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Aggressive Neighbours Dispute- What can I do?

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  • This topic has 7 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by avatarLizzy.
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  • #961157 Reply
    avatarLizzy
    Guest

    Hi,
    I just wanted to come on here & ask for some advice as I feel I’m stuck in a very stressful & threatening situation. To explain:

    I am currently in the process of moving back into my parents home, due to Covid I am unable to afford my rent. However the move won’t be too much as we both live in the same Road. In fact there are only 4 houses in our road so it is quite quiet. For the past 2 years I have lived next door to the Loudest, Aggressive, I’m considering family ever. So to be moving back into my mums house I was glad to be rid of them. But an incident happened a few days ago which has left me feeling anxious.

    To basically sum up my neighbours – A woman in her 60s is the one who owns the house, then her 2 adult daughters come to visit every few days or sleep over. (They are all alcoholics)
    They have no respect for keeping the noise down. I have constantly heard them fighting, screaming at eachother & screeching at their children around 2/3am in the morning. Or slamming doors. A few weeks ago I was woken up at 4am by somebody banging on my door, calling my name & crying. I opened the door and one of the adult daughters ran in. She was covered in bruises and blood saying she had been attacked by her sister & her mum next door. Her sister then ran inside to take her back but they ended up screaming & fighting, I told them they have to both leave as I have a 4 year old child in bed. In the end I had to ring the Police as I had no way of removing this woman from my house. She was removed about an hour later. They have never apologised or thanked me for helping them that morning.

    I have endured so much noise & disturbance over the past 2 years, and I have always kept quiet as they are not the type of people you can reason with. I have thought about putting complaints into the housing association for being so noisy but I’ve always backed out of the idea as I feared it would do more harm than good.

    Which brings me to my current situation. Due to the process of moving home, I have to get rid of a lot of rubbish I can no longer take with me. On Sunday Morning my partner went to the house as he needed to break down our old Sofa so it could fit in our Skip. It required him to use a hammer & chisel to cut it open and break it down. It was around 10am as the Skip had just been delivered. Just to note – It is not illegal to start working or noisy work after 8am. We did our work for the day & returned to the house at 10pm as we needed to get some clothes.

    As we returned the neighbour (the one in her 60s) started shouting out of her window to us that we had woken her up at 6am by banging, we explained politely that we wasn’t at our house at 6am. We started moving & breaking down our sofa at 10am & that it is not illegal to do so.
    She then became very irate & began yelling even more saying that we woke her up deliberately, and we could’ve done it in our back yard (even though this would’ve made the same amount of noise- if not even more)
    I then became very irritated as we have always been polite neighbours, and now we where being verbally abused by this woman so I responded by saying it was very cheeky of her to accuse us of waking her deliberately, we have nothing to gain from waking her, and the fact that we have had to listen to her screaming at her kids/grandkids for the past 2 years at unreasonable times of the day. And also that she had woken my 4 year old son up many times before. She then responded with a very hurtful insult by calling me a “stupid bitch” & brought my son into the argument which to me is very personal & uncalled for.

    I then again explained we did not wake her deliberately, that if we did wake her why didn’t she come out at 10am and ask us to leave it for a while? and I also asked her what my child had to do with this conversation. At this moment in time I was very “hot headed” and I did call her an alcoholic because I was so angry. She then went back inside.
    We proceeded to the house for our clothes & then went back to my parents house (which is over the road)

    I received a phone call an hour later from her daughter who was very drunk or seemed it by how she was slurring her words.
    At first she asked me what happened & I explained politely but I kept getting interrupted by her screaming & shouting down the phone.
    She accused me of calling her mum a slag/whore which I never did which was explained to her. I tried to tell her my side of the story but I was met with very aggressive shouting. Basically to sum up the phone call she has threatened to “break my jaw” to “kick me up and down my road” and also she has threatened my family members – my parents, partner & brother.

    I hung up the call as I didn’t see the point to it, it was only feeding into her anger.

    I went to bed feeling very threatened and anxious.

    My whole household were awoken at 7am in the morning with the adult daughter screaming outside of my parents home, shouting abuse at us. She was accusing me again of calling her mother a whore which again I denied, and then was saying she was going to “get me”.

    My mother & brother came outside to calm her down & explain what had happened. But she was very drunk, it took about an hour outside talking it through with her & explaining what her mother had said about my child. But every-time we thought she was calming down she would pipe up again with the shouting/screaming/crying.
    My mum eventually told her to come back once she was sober as it was pointless speaking to her whilst she was in that state and that she had woken us all up at 7am.

    Nothing has happened since, she did not come back over to talk. But I did see last night she has thrown eggs all over my old house & milk all over the windows. ( very immature for a 40 year old woman to do).

