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Dear Wendy

Advice on how to Manage a Friend situation

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  • #1118393 Reply

    Hello everyone,

    Long story short, I am looking for advice on how I should handle myself in this situation with 2 friends (A and B). I’m closer with A, who is getting married and made me a bridesmaid recently. A and B were friends for a long time, albeit A has always been worn down with B’s more “pushy” nature. Got to a point where A finally had enough and decided to cut her off. B is currently not aware of this and thinks everything is normal. A has also now taken her off her wedding guest list.
    At this point, I’m doing all I can to stay out of this. I’m trying to let A know (as the closer friend, she vents to me a lot), that I would prefer to be left out of any talk about B, because I feel like I’ll just find myself further involved if she turns to me about B. However, I am at a loss what to do if B asks me about A’s wedding (she was still friends with A when A announced her engagement to us all). To B’s knowledge, she’s expecting to get invited and I feel it’s not my place to tell her she’s off the list. B has not mentioned A at all to me, so I feel this kind of talk won’t come up until A makes final confirmations on her wedding date. Would it be better not to bring it up and just pass her on to A until then?
    I haven’t talked to B in a while either and she just messaged me this week asking how I’ve been and I’m even wondering if I should mention I’ve been helping A with her wedding…
    Thank you for listening to my dumb story.

    #1118395 Reply
    Avatar photoDear Wendy

    I wouldn’t mention anything unless asked. If you’re asked about A’s wedding, you can be vague – “yes, wedding is still happening and I believe A is confirming her wedding date.” If she outright asks you about the wedding guest list, tell her you aren’t sure of all of A’s plans and B should reach out to A directly. Then it can be on A to explain herself when B asks.

    #1118396 Reply

    I don’t think you should worry about this situation unless it arises. Don’t borrow worries, as they say. Direct her to friend Am she’s responsible for her friendships, not you.

    #1118416 Reply

    You will be in the middle only if you put yourself there or if your friends demand that you choose one of them.

    If B asks, you direct them to A. If B demands you choose, then you have to make your choices at that time. If B demands that, know that not choosing is a choice. And that’s totally OK. Friends don’t get to demand that you stop being friends with someone they don’t like.

    #1118417 Reply

    “A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.”

    This is not your issue to fret over.

    #1118420 Reply

    If you don’t want to have an awkward conversation about the wedding, don’t bring it up a a topic.

    The answer to “How have you been” doesn’t have to mention helping with the wedding. I’m sure that’s not only thing you’ve been doing.

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