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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Am I in the wrong?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Am I in the wrong?

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  • #1109348 Reply
    Phoebe
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    I’m with you — because I don’t think you and your mother have had enough discussion about how to handle things like this. The arrangement you’re describing is fraught with legal difficulties and family minefields. At the very least, even if it were only your mom, you should be

    1) making sure all property paperwork, both land and housing, is drawn up and reviewed by your lawyer BEFORE the process starts and

    2) have the conversation with your mom as if you’re moving in with a roommate. I believe Wendy still has a list of discussion topics to deal with before you move in together, which is pretty much what you’re talking about. Who pays for repairs? Tax assessments? Your mother’s mortgage (or yours!) if one of you can’t? What if you decide you want to get married/divorced and she doesn’t approve? Who’s responsible for shoveling/raking/mowing whatever? Conceivably your mother will get to a point where she can’t handle it, what happens then? Can she sell the house to some random person? That’s just off the top of my head.

    #1109349 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    Phoebe —
    I think you are getting to the crux of the issue. This isn’t just, or even primarily, a family issue. It is a business issue. A business issue built around LW’s dream of how he wants to spend the remainder of his working life. It is vital to his financial and personal future and happiness. It is a very big deal that his mother has changed the terms of their deal at nearly the last minute, and without prior consultation with him.

    As others have said, yes it isn’t at all unreasonable for her to have her other son live with her until he is an adult. But… she’s asking more than that: she told LW after the deal was agreed and within weeks of them both moving that her other son would build a third home on the shared property. I interpret the LW’s complaint about half-brother not contributing to down payment not as him expecting that a minor would be expected to contribute, but that the mother has declared an ownership stake in the shared property for second son.

    If LW doesn’t get along at all with half-brother, and the half brother has barely been in his life, looking ahead to a lifetime of living cheek-to-jowl with him must be discouraging. He expected his half brother to spend the summer with them and accepted that. The plan for a third house was a shocker.

    There is a huge difference between being civil and trying to get along with relatives whom you find unpleasant (in the case of LW, apparently in the extreme) and signing up to live next door to them on your dreamed-of forever property.

    Yes, this means LW will have to delay his dream, until he has enough $ or loan capacity to do it without his mother. I think he understands that.

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