Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Any advice is appreciated :( I don’t know what to think, thanks

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Any advice is appreciated :( I don’t know what to think, thanks

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 28 total)
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  • #877478 Reply

    Maybe she asked for that boundary because she could see how abusive your relationship was? I don’t know. It’s worth thinking about. Maybe she was trying to subtly warn you off.

    #877485 Reply
    avatarNina
    Guest

    Hi.
    Your friend may seem like she is there for you but she is not. She may just feel validated every time she supports you so that she knows she’s still your friend. She is being selfish and is not letting you be happy. Furthermore, if you guys really were the best of friends you would have that trust that would enable you to hang out with other people. you literally live with her, so it would make sense that you want to go out with your boyfriend rather than her. If she really cared about you she would set aside her pettiness in your time of need and comfort you. It’s time to let go.

    #877498 Reply
    avatarpapaya456
    Guest

    Dear anonymousse, I get your point but I can assure it wasn’t the case. I wasn’t even aware that the relationship was toxic at the beginning, and she wasn’t either.
    I had those pink-colored glasses that made me overlooked some serious red flags and I only shared the good stuff with her. So she was definitely not
    And I am sure a little part of her was a bit satisfied to see my relationship fail, as if it was what I deserved for hurting her. Yes, she can be that vindictive

    Dear Nina, thank you for your reply. That’s exactly what I thought : that living with her and spending a part of the day with her was enough but she didn’t see it that way.
    I don’t want to give too many details about myself but I am pursuing really demanding studies and I don’thave much free time :/
    That’s why I have to think about if effectively.

    And from my perspective, I was seeing her during the week, I spent the week-end at my parent’s to see a bit my family and I saw my ex once a week. The rest of the time I was intensively studying

    #877500 Reply

    You don’t have to assure me of what happened. I was just making a suggestion.

    At the end of the day, the people you spend time and invest in should be positive influences who enrich your life. That you enjoy. If you consider her negative, jealous, vindictive I wonder why you also call her your best friend. Just because you’ve been friends with her her since you were 10 years old doesn’t make her a keeper. You have yet to list a single positive quality, although I assume she has them.

    #877548 Reply

    Yes, you’re right. She does have great qualities although I am a bit annoyed at the moment.
    I don’t want to behave selfishly and I know we can be biased, that’s why I wanted to get others perspectives

    I admit I did consider ending the friendship but I think she would be absolutely devastated.
    Yes, she’s assertive, has a big personality, can be absolutely hateful, unmerciful and vindictive to people she doesn’t like…

    But on the other hand, she has a big heart when it comes to people who matter to her. She knows she’s imperfect (who isn’t ?)

    As for me, I try to be kind, benevolent and forgiving to everyone.
    Firstly because I believe we, as human beings all make mistakes and that they don’t make you a terrible person. Plus, I am not in a position to judge them as I don’t know their history etc …
    And secondly because I really value empathy and kindness

    These are the main differences between me and her.
    So to hear her say “I know you didn’t do it in purpose, but in don’t care” really hurt me.

    #878475 Reply
    avatarpapaya456
    Guest

    Hi 🙂

    Thank you again for all of your replies

    I have been thinking about it a lot and I have come to the conclusion that I want to end the friendship with my best friend :/
    I don’t know how to proceed as she’s really assertive and she isn’t going to take it well. It’s really going to hurt her and I just hope she won’t take revenge 🤞🏻
    She is going to be devastated and I really don’t know how to approach it …
    Any advices ?
    What would you do if you were in my shoes ? Should I be upfront about it ? Or slowly go away (which can be dishonest 🙁 )

    Am I overreacting ? Thank you

    #878494 Reply

    I would honestly just slowly spend less time with her. Do not confront her, because that will be dramatic and probably lead to bad feelings. Just slowly fade and maybe you’ll be able to actually be her “friend” at a great distance.

    #878586 Reply
    avatarpapaya456
    Guest

    Okay, I see thank you

    But don’t you think it is a bit dishonest ?

    #878590 Reply

    No, how is it dishonest?

    #878591 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    No one needs to hear your every thought and feeling. Seriously, I know that we all talk about being honest and open and it’s not good to bottle up your feelings. And all of that is valid.

    But…

    You don’t have to share every thought. Best if you gather your thoughts and determine what you actually want. What is the outcome that you want? You want her to be kind to you? You want her to support everything you do? It doesn’t sound like that is possible for her. So if she can’t give you what you need from her, and not getting it is making you sad, then spending less time with her will reduce the amount of sad time you allot.

    If you do think she could listen and be a better friend to you – OK, try it.

    #878620 Reply
    avatarpapaya45
    Guest

    Anonymousse, because I think she would like me to be open about my feelings and to discuss our relationship rather than slowly letting it fade. Especially because we have been friends for a long time
    That’s how she works anyways, always being upfront and honest about everything

    LisforLeslie, thank you very much
    You’re right, I don’t think she could listen to me
    The thing is I am really starting to resent her to the point that I can’t be genuinely happy for her anymore, and I feel awful about that 🙁
    I wish I could suppress those negatives emotions because they make me feel like I am a bad person

    #878621 Reply
    avatarpapaya45
    Guest

    And I blame myself for those and wonder if my reaction is grossly disproportionate

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