January 10, 2018 at 10:22 am #735492
This past summer I met a young doctor in residence on a flight to Paris. He talked to me a lot the whole way, we went out for coffee and hit it off great. Over the past six months we have been talking via messenger. He is working in Paris and I am an American working in his country of origin (not France) while he does his residence in Paris. We have talked and he has confessed to me how he was deeply in love with a woman who left him and blocked him for something he did (would not tell me what he did). He was distraught all summer and fall and we texted and chatted a lot and became fast friends. Over the past month he has claimed he is over his ex. For the New Year he came to the country I am now working in to see his family and we spent a night together and one thing led to another on New Year’s eve and we ended up spending the night together. After that he only returned one message saying he was working (he does work 36 hours straight in residence) and when I said I missed talking to him he said that was not possible because he was “far away”. After that he stopped responding though we used to talk all the time and I did not tell him outright “hey I miss and want to be with you” because I do not know if I will be here or go back to the US soon based on my job and he knows that. I also know that he doesn’t want a relationship until he knows where his residency will lead him. Why would he ghost me? I don’t get it……
P.S. one strange thing is that when I told him not to obsess over his ex so much this summer because she had clearly d moved on he responded “Should go find and beat her”? I thought that was a weird thing to say so I asked if he was serious and he said “just upset”January 10, 2018 at 11:02 am #735497
Is this a re-run? Because I’m pretty sure we’ve been through this with you a few months ago.January 10, 2018 at 11:11 am #735498
Yes, and didn’t this guy have anger issues and abusive behavior and we all thought he was sketchy and probably not single.
These are such red flags.January 10, 2018 at 11:31 am #735500
This is another man.January 10, 2018 at 11:34 am #735501
Ohh. Sigh. You’ve got bad taste in men. Seriously, where are you finding them? Bad Boyfriends R Us?!January 10, 2018 at 11:54 am #735504
Don’t mistake casual chatting over Messenger, or texting, or Snapchat, for a relationship. You were fun to talk to and flirt with, he got laid, he’s moved on.
Stick to dating guys you can have a real, in-person relationship with.January 10, 2018 at 11:59 am #735505
Find someone local to date. Don’t get so invested in relationships with people you almost never see.January 10, 2018 at 12:20 pm #735506
He would ghost you because you two are people who met on a plane and had coffee. You’re basically strangers. Meeting someone on a plane has like a .05% chance of actually turning into something. Why? Because the chances you live near them are very slim. It sounds like you were hoping for a situation out of a romantic comedy, but those don’t really happen in real life as much as they do in the movies or on TV. If you’re going to meet someone in a very random situation who lives far away, then sure, go to coffee with them, but don’t expect it to turn into a relationship.
Texting with a stranger is fun for a while, but then it gets boring, especially if you have other things going on in your real life.January 10, 2018 at 12:30 pm #735510
So, yes, you’re being ghosted.
liked having you as a distraction / pen pal to lean on after his breakup and no longer needs that
Or is back with his ex
Or lost interest after hooking up with you (chase is over)
Or you’re coming across too needy
Or some combination of the above. He is ghosting you. Time to move on. No good guy makes a joke about beating women, and his refusal to tell you what he did to his ex is very concerning.
This was a pen pal / fling, it’s over, date local men.January 10, 2018 at 2:20 pm #735527
From your description, this man told you that continuing to talk was not possible because he lives far away. You also stated that he did not want a relationship while he dealt with his residency. After he told you that he did not want to continue interacting with you, he then followed through with his statement.
This man did not ghost you. It wasn’t sudden and without any explanation. @essie is right on when she said don’t mistake casual chatting for a relationship. It is normal to make a quick connection and chat/text for awhile and then those interactions fade away. I think elevating every incident in which you lose contact to ghosting shows that you place far too much value into casual situations.January 10, 2018 at 3:16 pm #735529
I wouldn’t want to chase or be with someone who talks about beating their ex, joking or not.January 10, 2018 at 10:43 pm #735542
At the very least, he’s not over his ex so he’s not in a place to have a relationship with anyone.