Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Advice on a family situation please

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  • This topic has 14 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks ago by avatarPeepee.
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  • #1009355 Reply

    Western people could advise this or that, but that advice doesn’t apply in your culture. For example, thousands and thousands of Western young people get cut off financially and emotionally and still manage to launch careers, education, etc. Culturally, it’s just not as unusual to be on your own as it is in an Asian culture.

    That said, I recommend seeking out a woman’s organization in your culture. NOT one that is traditional, but an organization that champions women’s rights. You may be able to find mentorship there for how to launch your life without getting suffocated by your family. In other words, SOMEONE has successfully navigated this situation, because it’s a very common situation in your culture. Some smart, brave woman has blazed a trail for others who want to be independent, educated, successful. You just have to start asking around — discreetly — to find those women. They’re out there.

    #1017496 Reply

    I would talk with the whole family as if it were a meeting, I would clarify the problems that exist between you and if you do not agree, you could find a solution that provides you with something, be it some tranquility, less bad vibes, etc. You could also look for a professional mediator so that you can solve the problem and that everything goes for the better, if you cannot find people with whom to spend time and interact and be more calm and carefree with them, spend more time with your friends, or with a family member with whom you get along. Talk to more people, gather advice and opinions and you will know what to do, a lot of encouragement and hopefully that bad streak will pass.

    #1029230 Reply


    I, too, am from an asian household and i understand how judgemental and hypocritical family members can be. I am incredibly sorry of the pain and frustration you are going through. And i am sorry that your parents are manipulating you because of your mental illness. That is cruel and infuriating.

    1. I think it is natural to feel uncomfortable around your father because you have lost respect for him. I know that many males in asian households are usually treated leniently compared to women and because hes your father the consequences were none. This may result in a lot of confusion and anger on your part because being female you know your mother wouldnt have got away with that. So you may feel what has happened as being unjust. That is perfectly valid and you should not feel guilty about that.

    2. The responsibility you and your sister face is immense. That is incredibly stressful for you and ypur sister to constantly be taking care of the household and bills. Although, it may seem natural to take responsibility at your age in an asian household i assure you that it will impact your family dynamic and that is not your fault. If too much responsilbity is placed on the next generation then there needs to be a mature conversation and line of communication between you, your sister and ypur parents. Although i realize in an asian household this is non existent and deemed “disrespectful”…

    So my last resort for you, if communication is something not established in your household, is to move out.

    I know we are in covid times and that we are stuck at home in reslly shitty situtaions but if you can afford to move out (and maybe even eith your sister), find an afforadble apartment, and can manage your expenses, then this is your best option. If you are attending college or uni then definitly move out of your parents house. By doing this, you may be able to repaur relationshios becaiee the distance helps family self reflect and see what they took for granted. Also, you can breath and be independent and MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS AND NOT BE CONTROLLED.

    I really hope that helps.

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