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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Am I at fault for my breakup? Will he come back after blocking?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Am I at fault for my breakup? Will he come back after blocking?

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  • #1112850 Reply
    Casey
    Guest

    The guy I was seeing is my most recent ex (of 2 years) and he kept telling me he doesn’t want a relationship when we got back together because he doesn’t want kids and I might want them. So he told me if a date falls in his lap with another girl he’s gonna go on it. I would constantly ask him to commit to me because he’s really the only person I wanna be with and he would just tell me no because of the fact I MIGHT wants kids (still not sure, I used to not want them but then my only sibling passed away). So this past week, a date happened to fall in my lap and I didn’t go, but the next day my man tells me he’s going on a date with another girl he just met. So in my head I’m like okay then it should be fine if I do. The guy I might’ve been going on a date with is an ex from 4 years ago.

    Last night I fell asleep and this man goes through my phone, screenshots conversations with the guy I might be seeing, sends them to HIMSELF and also deletes every guy in my Snapchat and I found out about it.
    I confronted him about it and he won’t answer the phone, tells me the girl he’s gonna go on a date with texted him they’re going out Wednesday, (even though he promised he would tell me if she did text him back so he lied), sends me a picture of her, (I found out he changed her contact name so I wouldn’t see her message pop up) then asks me about the guy I MIGHT be going out with, keeps asking his name and when I tell him who it is, he says “fuck you how could you get the fuck out of my life” and blocks me

    So now I just feel like everything is my fault and I’m so heartbroken. I’ve told him over and over I only wanna be with him and I want a relationship but he didn’t and would always tell me if a date falls in his lap he’s gonna go. And now I’m blocked on everything and can’t even tell him my side of it. I feel like I just messed everything up 😢 I don’t know what to do.

    This guy has really put me through it, constantly talking about other women and tells me who he wants to sleep with. This is the second time he’s left me. He left me again back in March but didn’t block me, just stopped responding for a couple months. Will he even come back again this time? I apologized and tried to explain my side but he just blocks every number I text from. I just wanna go to his house to apologize to him and tell him how sorry I am that I hurt his feelings. I can only think about the good times we had and I really just don’t wanna start over with someone else. I’ve never felt like I could be myself with anyone besides him. If I knew me asking one my ex’s to go on a date would’ve ended with me being blocked I would’ve NEVER done it I just didn’t think it would matter who it was since he was going on a date. I miss him.

    #1112851 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    So I’m not sure I followed all of this, but I do know that it’s time for you to move on. This sounds so messed up and unhealthy. I don’t know how you have so many numbers from which to text someone, but you need to stop. Don’t you feel like you deserve better than a man who talks about other women he wants to sleep with, ghosts you, goes out with other women when he deigns to come back around, and won’t commit to you despite your constant asking?

    If he’s been telling you he doesn’t want a relationship and is going out with other women, believe him and cut him off. This also means that yeah, you should be able to date as well and he has no right to be upset about it. He also has no right to be going through your phone the way he did.

    I don’t think you actually miss this guy for who he is. He sounds awful.

    I don’t say this to be unkind, but you sound incredibly desperate and I think therapy can help you unpack what’s going on with you that you don’t feel like there’s better out there for you than this loser.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Avatar photoCopa.
    #1112876 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    MOA and do so with zero regret. This guy is telling you he intends to date other women and getting abusively jealous at the same time. Going through your phone without permission and actually deleting what he doesn’t like — that is so far beyond the remotely acceptable that you should have instantly been done with this. I know you will miss him and that this will sadden you for some time, but better times lie ahead with a far better guy. You need to really listen to and internalize what your, now ex, bf has told you: He no longer considers you as his gf; he is actively searching for someone whom he will regard as a better fit; he is too timid and cowardly to say this directly, because he is desperate to keep you isolated on the shelf as his security blanket/safe-fall-back option, when he is between other women to ‘evaluate’.
    Trust me, you do not want to be in that position. it will cause you FAR more pain. You need to accept that it’s over with this guy and move on. Not your fault in any way. It is entirely his decision and his actions suck.

    #1112883 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist?
    Guest

    Firstly I just want to say that messaging an ex for a date is never a good idea IMO.

    In relation to your current/most recent partner I feel like this and perhaps other pasts relationships have done a bit of a number on you and you should seek some therapy. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and staying with someone who says they don’t is harmful for your emotional well being.

    If someone says they don’t want you, they are either really messed up and abusive or they are being honest. In either case being with them is bad news.

    #1112886 Reply
    Reilly
    Guest

    That guy sounds like a complete jerk and very immature to boot. It’s okay for him to go on a date with someone else, but not for you?
    Dump this idiot.

    #1112912 Reply
    Mojo
    Guest

    For your mental and emotional health, please end all contact with him immediately. It might seem hard in the moment, but it’s for the best. Delete him, block him forever, don’t ever look back, and spend your time and energy on people who genuinely care about you and help build you up. Think about what YOU want and what is best for YOUR future. You deserve it.

    #1115679 Reply
    Daisy
    Guest

    This guy does NOT treat you well. He is intentionally toying with your feelings. He knows you want a committed relationship, but he’s dangling the threat of dating other women in front of you to keep you feeling desperate. He violated your privacy by going through your phone and stealing screencaps of your conversations! He’s acting insanely jealous about you doing exactly the same thing he is doing. He is intentionally hurting you.

    A good, healthy relationship is one where you feel safe and secure. I know it’s hard to believe you’ll find that with someone you are also really into, but I promise you, you can.

    Ending a relationship is really painful and it’s natural to want to just keep going back to the same person, even if you know deep down they aren’t good for you. The best (really, the ONLY) way to get through it is to go cold turkey. Don’t contact him and don’t respond to his attempts to contact you (if he makes any). I promise you, after a while of no contact, things will hurt less, and you’ll be able to see his treatment of you through clearer eyes.

    Someone else mentioned therapy, and I think that’s a great idea. Take the energy you are pouring into trying to get him back and trying to figure out how to make him happy and put that energy into making YOU happy instead. When the right guy comes along, he won’t play these mind games with you. Good luck!

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