- This topic has 30 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 7 months ago by Bittergaymark.
April 15, 2019 at 2:23 pm #841147keybladeMember
One of my friends just got married last year, I believe at thirty eight.
She spent half of her twenties with a man-child she met in college. When they broke up, an acquaintance of said child swooped in on my friend and they fell deeply in love. He was also a doctor with commitment issues. She loved him so much that I think she stopped herself from fully moving on from him despite him breaking up with her. Her dad died, she graduated from law school, and she moved to a new city where he lived and I think it was difficult for her to watch classmates she knew getting married and having children because she wanted kids so much. She was intelligent, kind, fit, ambitious and I think she resented the fact that other people with much less of their crap together were getting married and thriving when she had worked so hard on herself, not taken any paths of least resistance, and felt judged. She finally got to the point where she had to fully give up waiting for the person she loved because she knew she wanted to have babies and she just couldn’t wait for him anymore.
She met someone they dated a year (he had two kids from a prior marriage) and then she moved in and within a few months of that they were engaged. They started trying for kids right away and she was pregnant at their gorgeous wedding, last year. She has since had a beautiful boy, they’ve moved to a bigger house, her career finally seemed to click and all of her years of hard work made sense to her.
I know lots of men who waited until their thirties to settle down. I think for many of them, they needed to have a solid career path established before they felt ready to look for someone to marry.
One of my aunts is getting remarried after a divorce from a disappointing husband of many years. I believe she truly loved him with her whole heart and endeavored dutifully to make him happy despite his inability to support her back. But he wasn’t happy, he wasn’t faithful, and he couldn’t match her offers. And then perhaps she had to wait until her kids were grown before she was strong enough to extract herself from the marriage they had both lost faith in years, before. She is currently in her sixties. The time required to become independent made her approach dating with caution. I hope this next love is a good fit for her.
I think people can find someone able to truly love them in many life stages.April 15, 2019 at 3:39 pm #841154KGuest
My fiance and I started dating 3 months before I turned 30, but up until that point I was fully expecting to enter my 30’s single. I have a good friend who met her husband at 35, got married at 36, had a kid at 38 and is due with her second kid next week at 40. There are tons and tons of 30+ stories out there, as everyone else has said, so don’t worry!April 15, 2019 at 6:46 pm #841167AngeGuest
I met my husband at 31 but it’s not really the relevant part is it? The important part is that being single at 30 is ok. Being single at 40, 50, 60 and 70+ is ok. What’s not ok is thinking you have some arbitrary timeline by which you have to be coupled up or you turn back into a pumpkin. Thinking that way leads to settling and misery. Sure you might get the kids if you want them but at what cost?April 15, 2019 at 6:51 pm #841169MPGuest
I know sooo many women that met their now husbands at 30 and way after. Not to mention with regards to famous people, Meghan Markle (who I believe got married/divorced in her 20s) found her literal prince charming post 30.April 15, 2019 at 9:19 pm #841173anonymousseParticipant
It does sound like you’ve never fully addressed the death of your boyfriend. Have you or are you seeing a therapist? Have you worked through the abusive relationship? Quite honestly, seven months isn’t a long time to be single to me at all. You aren’t a lesser person because you’re not in a relationship.
I think this is a good time for you to really think about what you want, who you want, and work towards those goals slowly. Be good to yourself. Focus on what makes YOU happy, not what you think people expect from you. A relationship can’t be a life preserver. If there are underlying issues in your life that you haven’t addressed, you should take time to do that now. No time like the present, right? Finding love, and a relationship that is good for you isn’t easy, and it takes time.April 16, 2019 at 9:11 am #841232SkyblossomParticipant
30 is a great time to be dating. You are more mature and more settled and often have a better idea of what you need in a partner. Many couples who got married younger end up getting divorced around the time they turn 30. If you’ve reached 30 without a bad marriage you’ve been doing something right.
Ask yourself what you now know about dating that you didn’t know at 20 or 25. What do you know about what you need in a partner? What are signs you know will make you walk away from a bad relationship? You can go into dating with a pickier attitude. Not just any guy will do. You want a good guy. One with chemistry but who is also kind and thoughtful and loving. You want one you can be serious with and have fun with. You are at the point where you are more likely to pick a good partner.April 19, 2019 at 12:58 pm #841507BittergaymarkGuest
Over 30, eh? If you are straight, I’d say your odds are still pretty damn good. Now if you’re over 30 and gay? Hah. You damn well better be fucking rich. Otherwise, forget it. Broke aging fags would be far better off dead north of 35. Trust me on this. I know.