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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Advice on something that’s probably a really stupid dilemma…. please

Home Forums Advice & Chat Advice on something that’s probably a really stupid dilemma…. please

  • This topic has 72 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Anonymousse.
Viewing 12 posts - 61 through 72 (of 73 total)
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  • #1115737 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    Yeah, us women, out there on dating apps SOLELY to waste men’s time…not like dating for women isn’t also rife with actually horrible issues. “Wasting time,” like wanting a picture of you first? Or taking time to get to know you or is this the time wasted we’re talking about just messaging?

    Women:
    They simply owe anyone in the world anything they want! Not like we don’t have minds, needs, wants of our own.

    #1115739 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    Wow I missed that comment about being enraged by some woman’s profile on Bumble asking men to message her first. Enraged because she was out to waste WDWE’s time. I kind of skimmed that rant. What the fuck with feeling rage at a profile? That’s disturbing.

    #1115740 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    As a dumb ignorant American, I actually am curious what third-world African country this is where the people appear white (but aren’t) and are overweight. He said in his other post that it was a dangerous place to live. Anyone know? Is it South Africa?

    #1115742 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    I only have heard of the rare albino. Aren’t white South Africans just generally racist jerks/descended from apartheid colonizers (like Elon musk?) This is what I’ve read, I don’t know him personally.

    #1115743 Reply
    Ange
    Guest

    Potentially North African too, somewhere that isn’t quite as dark like Egyptian or something.

    #1115746 Reply
    bloodymediocrity
    Participant

    Geez, I go like 2 days without checking the forums and miss Kate finally kicking WDWE’s ass. Damn.

    After getting divorced in 2013 and having absolutely zero dating experience I tried online dating and it was honestly a great experience for me. I met several interesting people really quickly, one of whom is now my wife.

    At first I was surprised to learn all about the frustrations most men seem to have of the apps. Once I learned about what women truly experience in online dating it all made sense. It seems like a lot of men don’t treat women like sentient beings on there, send a message that just says “hey” and are then shocked that they aren’t boning within 24 hours.

    #1115748 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    He did it to himself!

    #1115751 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    The self-own with the tinder rant, I could never.

    #1115753 Reply
    Fyodor
    Participant

    “At first I was surprised to learn all about the frustrations most men seem to have of the apps. ”

    I mean generally online dating involves a lot of rejection. You’re asking people out or reaching out to be people with less of a foundation than you would have on other circumstances so you are more likely to get rejected more often . There are platforms that are better or worse than others but that’s baseball. If you are incapable of understanding the internality of other humans it may seem unfair and cruel.

    Even setting aside online dating there are just more resources out there for meeting people and finding a partner these days.* There’s no excuse for causing others or yourself problems at the workplace. I guess that this is a species of my “half the world is women” advice . Lotsa people out there, lots of ways to meet em. No good reason to pursue a problematic dating situation.

    *see e.g. https://dearwendy.com/topic/do-you-know-what-this-means/#post-1115731

    #1115754 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    Like BM, I met my spouse through online dating, in 2012 before really the apps. I used Match. There was a lot to complain about even then, but it know it’s gotten a lot worse. It’s just ~classic~ that WDWE thinks only men are having their time wasted on there or getting hookup requests. These sites and apps are not idiot-proof. If you’re going to go on there willy-nilly and be an idiot, you’re not going to have a good experience. If you’re someone with a bullshit detector and a proven track record of getting along with people of whatever gender you’re interested in, you’ll probably be okay. It’s not some kind of magic wand for people who are socially incompetent.

    #1115755 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    I think it’s hilarious he thinks the apps are a joyous walk in the park for women. I never had an issue getting matches or lining up dates, I’ll give WDWE that much. And I did meet some nice guys that way. But I dealt with flakes, ghosting, and rejection like everyone else. Sometimes I got named called, harassed, and/or was made to feel slightly unsafe. A friend of a good friend was legitimately stalked — and NOT the online version of stalking that’s not actually stalking. I’ve had multiple friends end up unknowingly dating men who were married or in relationships but holding themselves out as single. It’s rough out there for everyone, not just men, and it’s so stupid to think otherwise.

    #1115758 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    This has been highly amusing to watch.

    @Copa – it’s a matter of perspective some guys’ goal is “I want to get laid”. And since people assume everyone’s motives are the same it must stand to reason that everyone on a dating site wants to get laid. So obviously all the women who are on dating sites must be getting laid and therefore they are picking other men.

    And dudes it’s only going to get worse. Per recent news, women are committing less, marrying less and making more money doing just that. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-08-31/women-not-having-kids-get-richer-than-men

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