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Dear Wendy

Advice on living arrangements

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  • #993820 Reply

    I would like some advice on housing and living. Basically I live in London and I live with my elderly father who is 74. I am a 36 year old woman. We live in a council house which has three rooms and is in a great location in London. My father recently had a stroke and has had quite a few months in Hospital. Even though it’s been very traumatic for me I have enjoyed the space of living on my own. He has since been sharing her time between this house and my sisters, he is undecided of what she wants to do in terms of living arrangements . I recently have taken a new job as a teacher which has required a lot of responsibility and I feel after going through quite a few issues myself I would like to move out on my own. I love my father dearly but as a 36 year old woman it’s quite difficult living with my father as I don’t have the freedom I would like to. My sister hasn’t opened up the choice for him to live with her which I feel would be more suited to him as he would be closer to my sister and brother as they both live in Kent. They both have children too so he would be seeing his grandchildren. Here in London it’s just me so when I’m at work my dad is mostly on his own. Even though he is independent. I just feel it’s not good for him. Is there any way I can speak to the council or any schemes that I could be suited to or what me and my father could do? I don’t have any savings and I am nervous about talking to my father about this situation as I don’t want to put him under stress.

    #994224 Reply

    I think it’d be perfectly reasonable to ask what in home care he might be entitled to no matter where he lives, that could open up a few more possibilities. I imagine that he and your sister need to be part of the conversation though. At the moment it’s all conjecture, with kids your sister may not be keen to have him there full time.

    #996191 Reply

    As an adult, you actually do have the freedom to live as you please even if your roommate is a parent. But if your morals or way of living clash with the parent, you have to be willing to upset him. And if he is paying for all the household expenses, you may have to comply with his terms in order to room with him.

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