Am I overreacting?

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  • MrT
    April 20, 2023 at 11:07 am #1119753


    I’ve been seperated/divorced from my ex wife for 2 years now, everything is amicable and we have 2 kids together.

    She has a boyfriend of around 12 months and the kids get on with him which is nice. Ive never met him although i will soon.

    Last week during a video call between my ex and my kids, her boyfriend spends half the call acting silly and evidently making the kids laugh. The issue is i was driving at the time so he wouldve been aware i was in the car. I didnt say anything as the kids were about however it hurt to be honest. Not so much the fact that he made them laugh, but because he knew i was there.

    If that had been the other way round and my girlfriend had done that, my ex wouldve hit the roof. I don’t do drama and just let it go, but i cant help but feel its a little disrespectful towards me. If it happens again I may have to speak to my ex to explain how it made me feel, however i need to know if im overreacting or was he overstepping the boundaries when I’m in the presence of my kids?

    It happened again today and i nearly ended the call as it was on bluetooth through the car system, however i refrained. My ex isnt the easiest to deal with when i have to raise an issue thats an issue on her side.

    Thanks in advance.

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    April 20, 2023 at 11:55 am #1119754

    Yes, you’re overreacting.

    I can imagine that co-parenting is challenging even in the best of times, especially when you throw new partners in the mix. I know I personally would have a lot of feelings about another woman being involved in my kids’ lives if my husband and I separated. But I hope I would be able to deal with those feelings on my own, for my kids’ sakes.

    Maybe the boyfriend was posturing a little bit, but who cares? That says more about him than it does about you. Maybe he’s nervous about the prospect of meeting you. Don’t show that it bothered you. Don’t “accidentally” hang up, don’t talk to your ex – because she’ll tell him everything, don’t start drama.

    Your kids should be the most important thing to you, not whether some guy who’s probably intimidated by you is disrespecting you. If you make a big deal about this and harm your co-parenting relationship, that harms your kids. Let it go and focus on what’s important.

    Be cool when you meet this guy. You’ll get respect by giving respect.

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    April 20, 2023 at 1:27 pm #1119757

    Sounds like your kids are happy and like the guy their mom is dating ok. Where’s the trouble?

    April 20, 2023 at 2:23 pm #1119758

    This just seems like ego stuff that you should work on getting over. What’s more important, your kids laughing and being happy, or your level of comfort with this guy, what, making your kids laugh? I don’t get it.

    April 20, 2023 at 3:25 pm #1119759

    I don’t get it either. He isn’t allowed to make your kids laugh in your presence? Why is it disrespectful or an overstep?

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    April 20, 2023 at 5:28 pm #1119760

    I had the same reaction as @Kate, that this is an ego thing. Like, maybe now that you know your ex’s boyfriend is good with your kids — and that they like him — you now feel like you’re in competition with him. So no, I don’t think he was overstepping. I don’t have kids, so I can’t really relate to what this must feel like, but if you have complicated feelings over a new parent figure in your kids’ lives, I don’t blame you. I don’t think you should raise this as an issue with your ex, though, because this is a personal issue, not a co-parenting issue. If you need to sort out your feelings around this, that’s what therapy is for.

    April 20, 2023 at 5:54 pm #1119762

    Your feelings are valid, but not worth acting on. Don’t assume he’s doing anything malicious, he’s probably just a funny guy. You just need to sit with your feelings a bit and work through it.

    Besides, how would that conversation even go?

    “Your boyfriend was making the kids laugh!”


    “While I was driving!”


    It’s normal to feel a little twinge of jealousy, but this is a you issue and not a conflict.

    April 20, 2023 at 6:11 pm #1119765

    I agree. This is a you and your own ego/jealousy problem.

    Why look for problems?

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Am I overreacting?

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