact you’re aware of that means you won’t run much risk. But I think you’re hung up, because you wish you said hello. CHalk it down, learn a lesson, the chance has gone.

    If you want to go to the summer camp, go. But go to have fun playing the sport, not just at a chance to speak to a boy you find attractive.

    If you do see him again, go talk to him, you don’t have to have any expectations, just got and say “hello, what’s your name?” or whatever…
    You may find out he’s boring, or iritating, who knows? Maybe he’s awesome.

    I’ll leave you with this;

    We regret the things in life we don’t do,
    More often than that which we do.

    But all regrets are lessons, and once the lesson is learned, they’re no longer regrets.


    #841552 Reply

    Eh… this seems both stalkerish and more than a little unhealthy to me. Honestly? It’s pretty fucking creepy. Skip the fucking camp.

    #841564 Reply

    Ugh, this takes me back to when I was 14 and saw this guy in my gym class who was a junior and on the swim team, and I became inexplicably obsessed with him despite never having had a conversation. I mean seriously stalkerishly obsessed. For all of freshman and sophomore year. For absolutely no reason. I would sneak out the back door of my social studies class just to go sit in my bff’s study hall because this guy was also in that study hall. And instead of learning about American government (which would be really useful about now), I would just like sit there and look at him. I’d call his house and hang up. I’d figure out how to walk past him in the halls. It was SICK. I don’t even think we ever talked. Then one night in the middle of sophomore year, he called my house and actually asked me on a date!!! I was grounded for being a bitch to my mom AND not allowed to date yet because I was still 15, but my parents allowed it for some reason. So he came to pick me up the next weekend in his mom’s Toyota and we went to see a movie, either Silence of the Lambs or Kindergarten Cop, not sure, we went on two dates and saw both. On the second date he let me drive the car around for a while. Then when I was getting out to go inside, he’s like, what, no kiss? And I was totally flabbergasted and had no idea what to do and gave him like this super awkward peck and ran inside. And he never asked me out again. Though I STILL had a crush until the end of the year and he graduated.

    But here’s the thing. He was SO BORING. I don’t think we connected at all on any level. He was super vanilla. I think he was a good kid, working hard, saving for college, good student, good athlete, but like, just really boring. I don’t even know what we talked about.

    Anyway, please actually talk to this kid and start a conversation and find out if there’s anything there and you even like him. Don’t waste years being obsessed from afar, it’s so dumb. Don’t give him that power over you.

    Only go to the camp if it really makes sense from a sports perspective. Don’t waste your parents money if you’re just going to eyeball this boy.

    Total and complete waste of two years.

    #841568 Reply

    That’s a lot of effort (and your parents’ hard-earned money) to expend on a guy that you don’t know anything about – and you don’t even know if he’ll be at this camp. The only thing you know about him is what he looks like. He could be dull, or obnoxious, or rude. He might have a girlfriend. He might not want to talk to you.

    You’re gonna come across a lot of cute guys that you’ll see in passing and then never see again. That’s just life. Focus on the guys who live near you, that you can actually spend time with.

    #841571 Reply

    I do think it’s a little too much effort to go to his dad’s summer camp. It does come off as a little stalkerish, but no one knows your motive. If you’ve already paid for it, just go and focus on the sport. I doubt the guy will be there, but you never know.

    I had crushes and behaved totally inappropriately with them sometimes (like leaving anonymous love notes) when I was in high school and even parts of college. Those definitely were not my best moments, but some are pretty funny, years later. Try to not get too attached. You don’t actually know him. He could be rude, a jerk, totally boring or dumb or have a girlfriend. He’s cute. That’s what you know. Enjoy the scenery, but there will always be attractive guys. You shouldn’t stalk them.

    #841575 Reply

    I think you should go to the camp if you think it will be a benefit to you and you think it’ll be fun for it’s own sake.

    If the primary reason is to connect with this guy don’t go. First of all – he probably won’t be there. Do you show up at your parents place of work regularly? No? Then why would he? Do you think somehow you’ll become friendly with his dad and his dad will be like “this is the perfect girl for my son – I’ll get him here right now to see her”? Stuff like that doesn’t happen.

    Look – I do remember being a young teen and having super intense crushes on guys – and sometimes doing stuff that was batshit crazy – but to reiterate what everyone else is saying – you don’t actually know him or his personality, you’ll meet lots of cute guys you can actually get to know and pursue something real with, and your crush is making you do/think bananas things to get close to this fantasy of a guy you’ve built up in your head.

    Just keep these fantasies in your head and reflect on them for your…ahem…private time, and leave it at that.

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