Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

DW Community Catch-up Thread (Formerly ‘Anyone going on awesome dates?’)

Home Forums Advice & Chat DW Community Catch-up Thread (Formerly ‘Anyone going on awesome dates?’)


Viewing 12 posts - 3,841 through 3,852 (of 11,343 total)
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  • #663390 Reply

    You’re totally right Lianne. My experiences mean absolutely nothing at all. Clearly I’m just a failure who knows nothing.

    #663395 Reply

    RE: texting between dates — I internet dated in 2012 (met my husband on OKC) and found myself overwhelmed by guys who texted too much in between dates. In those early stages, I much preferred email that would say something like, “Had a great time! Would love to see you again (blahblahblah)” to text so that I wasn’t constantly accessible to someone I didn’t know at all. I’m the type of person who is only comfortable texting with someone I am close to, not a stranger.

    Too much communication too soon made me think a guy was coming on too strong. I actually cancelled a second date because one guy wouldn’t stop texting. I found it unappealing, like he had no other life.

    #663396 Reply
    Avatar photoLianne

    @Dre, that’s not what I said. You made a blanket statement, that I didn’t think was fair.

    #663399 Reply
    Avatar photoStonegypsy

    He might just not be a heavy texter. Not everyone is. I wouldn’t read anything into it either way this early on.

    #663400 Reply

    Thanks for the input everyone, I guess it’s one of those things there is no right or wrong answer (any more input would be greatly appreciated though!)

    I will just accept that he isn’t keen on texting for whatever reason, see how the second date goes and see whether during Christmas he bothers to initiate any conversation. Then I’ll probably have my answer. Basically I should just go with the flow more and stop stressing about one good date.

    Yes, this is the case I usually encounter (too much texting from the guy’s side) which is why I am confused what to think now that the situation is the polar opposite … Once I stopped seeing a guy who was annoying me with constant messaging.. Even when I was super busy and stressed out with work and personal stuff, he didn’t get the hint and kept texting and even being pushy if I didn’t reply within the day.

    I totally understand that, I am not great at seeing/dating more than one guy at the same time. What I meant was to keep your options open and don’t close off any doors with other guys, for all you know your dude might be doing the same thing.
    Good luck with conversation this weekend!

    #663402 Reply

    @Lianne I explicitly stated that this was my experience, and you turned around and said my experience didn’t mean anything since I’m not in a serious relationship.

    #663403 Reply

    Not every relationship with a very interested guy leads to something serious. A guy or a woman could be very interested in someone, but then other factors come in. Like bad timing. And that seems to be the case for Miss Dre. There is no need to disregard her opinion, just because nothinbg has turned serious yet, she clarified it by saying that it was her experience.

    #663405 Reply
    Avatar photoStonegypsy

    I matched with a guy on Tinder awhile back, we had some really good conversation at first, but within a week (we hadn’t met in person yet), he was bombarding me with text messages. It’s not even that I didn’t find him interesting, but I couldn’t keep up, and it was ALL THE TIME. All day, every day. Which felt really needy, and also made me wonder why he didn’t have better things to do. I lost interest pretty quickly.

    #663410 Reply
    Avatar photokare

    I prefer not to text someone I haven’t met in person just in case the guy turns out to be a werido. In the early stages, I think it’s better to not constantly text or talk on the phone. I guess it’s different for everyone, but I think a constant stream of contact fosters a false sense of intimacy. If you only see each other twice a month but text nonstop, you might think your relationship is more serious than it really is. Plus I just prefer the distance. I don’t have time to constantly text someone throughout the day, and I’d much rather save the conversations for a date when I’m getting to know someone.

    #663411 Reply
    Avatar photokmtthat

    Eh, FWIW I thought it was a little aggressive of a response to MissDre, Lianne. I think we all bring different perspectives and I’d hate to feel like mine was invalidated because I haven’t been a dating “success” lately.

    On texting, obviously everyone is different. I know plenty of women who prefer guys who text them a bunch every day right off the bat, whereas I would blanche at a “good morning beautiful” text (just, ugh). But at least every few days to maintain a little connection? If he doesn’t reach out to you to confirm plans again for the weekend by like tomorrow with something like “hey so 2 PM at Restaurant still work for you?” I’d just reach out.

    #663413 Reply
    Avatar photoLianne

    Fair enough guys. Perhaps I misread her tone. I just thought it was too much of a blanket statement.

    #663416 Reply
    Avatar photoDear Wendy

    I wouldn’t read too much into minimal texting early on, especially if the guy is actually setting up dates, making an effort to come meet you, etc. Everyone is different, but I, personally, would probably be a little weirded out if someone I’d only gone out with once or twice was texting me constantly (as opposed to simply using texts to plan and organize our next date). After, say, 3 dates though, I’d probably expect more regular texting, and might wonder about someone’s interest level if I weren’t getting it (I would not consider lack of texting a deal-breaker. I’d have to consider it on context — the person’s schedule, whether he’s expressed a displeasure with texting, how much interest he was showing in other ways).

    On the topic of dating someone who will be moving soon: I did that once before, a couple years before I met Drew. The guy was in his last year of medical school and was upfront about not knowing where he would be matched for his residency. He also had several month-long rotations in other cities that would limit his availability. I decided to date him anyway and in retrospect, I’m glad I did. I mean, the relationship and the boyfriend, specifically were pretty awful, but I learned a lot, and when it ended, I didn’t have to wonder “what if?” Dating him and discovering that he was a terrible match for me meant that he didn’t become this sort of “guy who got away” fantasy in my head that I would compare all future men to.

    So, I say, if you’ve got someone you like who has told you he’s moving in a couple of months and that hasn’t completely deterred you from seeing him: go for it. The worst that will happen is you’ll get your heart broken, which you will recover from. The best thing that will happen is somehow you make it work and you find long-lasting love. Most likely, the experience will probably be somewhere in between: kind of angsty, a little fun, a little heartbreaky, but ultimately another learning experience from which you’ll get closer to figuring out what you’re looking for.

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