Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

All of a sudden –

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Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 26 total)
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  • #1049125 Reply
    avatarbloodymediocrity
    Participant

    It would have been nice if he could have been honest with you and said “look, I can’t keep doing this. I’m not leaving her for you.” but he didn’t. This is the new status quo.

    #1049128 Reply
    avatarTiti
    Participant

    I’m not chasing him as a guy, I’m chasing him as a friend. Since he’s clearly been acting like one, that should buy me at least an answer, don’t you think? We’re humans, does communication have to be such a big deal?

    #1049137 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    You are not really this dense. He feels like he overstepped with the friendship. That it was inappropriate. He feels that he can’t be friends with you without it getting inappropriate. He wants to end the friendship and just be normal co-workers. Sure, it’d be nice if he’d explain that to you, but you don’t actually need an explanation. You can see what’s happening here. Be respectful and leave him alone.

    #1049140 Reply
    avatarktfran
    Participant

    Then ask him? Actually ask him instead of playing games? Texting “what’s wrong” or “is everything ok” is not asking.

    You both crossed the line by kissing. Going back to “just friends” after that didn’t work. He has realized that and is prioritizing his relationship.

    You’re clearly into this guy. He knows it. So he has pulled back.

    It’s truly that simple.

    #1049149 Reply
    avatarTiti
    Participant

    I asked him, and not just like what’s wrong. And I have to see him every day feeling like the dumb bc he could not even do as much as telling me to fck off. I think everyone deserves an answer why they are being ignored, which is in itself is a rather ugly behavior tbh.

    #1049150 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    He isn’t your friend, though. That’s what he’s telling you by ignoring you and avoiding you. He doesn’t want to be friends. Your coworkers can be awesome and fun and become good friends but you really shouldn’t rely on them for all your social activity. This is way too much for a coworker friendship, even if that’s what it was. Which it wasn’t because you crossed the line.
    Respect him taking space from you and stop asking him and talking about him to others. Keep your friendships and career a little more separate.

    #1049154 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Everyone doesn’t deserve an answer though. Here’s the thing: people are hesitant to be truthful because they don’t want to deal with someone flipping out on them. Which, as you know, happens. Additionally, a lot of people don’t know how to explain their feelings. As an adult, you need to understand that there are things people can’t or won’t tell you. Sometimes you just have to read the room. You know what’s going on here, we all see it, you don’t need him to explicitly spell it out for you.

    #1049163 Reply
    avatarTiti
    Participant

    Sadly he turned out to become everything he said he wouldn’t…

    #1049168 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Ok, yeah, that happens. People show you who they are over time.

    #1049194 Reply
    avatarBittergaymark
    Guest

    Oh, please. You claim you just want him to be honest. Please. He’s being honest. He’s icing you out as you keep pestering and bothering him and —- frankly, yes, you ARE chasing after him. Hello? The kissing?

    And you all work together. Yeah. This is a REAL mess.

    Stop trying to get involved with colleagues who are already involved with somebody else. It only causes a mess —- clearly.

    #1049478 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    “I’m not chasing him as a guy, I’m chasing him as a friend.”

    Come ON! You went on for 12 paragraphs about this guy, complete with kissing, “the turning point,” etc. You expect us to believe you want him as a friend only?

    The answer is No, you don’t “deserve” an answer. That is not a thing, actually. You can’t force anyone to talk to you; he’s allowed his decisions. From your responses, I can tell why he isn’t breaking this all down for you — because you won’t accept what he’d say. You’re trying to turn him into some kind of villain because he put up some boundaries. Totally not cool of you.

    Yes, you have to work with him and see him every day, which is why you shouldn’t MESS WITH PEOPLE AT WORK.

    #1050256 Reply
    avatarDesio
    Guest

    I mean it’s very simple. If a guy really likes you he will not spend too much time not calling you his girlfriend. The rest are just random dudes. Don’t waste your attention on them and for the love of God don’t get drunk and kiss your co-workers, that is never a good look. Make it a rule to not date your co-workers which you’re not dating- by the sounds of it these guys are just trying to get in your pants. Set a higher level for yourself believe me you will not be suffering for silly issues like these and no f-boy will even get near you. They’ll try but you won’t let them cause you value yourself more. Okay I’m done

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