Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

All of a sudden –

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  • This topic has 25 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by avatarTiti.
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  • #1048816 Reply
    avatarTiti
    Participant

    Somebody please help me, I don’t know what to do at this point…

    So there’s this guy friend from work, let’s call him Simon. We’ve been getting along very well after one day he came to my desk 30 mins before 4pm, and we’vc made a habit of chatting at that time of the day since then. We became friends a bit later, though.

    There’s been 1 or 2 weeks when he simply stopped talking to me for some reason. Later I learned it was family issues. Well, alright.

    One day we started to organize a party at my place, and while making plans he admitted he thought I had some problem with him that’s why he was not brave enough to come up with it, that’s why he’s been avoiding me. At the party came the turning point, when we became friends, because after our friends left we talked about basically everything. Just like we’ve known each other for years.

    There is another guy from work, name him Stephen, who’s been chasing me for quite a long time. Once he admitted he’d fallen for me, and that he will leave his gf, just I should give him time bc things are complicated atm (ill mother, dad at hospital). I believed him, because I felt he was genuine, I could see it from his actions, how he talked to me, behaved with me. Then at this party Simon told me that on one occasion Stephen told him he found me very attractive and that I will be with him in no time, only if for a night. Oc I was shocked, though it happend months before Stephen told me about his feelings, also he said at that time when he said these he was just dreaming of me even noticing him.

    Ok…

    So after Simon told me this I felt even closer to him, appreciating his candor. We went home by bus and stopped at a nearby playground, where Simon hugged me and it felt like he wanted to kiss me, but I stopped him, bc I knew he had a girlfriend. After the party we’d spent literally every single possible moment together at work (lunch, breaks).

    Then one day he texted me we should meet up for drinks on Saturday. We talked about Stephen, how disappointed I was, how could he do all the things, he’s such a player etc. We had a bit too much and we ended up kissing… I know, I know. But next day we agreed we don’t remember a thing and nothing happened. Bc really, we were drunk. Friends kissing, so what, means nothing. After this he told me he felt like I was the first one he can genuinely trust, and also the first one he’s brave enough to show his true self, especially at work, that he feels connection, dare be vulnerable, because he knows he can trust me.

    Next day at work I asked how were things with his gf, he said she’s still not talking, she says there is no problem, but Simon could feel there obviously is. So it frustrated him. Then again when I asked the day after, he just wouldn’t say a thing, I started to feel like he will ignore me again, so I left him and we didn’t talk for 2 days.

    Then came another drinking Saturday, when he admitted it hurt him very much when I ignored him. I said I was just tired of always ensuring him he can still tell me everything but he just wouldn’t. On that Saturday we talked more about his private life, we decided to ignore Stephen, bc we don’t need such a con in our life. When we said goodybe we had a little fight on something that we both want an end to our problems finally, bc they frustrated us. But then I texted him to see if everything’s ok and he seemed normal, we agreed we should keep it up, not just always talk about problems…

    Then I had a day-off and the day I went back to work he simply ignored me again, but this time I saw something in his eyes, a break or something. I thought it was family or gf issues again, but however hard I tried to talk to him, he just simply ignored my presence. I asked him help in a work issue, he solved it so quick and so jumpy, he couldn’t wait to dash away, I had no chance again to talk. When he had his lunch break I went to him asking what the problem was. He was not even looking at me, and with an ironic laughter he said nothing changed, he feels no change. Come on, after everything he told me… I texted him in the afternoon, but no answer. He posted a song ’It’s over’ and ’Awkward’ and that’s it. Since then complete radio silence. I texted him again today, he at least read it but still no answer.

    My other colleagues think the problem is not with me, but I can see he’s not avoiding anyone else, what’s more he’d become best buddies with Stephen!!!!

    I texted Stephen too, if he knew anything, but he said no, but tried to help me. No luck. I really don’t know what to do, according to my flatmate they’re just playing me. But why? I knew he meant what he said, and we are really very very similar, I see him for what he is. And now? What else could I do??

    Thank you for your advice….

    #1048874 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    He has a girlfriend who he’s trying to make things work with. That’s it. That’s the whole mystery solved.

    #1048935 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    For chrissakes, don’t mess around with guys who have girlfriends. Just don’t. There are THOUSANDS of men out there. If a guy has a girlfriend, but then starts telling you “you’re the only one I can trust” and “I can be myself with you,” etc etc, he’s full of shit. Completely full of shit.

    Don’t even bother getting mad, ignoring him, playing these stupid games. Leave BOTH of them alone and date someone you don’t work with.

    #1049022 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You shouldn’t make out with/date guys at work, you shouldn’t make out/date guys who have girlfriends, and you shouldn’t be asking other people if the coworker you have a crush on is mad at you.

    Date single men that you don’t work with. It’s much better than being the source and object of office drama. Stop involving coworkers in your love life.

    #1049028 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Yeah, maybe try to date single people you don’t work with. Far less drama. Though I suspect you are, well… addicted to drama.

    🤷‍♂️

    #1049044 Reply
    avatarTiti
    Participant

    Thank you all, oh boy, I don’t want to be a drama queen…

    #1049096 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Then stop messing around with people at work and involving people at work in the ensuing drama. It’s all VERY unprofessional.

    PS —- Turning to a guy who wants to sleep with you for advice about the another guy who wants to sleep with you is about as drama creating as it gets.

    #1049097 Reply
    avatarTiti
    Participant

    But why do you think Simon started to use silent treatment out of the blue?

    #1049105 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Because he’s in a relationship!

    #1049117 Reply
    avatarTiti
    Participant

    He should have been aware of that when we became friends, too 😄

    #1049118 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Yes, it’s because he’s in a relationship. Maybe it’s not the best relationship, but he prioritizes it over whatever is going on with you. You’re a source of attention and maybe a sounding board, but what he really cares about is his relationship with his girlfriend. He’s gone silent on you before because he wants to focus on his relationship. Please just let him do that, respect the boundaries he’s attempting to put in place, and leave him alone. Stop chasing after guys who have girlfriends.

    #1049119 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    It’s not the silent treatment, it’s a healthy boundary necessary to preserve his monogamous romantic relationship.

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