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Advice on my relationship

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  • #879980 Reply
    avatarAlexa
    Guest

    Hi everyone
    I would really appreciate your advice. Me and boyfriend have been together for 6 years now. We are both in how mid 30s. We have had a rocky relationship in the past and separated last summer but now we are in a much better place and working things through. He lives alone in his own flat and I live in a house with my elderly father. I am on the tenancy of the house i live in so if my father isn’t here no more I will have a property of my own. Sometimes I think I should suggest to my boyfriend that we should live together at his place but would I be silly to do that? If I move in with him I would have to take my name off the tenancy which means if things don’t work out I won’t have no where to go. But if I stay in my house I feel my relationship isn’t going to go further because we live a part. My father isn’t keen on my boyfriend moving in as they don’t get on. What should I do?

    #879981 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Why does your father dislike your boyfriend? At your age, your father’s opinion of your boyfriend really shouldn’t matter, but his dislike is clearly strong enough that he’s willing to hold your living situation over your head. Is your father controlling, or was this “rocky” period enough for him to be concerned for your safety?

    #879984 Reply
    avatarAlexa
    Guest

    No my father is far from controlling he lets me do what I want. Unfortunately my boyfriend has behaved in a way that’s upset my father. My boyfriend was a little careless with me and my father has seen me be very upset because of this. MY father is polite to him and kind to him but I don’t think he would be happy for boyfriend to live with us. It would be arkward

    #879986 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Stay with your dad.

    #879990 Reply
    CurlyQueCurlyQue
    Participant

    Why does your father live with you? Does he need assistance? If he doesn’t need assistance, and you move out would your father continue living there? I don’t know a lot about tenantcy rules but i don’t understand why you couldn’t move back in with your father if things didn’t work out.

    #879993 Reply
    avatarOracle
    Guest

    The handwriting is on the wall. You should have dumped this “boyfriend” a long time ago. Six years of “rocky”? Oh please.

    #879995 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    If she moves in with her boyfriend and her (elderly) dad passes away, then things don’t work out with the boyfriend, then she’ll have nowhere to go.

    Is that it, LW?

    Is there any possible way you can try to support yourself — meaning, enough to rent a place on your own if it comes to that? That will give you a lot more choices than you have now. What is the obstacle to getting a job that pays more, whereby you can support yourself?

    #880004 Reply
    avatarPurpleStar
    Guest

    Since it sounds like you cannot afford to rent a flat on your own you should stay with your Dad. If your boyfriend wanted to live with you, I would think that after 6 years of dating, he would have suggested it by now. You should not suggest living together it to a man you have a rocky relationship and a recent breakup.

    You wrote “My boyfriend was a little careless with me and my father has seen me be very upset because of this.” What exactly does this mean – a little careless of you??? Did he forget your birthday careless, or did his hand “accidentally” backhand you across the face careless?

    Stay with your Dad. Ensure that you have a proper roof over your head. Eventually the tenancy will be in your name and you will no longer have to depend on others in that way.

    #880020 Reply
    avatarALEXA
    Guest

    It wasn’t a rocky six year relationship we went through a rocky patch. He was went through a hard time mentally and pushed me away. He didn’t cheat or was violent. That wasn’t my issue anyways. We have spoke about living together and he is open to the idea it just the circumstances for me is that houses are so hard to come by that if I give up the tenancy then it will be very unlikely that I will get another place. As we all know sometimes life doesn’t work out the way we want it so I am trying to be rational and think what best suits me but on the other hand and I’m not moving forward in our relationship

    #880021 Reply
    avatarALEXA
    Guest

    Also I live in London I wouldn’t be able roc afford a place of my own. I am training to become a teacher and even then it wouldn’t be enough.

    #880026 Reply
    avatarAnchrige
    Guest

    I can understand feeling of stagnation, that after 6 years there’s no clear progression to your relationship. Six years gives you a lot of time to decide whether this is for the (even) long(er) term – and you seem to envision that moving in together could indeed be the death stroke. You need to get on a better footing before your relationship can go further. This might also be a “Shit Or Get Off The Pot” moment.

    The London property and rental market is a mess – the average rent for a whole house is about £5k. But they’re not *that hard to come by, unless you’re waiting for the council. As a Londoner, I’m pretty resigned to the fact that I will not live in a house for the next couple of decades – and what is wrong with a flat? You can get a one bedroom for under £1.5k a month depending on the area of London – but you don’t seem to be envisioning him chipping in with much rent? Does he own his flat, or is it a council?

    As a state school teacher in inner London, that’s a starting salary of £30k – you will find somewhere. But you also have a duty to your father that goes beyond waiting for him to die so you can have the house for yourself. This doesn’t preclude you living your own life as an adult, but where does he go if you give up the tenancy?

    #880042 Reply
    avatarAlexa
    Guest

    Hi thank you for your comment anchrige.

    Well At the moment I have a three bedroom house in the middle of London’s and I pay not a lot of rent due to my dads pension. My dad would be able to stay here if i did move. I’m just worried and thinking about my future that if this relationship didn’t work out I would regret giving up a place that is council and having to rent. I just feel I that I would be giving up so much more then my boyfriend. His life wouldn’t change at all if we didn’t work out. I know it sounds pessimistic but I feel like I have to be realistic when a lot is at stake. This issue has bugged me for so long long about what to do, hence why I’m 35 and still living in this situation. I ask you kindly if you was me what would you want to do because to be quite honest I really don’t have a Clue

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