Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Am I being too sensitive? Family pressure on being single

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    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Unmarried and closing in on 50. When people would hound me I’d just say “Well, I’m not willing to settle for anyone willing to settle for me.” (thank you Groucho) that usually confused them giving me time to walk away.

    Later on – when the notion of kids would come up I’d say “Ah, I’m more of a renter than an owner. I like the part when I return the kid to the owner, often with a full diaper.”

    #841241 Reply
    avatarEssie
    Participant

    I’m with @keyblade. I think your mother is aware that you’re feeling sad about being single, and she’s trying to fix something she perceives is hurting you. In other words, she’s being a mom.

    In your letter you describe yourself as feeling insecure, scared, like an outcast, and you think there’s not a high likelihood of having a family for the rest of your life (which is, frankly, absurd). The reality is that you’re NOT ok with being single. So there’s not much point in insisting to your mother that you are. She sees right through the brave noises you’re making to her, as just about any engaged parent would.

    I think the better approach is to say something like “Mom, I know you’re trying to help by pushing me to find someone, but in all honesty, talking about it constantly just makes me feel worse, like you think I’m less-than because I don’t have a man in my life. Can we please just drop the subject, and trust that things will work out in the end?” Periodic reminders may be necessary.

    The other part of this is fixing your own attitude. Seriously – life is long and full of surprises, and you’re not too old to find love or a family.

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