am i right or wrong

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  • katy
    May 24, 2023 at 4:42 pm #1120548

    A few months ago i had birthday. Im not really a social person and im shy so i only threw a small party for 5 of my closest friends. i knew then that doing that means that probably other people wont invite me to their parties but i didnt care at that time.
    but a few days ago i heard that one girl that i know (and didnt invite) is also having a birthday party and she invited all my friends except me (she’s making a party for like 40 people). at first i felt really bad about it, i felt excluded and that nobody likes me. but later i thought that maybe its because i didnt invite her.
    now its kind of an awkward situation, because i dont know how to act, be cool about it and act like its normal or avoid her because maybe she doesn’t like me that much. i do feel bad still and i wish i had made a bigger party.
    but my question is, am i making myself a victim here? it made me really sad for a few days , but maybe i just made a mistake and she is right not inviting me, also is it possible that its my fault because i didn’t invite her??
    i know that this may sound ridiculous because its just a party and nothing big, but now i just feel so worse than my friends, i feel like a stranger that nobody likes, because not inviting to a party sometimes can mean that that person is not really liked….

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    May 25, 2023 at 8:07 am #1120555

    You didn’t invite her to your party, so does that mean you don’t like her? No, it means you don’t consider her among you five closest friends, and you’re the type of person who prefers smaller parties. Her party isn’t going to be small. It will be bigger than perhaps you might feel comfortable with. What you’re experiencing is feeling left out and unliked and as an introvert or someone who’s not very social, this is probably a feeling you will contend with again, and so it’s time to practice acceptance. And if you can’t accept it – if you can’t accept that the price of keeping your inner circle small and not extending yourself very much beyond your inner circle means being left out of some social events – you’ll have to decide whether it’s worth it to you to be more social than you’re comfortable being. To me, it almost sounds like a win-win to not be invited to a big party when you aren’t very social. You don’t have to worry about offending someone by not accepting an invitation and you don’t have to stress about going to a party you don’t want to go to.

    The people you like the best showed up for you when you invited them and wanted them to. keep strengthening those bonds and if you feel like it’s not enough friendship in your life, you can work on making more friends. But you can also work on accepting that you aren’t a very social person and that’s going to mean being left out of social events sometimes.

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    May 25, 2023 at 9:35 am #1120558

    Are you friends with the birthday girl? You refer to her as “a girl I know,” not a friend. I don’t think you’re in the wrong for feeling left out when your friends are invited to something but you are not. But it’s also okay if she chose not to invite you… especially if you’re only acquaintances! Just like your guest list wasn’t a reflection on the likability of the friends/acquaintances who didn’t make the cut, her guest list doesn’t mean anything about whether or not you are likable. You can continue to act around her how you did before.

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    Anonymousse
    May 25, 2023 at 2:06 pm #1120566

    You say she’s a girl you know, not a friend. So is she a friend? Do you talk to her?

    With the limited info, it seems a little like you are going a little overboard with your reaction to not being invited.

    Yes, as Wendy said, unless you’re social and people know more about you than that you don’t like groups, they probably will assume you don’t want to go to a party.

    Have you ever spoken to this girl?

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