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Dear Wendy

Am I Too Clingy

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Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 59 total)
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  • #1032048 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    “I was extremely nervous about texting him too much or being too clingy because he is not a great texter.”
    That sounds like you know that you tend to be clingy.

    But in trying to be less clingy, asking him if the amount and kind of texting is okay made your clinginess stand out every time you asked. Asking if you are needy sounds needy. I don’t make the rules.

    If you are “extremely young,” then the guys you seeing are also young and thus, immature. They meet obligations often with a silent refusal to participate.

    How much you texted him without him responding was too much, too soon. It’s great everyone your age thinks the exact of amount of texting you want is insanely fair, but we’re not talking about them, we’re talking about you being clingy with this guy who didn’t really like you that much.

    #1032051 Reply
    avatarsoph
    Guest

    No, you 100% misunderstood that. You’re incorrect in that analysis. I said to him I wanted to talk to him once a day. But a good morning text would make worlds of a difference. I am telling that I NEVER said he needed to have a conversation with me right away. ever. I said after a good morning that he can text me whenever. I literally didn’t care when he spoke to me. I liked to know he was…alive ?? And I don’t really care if he just met me, he tricked me into it by pouring his heart out to me at first and saying he wanted me to do the same. Saying he’d do anything. And asked me to DATE him exclusively, like be his girlfriend. So when i said i was extremely nervous, i meant i was nervous just about texting him back too quickly for what he’s used to or sending him a text about something that was making me think of him. I NEVER expected an immediate response to that type of stuff. i just didn’t know if it would bother him, to which he said he likes hearing from me. you got it all wrong. again, this is why i shouldn’t have come on here. because if you even understood the situation, i don’t think you’d see it as clingy. so please, just leave it be. thank you.

    #1032052 Reply
    avatarsoph
    Guest

    and no lady, no one has ever called me clingy before. EVER. not ONE of my exes. so you’re wrong in that too. and i repeat i only asked if he cared i texted him that much because HE said he was bad at texting. i asked what…maybe twice? you act like i brought it up every conversation. you have no clue what you’re talking about. you’re running on assumptions.

    #1032053 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    “And that as long as we have one good, small conversation during the day that I wouldn’t care if he didn’t text me all day long after that.” Those are the words you wrote.

    Look, you know you’re clingy. You wrote it in the title.

    I’m saying regardless of what he said, and his faults and what he did wrong, you are/were clingy. Yeah, I don’t think he should have lied to you over and over and pretended to love you. That’s a whole other can of red flags that have already been covered. But I don’t really care what he did because he’s not writing in for advice. Be less clingy is good advice for you. Try it sometime.

    #1032054 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    “I expressed early on that I was extremely nervous about texting him too much or being too clingy because he is not a great texter. Every time, he would tell me I never needed to worry about that and he would always accept me for all of me.”

    “I would ask him if it was too much to send paragraphs, he always said no.”

    You used the word EVERYTIME there. And a plural “he always said no,” which makes it sound like more than once. That’s what you wrote, so if I’m misunderstanding, it’s not really my fault.

    Try to not take things so personally and be so defensive.

    #1032055 Reply
    avatarSoph
    Guest

    AGAIN. Exaggerations and misunderstanding. You’re taking words insanely literally. How old are you?

    YES I would like to speak to my boyfriend daily. And THAT is not a problem!I NEVER gave him a timeline on that. I didn’t care when I just wanted a damn hello.

    No, I said “am I too clingy” in regards to THIS SITUATION. Not as a human being. I actually know for FACT as a human being I am not, so I was unsure in THIS scenario. I ASKED if I was clingy, I had no idea wanting to speak to a man who told me he loved me was seen that way.Am I naive? Sure. Clingy as an overall HUMAN? No. I never was questioning that.

    EVERYTIME was twice. We dated for a MONTH. How much do you really think it came up? It was twice to be exact with you. Sorry I’ll really try to be more particular for you next time.

    Maybe try to read someone’s answers if they said they would not like any further advice from you. Thank you. I asked politely.

    #1032056 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Yeah, I took what you wrote the way you wrote it. As did many others. Because that is literally all we have to go on.

    It’s not the requesting good morning texts that makes your behavior clingy, it’s all of it added up when you know he doesn’t like to text. I never said you were clingy as a human?

    You literally asked if it was too much, and I’m saying yes, it was for him.

    Have a great night!

    #1032057 Reply
    avatarSoph
    Guest

    Again, didn’t know he didn’t like hearing about my deep thoughts just because he got quite upset when I said I wouldn’t do that anymore in order to take steps backwards and give him space. Also, my deep thoughts were often not regarding things he “did” that upset me. They were sometimes simply just thoughts. Regarding anything.

    #1032058 Reply
    avatarSoph
    Guest

    And I am sorry, but it sounded like saying “you know youre clingy” was in personal regards.

    #1032059 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    It seems you are not going to absorb the feedback that people are giving here, and that’s fine. I understand that it’s hard to take in this stuff when you are already hurting. I get it.

    You did put “am I too clingy” in the subject line of your post, and no one was making a referendum on you as a human being. You asked about this situation, and people answered based on this situation.

    People on here are trying to help you, as hard as that may be to believe. BECAUSE we don’t know you, we are giving honest feedback based on your description. That’s the value of a forum like this; you can rely on the answers, because no one has any reason to blow smoke up your ass.

    When you say, “nothing here was my fault,” that’s a missed opportunity. If you instead look for your part in it, then you can adjust that behavior for next time. You don’t want to go through this again, right? When a lesson is missed, Life tends to use a bigger hammer the next time.

    So, yeah, people are telling you that a few weeks is too soon to send paragraphs of text and put a list of “asks” out there. You just hadn’t known each other long enough for all that, and the label of “exclusive girlfriend” doesn’t make the organic process go faster. Just because he was fast off the starting block doesn’t mean you have to be.

    I guess you’ll argue with every point of that, which — okay. People ARE trying to help you though, in direct response to your question.

    #1032060 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You wrote that you’d write him about things he did that bothered or upset you. I didn’t make that up, but I won’t quote you since that’s me being too literal.

    I didn’t make anything up. I responded to what you wrote, what you asked about.

    #1032061 Reply
    avatarsoph
    Guest

    No, I dont think I didn’t do anything wrong. I think I personally should’ve moved slower, and just because he made it seem like I could give him trust with everything doesn’t mean I should have. I just think some of the things people listed were not entirely my fault. And I appreciate your mindful response considering I am hurting. It was a lot more respectful than a lot of the others.

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