Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Am I being stubborn?

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  • This topic has 13 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 weeks ago by avatarBetty.
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    avatarCanadian Gal
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    Are you aware that the military has a mantra, “break them down, built them up”. Basically they make recruits feel like crap, feel like nothing, and then they “give” them structure, direction, training, and build them up. It gives members a sense of appreciation for their superiors and their chain of command. So, after two weeks, he is breaking you down, so he can build you up, and have you be so appreciative of his wisdom. I previously, and very briefly dated someone who found ways to take this little digs at me in attempt to make himself feel good. Like, “why are you so x”, or “that’s just so like you”, said in a critical way. After a few times of this, I said to him point blank, “I was criticized for being me throughout my marriage, which has ended. However, years of that took a toll on my esteem. And you know what, today, I actually like who I am, how I am like, flaws, quirks, the good the bad and all of it. I want to be with someone that appreciates all of me and doesn’t feel the need to take digs at me. If that’s not you, then so be it”. In the end, it wasn’t him. Another way to look at is, if for him exercise and a rock hard body is an important value and you don’t share that value, then there’s a mismatch, no need in faking it and pretending that rock hard abs is your dream goal and invest in countless hours now and for the rest of your lives together for that goal.

    #962807 Reply
    avatarBetty
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    I hope that these responses are giving you the strength to stand up for yourself and realize that you are not being stubborn, he just is that bad. I dated a guy like that, was similarly tiny, ended up working out and getting more defined, and then it was all about my legs … shaving doesn’t feel smooth by the evening, you should wax … Hair needs to build up for waxing, try Nair so you can always be smooth. I got a flipping chemical burn! By making you focus on yourself and your faults, you don’t have time to focus on him. Get out now, before you find out on Christmas that he’s been cheating on you.

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