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Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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  • #371542 Reply

    @veritek33, to answer your question: yes, I do want to kiss him for sure.

    I am also “unconventional” though I guess in that I won’t have sex outside of a committed relationship, so while this pace is slower than I would like it’s not terrible, if that makes sense. We met on OKCupid and have been seeing each other once a week at least for 2 months. I really like to get to know a guy before moving forward physically with him, obviously, so any sooner than this would’ve been premature for my liking.

    It’s now to the point where I think something should definitely happen the next 1-2 times we hang out, I think. He knows he is meeting my friends this weekend.

    And I just can’t get past the 2 whole days at my house thing. That’s a long time to spend with someone you have no interest in.

    Even so, I am going to a comedy show with another guy on Friday (friend from work) and talking to a few other guys on OKC so my options are still very open. I would like to see where things could go with Hippie Artist Guy but I am prepared to accept that it won’t move past good friendship…however most of my relationships start out as good friendships and I think that’s how it should be, anyway.

    #371550 Reply

    @TheLadyE, I’ve been following this thread, and the whole spending two nights thing did remind me of Dawson’s Creek somehow – it all seems a little too wholesome for naughty times, but it may indeed be just how he operates. I do think it’s a good thing to keep talking to others!

    Glad everyone else is getting out there and exploring prospects. Good luck, y’all.

    #371557 Reply

    See, yeah, I wouldn’t mind having someone to commiserate over dating, but the timing of some of those messages was weird. And now that I think about it, the reason he asked if I hooked up probably was because he was looking for something else (despite him saying he didn’t understand hookup culture). Sure it might have been a way to start swapping stories, but personally, I felt it was none of his business. It’s hard to tell tone through words, but that’s that.

    , sounds like you are in a good position with options. You mentioned before that you come from a conservative Christian background, but you said you are moving past that. Do you mind sharing a bit more? No pressure if you don’t want to.

    I come from a Christian family and while on the whole my family is liberal (e.g., pro-choice, support same sex couples, women pastors, etc.), my parents definitely instilled in me the no sex before marriage (but no purity ball or anything like that). I’m having a hard time moving past that, and whether I do want to move past that. I have actually become more religious as it helped me through some difficult times recently, but not so much that I am ready to know I want to abstain before marriage. Hypocritical possibly, but that is something I have been thinking about. I know I want to be in a committed relationship at least, but after that… My sister didn’t have sex before marriage and neither did her husband, and they were both in their early 30s when they got married. My sister is not judgmental at all but I feel like if she managed to wait, I have to wait too. I realize that virginity/purity has been overemphasized in western culture but it is hard to untrench it.

    #371561 Reply

    Right, saying he “doesn’t understand hookup culture” and then following that up by talking about primal urges would suggest that he was hoping to lead into some sexy chat. He was either hoping you’d “help him understand” hookup culture, by getting into a discussion about it, or he was trying to give you false reassurance that, oh, HE’d never hook up. But then he threw in the “but people have primal urges” thing to get back on track. And if he really just wanted to commiserate, you two would be swapping crazy messages you get from people, and dating stories, in real time, rather than him trying to feel you out late-night and find out if you’re awake and alone. And I think any guy who tells you he only uses Tinder “for relationships” and isn’t open to hookups is just a liar.

    #371565 Reply

    @hfantods, Sure thing, I’m happy to expound on that. I’m not sure if this is the right place (this thread I mean) but I’ll say a little and if you’d like to speak privately we can certainly do that too.

    I was raised in church, went to “True Love Waits” events, signed a pledge, all that kind of thing. Not quite purity balls, but still, I was definitely taught to wait til marriage. However, like you, my parents are also very liberal, Democrats, support same-sex marriage and women pastors. It sounds like our backgrounds and our families are very similar.

    Well, I’m now in my early 30’s, and I’m older than my sister who is 25 and has never even come close to having sex – so I’m the example. I am a Christian in that I believe in Jesus, but I don’t really participate in organized religion. Gosh, just typing that seems hypocritical but I stopped going to church regularly about 2 years ago and now when I do go it just doesn’t seem genuine.

    That said, I do feel like it is unrealistic to wait until marriage at this point (my family agrees, not that I’ve talked to them much about me personally but just in general). I’ve had previous relationships that went further than what I was taught to do by Christian standards, but the most serious of them were with a couple different guys who had similar backgrounds as mine and they would end up feeling terrible & guilty. One guy (who I’d been friends with for 3 years) refuses to speak to me anymore after I gave him one of his first sexual experiences (something most people do in their teens or early 20s) at the age of 30, two years ago now. (Don’t want to get too graphic on you, sorry.)

    For me personally, I am Christian, but also, in my early 30’s having had a few relationships, my decision is that I won’t have sex outside of a committed relationship…and that’s good enough for me, for now.

    #371569 Reply

    Oh, I finally have something to add here! I’m going on a date tomorrow night for the first time since I went into a self-imposed exile last month to study for the bar. I’m staying with my family in the mountains just for this month, so I’m really only looking for someone fun to chill with while I’m here, nothing serious. I connected with a handsome, funny guy on Tinder, and it turns out I went to law school with his brother, he went to HS with my friend, etc, etc. So we’re planning on meeting up in Asheville tomorrow night, and if we click, we’re gonna get out of the city to watch the perseids meteor shower.

    #371584 Reply

    That sounds fun, @shakeourtree! I love meteor showers.

    #371603 Reply

    Thanks so much for your detailed response, TheLadyE. Would actually be interested chatting to you more privately too.

    Nice @shakeourtree! Hope tomorrow goes well!

    #371606 Reply

    Have fun, @Shakeourtree! That sounds amazing.

    #371608 Reply

    Agreed shake! That will be a great date.

    #371614 Reply

    I can’t wait to hear details about the date! Hopefully the tide is turning. Maybe all the psotive energy here helps? My date from last week asked me to do something over the weekend, but I was out of town. We might do something this week, but I have a lot planned with my friends this week.

    #371663 Reply

    @Shake that sounds like a fun date!

    I’m happy to report that Tinder Teacher and I finally nailed down a date! We are meeting up for drinks and possible dinner friday night and I’m excited to meet him. He’s fun to talk to so hopefully the chemistry is there in person! Plus he’s cute. But if nothing else, possible fun road trip as we are meeting in the middle.

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