    This has all happened over the space of a few days.
    I have thought about contacting the police over her threats as I am worried to go out.
    I don’t believe I am in the wrong here, I admit I shouldn’t have called her mother a alcoholic but I was met with aggression so I gave it back.
    I have endured hell with this particular neighbour but they are also very intimidating & what makes it worse is we live in a small community so if I were to see them whilst shopping or taking my son to school they wouldn’t think twice about making a scene.

    I also have stuff still to remove from my old home, and 2 cats that I have to feed regularly. My plan was to retrieve the animals the next day but the adult daughter was there & I felt if I went over it would only add fuel to the fire.

    I am just in two minds of what to do, Part of me wants to try to talk it out & reconcile for the sake of a peaceful life, part of me wants to report them to the police for the threats & vandalism (but that doesn’t bode well for me in the long term) and then part of me wants to pack up & leave. But I have as much right to live here as anyone this is my childhood home.

    If anybody can give advice I would be grateful, I am aware how long this post is so I am thankful if you have read until the end.
    To mention I am a 22 year old female & I live in the U.K.

    #961211 Reply
    avatarkatmich15
    Participant

    You are not in the wrong here, good grief these people sound awful! It’s not surprising you gave it back to her after everything you have endured for the past two years, you have been polite in order to try to keep peace but everyone has their breaking point.
    As for what you should do, these do not sound like people you can reason with, and on top of that, it sounds like they are always drunk. If it was me, I would document everything that has happened in the last few days, as you have done here, and go to the police to make a report. I would ask their advice on how to proceed, I would lean toward having the report on file in case further incidents happen, but not have them go over there at this point as it might make things worse, in case your not being next door anymore might help. But the police have certainly dealt with many such situations, so I would see what they advise.
    And I would take a couple people with you when you go to get the cats (how have they been fed?), so you are not alone, but make the police report first.
    And going forward, I would also film anything they do, such as coming over to your parents’ house and making a scene, so you have proof – I wouldn’t even go out to talk to them, it doesn’t sound like any of them can be reasonable, and of course, they are always drunk.
    I feel bad for you, what an awful situation, I hope others chime in as I haven’t been through this, but a friend of mine did.

    #961213 Reply
    avatarele4phant
    Guest

    I mean…they sound awful and you’re not really at fault here, but why did you poke the bear, as it were? Engaging was destined to up the ante

    I think at this point, just lay low and avoid them at all costs. You see them walking down the street, turn around and dead the other way. You’re a bit further away from them now, right? They’ll probably move on (mentally, unfortunately probably not phyiscally) at some point, usually people that are hot messes don’t fixate for too long on one thing.

    If they continue to harass you, yes call the police. I often advocate to work it out with neighbors, give them the benefit of the doubt, and maybe give a little even if you aren’t in the “wrong” in order to maintain the peace, but it seems like for you, that’s not a good idea.

    You kind of need them to be in their right minds and have a history of being reasoanble in order to try to reconcile. These neighbors, doesn’t sound like they are capable of that.

    #961214 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Right, I don’t understand this need to engage with and try to converse on a normal level with known alcoholics with a history of problematic behavior. Just… why? They yell at you for making noise at “6am,” why do you not just think, oh, she’s crazy and probably drunk, and just say, “sorry if it woke you!” And move on with your day? Why take it personally and get into it?

    A really valuable skill to learn is how not to engage with people that are just nuts, as well as learning when it would be beneficial to engage and how to do it.

    #961217 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    You need to get your cats immediately. Take people with you, I suppose, but your cats shouldn’t be left there wondering where the hell their owners are or if they’re coming back.

    Agree with everyone else re: documentation, etc. There is no need to escalate with people who are obviously off.

    #961218 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    “A really valuable skill to learn is how not to engage with people that are just nuts, as well as learning when it would be beneficial to engage and how to do it.”

    I am in violent agreement. It will save you a lot of time and energy.

    #961219 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Can you get a cheap camera and put it up? Take pictures of the egging. File a report, maybe. I don’t really know whether that’s a good idea or not at this point, considering you’re going to still be living near them, right?

    Take a friend or two and get your cats. Stop fighting with crazy. Just don’t respond.

    #961317 Reply
    avatarLizzy
    Guest

    Thanks everybody for your advice. It has really helped me a lot in how I can move forwards.
    To answer some questions my partner was feeding our cats, they have now came over with us.

    In hindsight I shouldn’t of argued back, I probably should have ignored it but at that moment in time I was tired, stressed because of the moving & I had had enough of the double standards.
    It was only a couple of month prior they had been begging me for my WiFi password & then continually knocking & asking to use my sons toys which are in our backyard. I feel like I had been so kind & rose above their noisy, unapologetic behaviour so when I was met with the aggression I just couldn’t hold mine back.

    I haven’t seen them since I posted which I suppose is a good thing.
    I will document & record anything if it happens (or should I say when). These certainly aren’t the type of people you can reason with.
    I think I will avoid them if I see them & the only time I will do anything other than ignore is if I am threatened.

    Thankyou all so much for the feedback it is very much appreciated 🙂

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