Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Abusive or not (what do I do)

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Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 71 total)
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  • #873469 Reply

    You guys were right. I went back to the apartment later and he used this against me to not speak to me all day and to leave and say it was “personal” like my text message. Then he got so angry when we were sleeping because I asked him if this is the way things were going to be from now on and went to take his pillow he was cuddling in bed since he was giving me silent treatment, then he grabbed me by my neck and dragged me out of the bed and I shouted “get off of me” and he said to shut up and threw me down then went back to sleep. I cried then laid on the couch all night. And this morning he woke up and asked if I was going with him to walk the dog. I nodded my head no and laid down I’m the bed. You guys were right. He showed me this behavior and he now behaves this way with me.

    #873470 Reply

    You need to leave as soon as possible. This guy is no good. Please get in contact with friends or family who care about you and can get you out of there. I’m so sorry. Good luck.

    #873479 Reply

    Leave. Don’t look back. Make a plan with a trusted friend to get all of your stuff and leave. He just showed you who he is. Don’t ignore this or try to make excuses. He is violent. He is abusive.

    #873480 Reply

    You need to get out of there as soon as possible. Also, is the dog yours? Abusers will often threaten or actually hurt a pet to force you to stay. Many shelters now accept pets for this reason. Please call 1-800-799-7233, they’ll help you make a plan to leave. Look up local womens shelters and domestic violence resources in your area and get yourself out. You’re in a really, really dangerous situation and your life is at risk. Please leave now and take the dog with you if the dog is yours.

    #873488 Reply

    Did you call the domestic violence hotline?

    Why are you waiting? Were you waiting to see if we were right?

    What do you think is going to happen while you wait?


    #873492 Reply

    This is escalating VERY quickly and is highly dangerous for you. Do not stick around.

    #873494 Reply

    If you don’t have anyone nearby who can help you right now, you could call the police, tell them what happened and ask them to wait while you grab what you need and get out. If you have bruising, they can take pictures and make a report and you can decide if you’d like to press charges or get a restraining order. I hope you have someone who can help you determine what you want to do. Good luck.

    #873495 Reply

    LW, are you aware that grabbing by the neck / strangling are signs that the person is capable of murder?

    #873496 Reply

    This is really bad. You need to be out of there today. Grabbing you by the neck is showing you that he could strangle you. Throwing you around shows that he can do what he wants with you. Asking if you want to go with him to walk the dog is showing you that nothing out of the ordinary happened. He is saying it is normal to grab you by the neck, drag you out of bed and throw you on the floor just because you asked a simple question.

    You need to save yourself now. He went from throwing his phone at you to grabbing you by the neck in half a day. Whatever you do, don’t tell him you are leaving him. He could be extremely violent when you leave. Use friends or family or both or the police if you need to leave while he is there. Call a woman’s shelter if you don’t have friends or family available. The shelter will keep you safe.

    #873498 Reply

    Choking/throat grabbing is the single biggest predictor that a violent partner will escalate to murder. If your partner has choked you, your risk of being killed is 10 times higher. Please get yourself and your pets away from this man right now. There may be begging, pleading, or promises of change. Do not listen, better yet block him on all platforms.

    #873501 Reply

    I hope you’re too busy making your escape from this terrifying situation to give us an update. I also hope you update in a few days or weeks that you did escape and are safe (but on guard)

    #873505 Reply

    look at all the advice, everyone is telling you to leave. It’s the answer you were brave enough to risk hearing when you asked the question. There will be things you have to do, they are not impossible, do them calmly one after the other, get yourself ready and go. There are many good places which can help and the very second you are free, contact them if you have not been able to before. They are amazing.

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