Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

am i going to hell?

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  • #1091386 Reply
    Potatofupa
    Guest

    Am I going to hell because I try to stand up for myself and my life and the decisions I’m going to make in regards to my healthcare at almost 40 years old against a verbally abusive narcissistic mother and family members? I have been in foster care since I was 8 years old , in and out of group homes since then. at 10 I went to a foster family who physically and verbally abused me and made me caretaker of their kids ages 2 and 3 for the entire year and a half , daily that I stayed there. I was finally removed and was placed into the home that I currently am at age 11 and I’m still here because I chose to stay to take care of the lady that took me in because she’s almost 90 now. Ever since I’ve been here I have been putting up with verbal abuse and they’re highly narcissistic do as I say not as I do attitude. from her and her whole family. In addition to the verbal abuse they subjected me to because I have my own opinion about everything, they have always been emotionally negligent. I have been here for almost 30 years and not one of them have taken the time out to learn anything about me or even have a conversation with me. Conversations are transactional and usually in reference to their mother. She has even called me dumb, lacking common sense, blamed me for her being in the hospital when I was 15, blames me for the house not being clean enough despite me cleaning daily all day long, told me that I was overreacting to a handyman making sexual remarks towards me and making me uncomfortable, (still hires him), tells me that I’m overreacting to someone threatening to rape me and kill me when they get out of prison (still says that even though its been 6 years later and I’m uncomfortable because they live down the street from me) the list goes on and on. including throwing out all my personal belongings and laughing at me for having panic attacks, also whenever I try to express my opinion or something they don’t agree with its always “I don’t know how your mother put up with you, I can see why you have no friends or husband because someone would kill you) but recently, I told them that I wasn’t going to get vaccinated now until I talk to my doctor to see if I can get the shot( i have severe heart problems) and even then I may not get the shot until I am comfortable. they even went out of their way to schedule an appointment for me to get it without my consent, they keep “insisting “that their way is the right way. She and her family are using emotional gaslighting against me. “If you really cared about me you would get it to save me.”(I’ve given up my entire life here and opportunities to stay here to take care of her) I told her that I never felt cared about by any of them and she said ” Well maybe if you didn’t stay up in your room, or isolate yourself maybe they would have.” They’re on the phone with each other now calling my healthcare providers and everything acting like I haven’t said no. Am I going to hell for standing up for myself this time, for once in my life, or should I just cave in? at this point, they’re probably going to kick me out, I have no place to go or no other money because all the time that I was here all of my money went towards bills here, I have not been able to save any. Should i just leave and go to a shelter or hotel because its obvious they’ve never really cared about me or loved me either. How do i not feel guilty and obligated to stay and oblige because i feel like I’m going to hell if i leave? how do i start to feel confident and self-esteem for myself when i have felt unloved and neglected all of my life? plus I’ve been raped and molested since i was a baby.. 30 times that i am aware of .. maybe more since i don’t remember as a baby

    #1091397 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Leave and things will get better. Reach out to whatever agency aids the abused in your community. You are being abused. No, you won’t go to hell, no you don’t owe them anything. Also, hell doesn’t exist. One cannot believe in both a loving God and hell.

    #1091398 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Go to a shelter if you have to. They are awful human beings. Advocate for yourself. Focus on your mental health and physical safety. Go to your local library and ask for help to find resources that will help you: 1. Find safe shelter 2. Find free mental health treatment 3. Find job skill development 4. Get a job that pays better 5. Other services that may be available to you.

    There are a lot of programs, some of which we are all aware and many of which are small and not well promoted that provide help. There are also volunteer opportunities that exchange your time for services or goods. There are a lot of people out there who actually want to help others. Your local librarian is a free resource. You may need to take a piece of mail that has your name on it to get a card, but it’s free. It doesn’t matter if you’re not living there at the moment.

    #1091399 Reply
    Peggy
    Guest

    Hell is some scary thing you worry might happen, likely because they use that threat to control you.( I personally don’t believe in it) You are actually living a hellish life right now, not much could be worse than what has already, and is, happening. You have lots of years to live a safe, happy life of your own choosing and making.
    You are not powerless, explore the resources mentioned by others here. If you can Google and find this advice column, you can easily access other avenues of concrete help. Don’t wait, good luck!

    #1091401 Reply
    LisforLesli
    Guest

    Sorry – I did not answer your actual question. No, I don’t think for one minute that hell is for people that choose not to be abused. “Honoring” your parents does not mean submitting yourself to their abuse.

    #1091403 Reply
    Bittergaymark
    Guest

    You’re already in hell. Leave these people already. Although — to be frank — your vaccine paranoia is largely unfounded and makes me question your intelligence.

    #1091407 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    BGM —
    Actually, the CDC is now logging and investigating heart and pericardium inflammation caused by Pfizer and Moderna vaccines. My wife likely had a pericardium inflammation as a result of vaccination. She previously had aortic heart valve problem

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