This topic contains 30 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by Bittergaymark 1 month, 4 weeks ago.
- April 15, 2019 at 5:13 am #841097
I’m about to turn 30 in a month and am single af. Last relationship ended 7 months ago.
My love life has been pretty rocky. My college love/soulmate unexpectedly passed away when I was 23 after 4 years together and I’ve never really found anyone who quite compares in terms of kindness, intelligence and overall awesomeness. A few months after he died, I fell in love again. What started out as a fairytale turned into a 5 year long roller coaster of physical and emotional abuse that finally ended in July 2017 after we moved in and got engaged. I started another relationship with a very decent man in late 2017 that ended very amicably this past fall.
I know i definitely need some single time so I am just concentrating on living my best life and having fun. I’ve started dating again and am getting discouraged that I’m 30 and haven’t yet found the right guy. I recognize I have time and don’t need a man to be happy but I would eventually like to find someone. I irrationally wonder if it’s too late. Anyone been in a similar boat? How did it work out for you?April 15, 2019 at 10:09 am #841109
Lots of people find love at or after 30, and it’s silly to think otherwise. Many of my friends and acquaintances didn’t meet their long-term partners until their late 20s/early 30s, and for plenty happened later. I had two LTRs in my 20s, then was single for over four years before meeting my current boyfriend last summer. I’m in my early 30s, he’s in his late 30s. A former supervisor started dating his now-wife when she was 36 and he was 37, they got married around 39-40, and had kids in their early 40s. My friend’s grandpa, a widower, met a long-term girlfriend in a nursing home in his 90s! You don’t expire at 30.
You DO sound like someone who needs single time, and who would benefit from a therapist. I mean, you jumped right into a (bad, abusive) relationship while still grieving the loss of your college boyfriend’s death, and then almost immediately into another relationship after that. Have you processed your grief and abusive relationship? Slow your roll. Take some time for yourself. Date again when you’re feeling good and in a place to make good decisions. Good luck!April 15, 2019 at 10:20 am #841110
Lots of people meet a partner after turning 30. The of my cousins have met their partners after the age of 30. My uncle met his wife when they were both in their early 50s.
Age isn’t your problem. You jumping into relationships so quickly is the problem. You need to learn to slow down and to be picky. Watch for red flags. Be wary of fairytale romance. Walk when things are bad.April 15, 2019 at 10:27 am #841111
Me and nearly all of my friends met their partner after 30. Most were in the 32 – 36 range, married between 35 – 40. Some of them are having children. The ones who aren’t, it’s mostly by choice.
I agree with Skyblossom. When you think you’re behind or missing a milestone and then rush the relationship process, you’ll end up in a “meh” relationship.
ETA: “Slow your roll.” Lol @Copa.
April 15, 2019 at 10:39 am #841114
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by ktfran.
Same situation! Just turned 30 and single. Everything else in my life is going great, I have a good career, great family and friends, so i’m trying to not stress about it and enjoy that I can do what I want, when I want and not have to worry about someone else right now (is that terrible?!). I have gone out on a few Bumble dates this year, met some nice guys but nothing that has gone beyond 2 dates. But I agree, take some time for yourself and EMBRACE it. There’s some really great things about being single 🙂
April 15, 2019 at 10:41 am #841115
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by courtney89.
Also, jfc, can we all just stop it already?! Stop buying into the patriarchal bullshit that has been pushed on ALL of us that somehow women turn into bitter, dried-up old hags when we turn 30! I don’t know what the actual stats are, but a SOLID 2/3 of your life will likely be lived AFTER you turn 30. FFS that is decades and decades. Think of all the life you’ve lived up to now. Then double it. Double it again. That’s how much time you have. Do you think men have some kind of existential dwindling-fertility panic when they are 29.5? THEY FUCKING DO NOT.April 15, 2019 at 10:54 am #841119
Yes, I did, at 37. I can’t even entertain the ridiculousness of thinking it’s all over at 30. Come on.April 15, 2019 at 10:58 am #841120
Just saw Vathena’s comment, and yeah, you set women back when you put this stuff out there. I know it’s not your intention, and I’m really sorry for your loss, but just don’t buy into this crap.April 15, 2019 at 11:05 am #841123
What @vathena and @kate said. A couple years ago, I was riding home on the eL. I couldn’t help but to eavesdrop on this one conversation. The woman was basically upset that she was turning 25 soon and how she had nothing to look forward to after. She then asked the man how old he was and he’s like, uh, 30. Her face. Classic.
Personally, my life continually gets better with each passing year and none of it was dependent on finding a partner.April 15, 2019 at 11:08 am #841125
‘Personally, my life continually gets better with each passing year and none of it was dependent on finding a partner.’
I LOVE that and everyone is telling me ‘hey, your 30s are going to be the best years of your life’. My 20s were solid, but i’m ready for what my 30s have in store – with or without a partner 🙂April 15, 2019 at 11:10 am #841126
There is no such thing as a true love partner. But yeah, plenty of people meet their spouses agree 30.
Thw average age of first marriage for women is 27.5 and that’s inclusive of lots of people who get married young. Which is to say that a whole bunch of people get married after 30.April 15, 2019 at 11:12 am #841128
@fyodor, why do you say there’s no such thing as a true love partner?