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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Advice on something that’s probably a really stupid dilemma…. please

Home Forums Advice & Chat Advice on something that’s probably a really stupid dilemma…. please

  • This topic has 72 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Anonymousse.
Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 73 total)
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  • #1115677 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist?
    Guest

    Dude, it’s okay. Read some of the other threads here. Men often get shat on here. Especially young guys say 18 to 30. It’s one of the reasons I keep offering advice myself. I feel like this group is not being well catered to here.

    I am not saying that to be nasty either, I have empathy for the woman who attack the guys as well. As they themselves have been victims of what is obviously inappropriate behaviour to say the least. Their personal experience can sometimes cloud there judgement, but that is human. It happens to me as well with some topics.

    The advice given is often good advice too, it’s just that it is not delivered in a very empathetic or kind manner. We are all humans and we all have to suffer through this existence, and some people here sometimes forget that. It is not fair of us to take our personal suffering out on others because that just perpetuates the cycle of trauma.

    Bro, despite this experience you are still loved and I wish you well in the future.

    To those others who read this, I don’t say this to be cruel or horrible. I don’t say it to attack you. You too are loved. I am saying it to give you some food for thought. Please don’t use this thread to attack me for what I have said, because I am not going to reply to it.


    @Kate
    , I would also like to commend you as I often see you try extremely hard to be empathic with people, even when it is difficult for you. You sometimes fail. But having interacted with you and few times I must say the experience has not been unpleasant. Good on you!

    #1115682 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    Gosh, listen to you, “men get shat on, men 18-30 aren’t catered to here, victims, suffering, cycle of trauma. Cruel, horrible, attack, attack.”

    There are many websites where young white men can have their insecurities catered to. If you enjoy this one, you’re welcome here. What’s not welcome is sexist bullshit. I know that you try to see women as equals. Sometimes you fail. You get called out. If this feels cruel, horrible, attack, attack, understand how that’s part of a larger and very disturbing trend of white male grievance.

    #1115683 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist
    Guest

    I am not white.

    #1115685 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Your Facebook profile determined that is a lie.

    #1115686 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist
    Guest

    My people look white. But we are not. I am African.

    #1115687 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    But you know what, even though you present as Caucasian and I made that assumption, I don’t know your ethnic background.

    You do sound like a mouthpiece for young white male grievance though a lot of the time.

    ETA, More of the time you sound just regular sexist, which is where I think Anonymousse was getting an impression of someone older. It’s in the repeated theme in your posts about women needing to be looked after by men and not having the wherewithal or judgment to take care of themselves. You did it here too, you said women’s judgment gets clouded. You also tried to condescend to me in your last paragraph. Look, I’m not here trying to be so nice and empathetic like a woman should. Im not trying to ensure that you always have a pleasant experience here. As a moderator, I’m trying to make sure people stick to the commenting guidelines for the forum.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Kate.
    #1115688 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    “I will not respond.”

    You always do, though.

    As for the LW…

    I never said you should try to get to know her. I don’t know if anyone here actually did, because that is not appropriate, as we’ve said so many times. Don’t chat her up in basic training. Don’t encourage your personal crushes non your superiors, boss or anyone else at work when you feel “captivated.”

    You can whine all you want about all of us “kicking you when you’re down.” We’re trying to help you not harass women at work. That’s offensive to most of us, because we are women and have had many, many experience of men being inappropriate with us. Why would attempting to teach you to be respectful women at all times, even work- be so offensive to you?

    #1115690 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist
    Guest

    @Kate. Okay. Explain this to me. How is the continued abuse of this man justified? He admitted you were right, yet others here still saw fit to continue bagging on him and make comments such as “in your pants feelings” or to tell him to get tinder.

    How is the continued beratement of this young guy justified? He agreed he was wrong and decided not to act. Why start abusing him?

    Please don’t make me explain why making comments about the thing between the guy’s legs is inappropriate. We all know I’m right about that one.

    Now I understand that from a female perspective, tinder may seem like an easy place to meet people, but I don’t know… from a personal perspective, I find it soul-destroying as a man. I don’t like I am expected to be ranked and rank people solely on looks; less face isn’t exactly a fair way to judge someone’s character, especially on an app like that where a third of the pictures of photoshopped or taken from extremely flattering angles.

    Since you have violated my privacy and looked me up online, look at my pictures; I don’t look like the most attractive man in the world, do I? I mean, I’m not fat, but I am overweight, but that isn’t my fault it is genetic. Most people in my ethnic group are overweight.

    From looking at those pictures, you wouldn’t know that I walk an hour to and from seminary three to four times a week, would you? You wouldn’t know that I go swimming at the gym for two 2-hour sessions a week, but I do. I don’t eat junk food and cook healthy meals that I freeze, but no matter what I do, I can’t lose weight. There is no way on earth that I will win a game of who has the hottest body on an App like tinder, and I know very few men that would. Every man I have spoken to about it has had the same experience. Men don’t get matches unless they have a generically boring profile and sex-pak abes.

    I recently read a study that states that for every something like 45 right swipes a woman get’s on tinder, her male equivalent only gets one. And most right swipes only happen for the top ten percent of male users. Tinder is a scam designed to drain men of their money. I’m sorry, but that is my opinion.

    I’m not picky on these apps either; provided a woman doesn’t already seem to have kids (which is my prerogative to decide whether or not I want to get involved with), I normally swipe right regardless of what they look like.

    The only matches I ever get on tinder are people wanting hookups, which given my calling, I’m sure you can understand I am not interested in. Tinder, in my experience, is just a sess pool. I don’t judge people for being on it, and I do know couples that have met through it, but in my experience, it is not something I use unless I feel in need of a slice of humble pie; which I do sometimes feel in need of, I’m not going to lie.

    Oh, and before someone suggests bumble, go to heck; most of the women on there, at least where I live, don’t even understand how the app works. What feels like half the profiles say something like, “Message first, I’m shy”. The whole point of bumble is that men can’t message first. Women are meant to instigate the first conversation; it’s the whole selling point of the App! And, no, I didn’t use the app once saw one profile like that and then stopped. I used the app for three months and came across it multiple times; it was rage-inducing as it felt like the woman with those profiles was just out to waste my time.


    @Kate
    , when I made that comment at the end of my previous rant, I was being genuine. I am sorry that you seem to think I was attacking you. I wasn’t.

    #1115691 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Omg, again with “attack.” I don’t feel attacked.

    I’m the moderator for this forum. Have you read the commenting guidelines? No one called this guy any names. They continue to respond to him because he keeps replying. Suggesting someone use a leading dating app to, well, find dates, is not abusive. Even if said app doesn’t work for you.

    #1115692 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    PS the person who suggested Tinder is a man.

    #1115693 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist
    Guest

    I did not say woman’s judgement get clouded. I said people who suffer abuse, which I am acknowledging women do experience unfairly from men, sometimes let their abuse colour the way they see the world. As a survivor of trauma myself, I recognise I often do too. It is a human thing, not a gender thing.

    #1115694 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist
    Guest

    “in your pants feelings” is an abusive comment. I am sorry but is.

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