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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Anyone going on awesome dates?

Viewing 12 posts - 4,465 through 4,476 (of 11,008 total)
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  • #683180 Reply
    Ale
    Guest

    I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.I feel like this is all on me. He had too many issues and I just became one more. I brought this on myself with all my jealousy and my nagging.

    #683181 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Omg, no, you didn’t. If you were jealous and nagging, it’s because the fit was wrong and the relationship was making you be that way. This is not one person’s fault. I always thought he sounded like a little boy.

    #683182 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    “He had too many issues” is right on.

    #683187 Reply
    dinoceros
    Participant

    “Jealousy and nagging” are not enough to push a person’s stress level over the edge. If they were, then it’s a sign that person is unable to balance their own life. In order to be in a relationship, a person needs to know how to have a job and a life and a relationship all at the same time. If they can’t, it’s on them. Plenty of people do it.

    #683199 Reply
    Ale
    Guest

    I ended up begging him more that what my dignity should have allowed. He said no repeteadedly. I gave SO.MUCH. So much you guys. I put myself entirely in this relationship. I just need time to go by fast.

    #683206 Reply
    Avatar photohfantods
    Participant

    I’m so sorry, Ale. You did not bring this on yourself.

    #683215 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    Oh, @Ale. I’m so sorry. I don’t think you brought this on yourself, either. I know it’s not much of a consolation now, but it sounds like you guys were wanted different futures, and you were both starting to realize that. It is super painful to feel like you invested in something/someone for three years and are walking away from it with nothing, but it’s so much better than another three years with him that ultimately lead to this outcome. From what you’ve written on here lately, it sounds like he has a lot of personal issues that need to be sorted out. I’m so sorry you’re hurting, and I hope you’ll take good care of yourself.

    I opened my Tinder app today for the first time in, I dunno, maybe a week? Two? I really haven’t been using it lately since I suck at playing the field when I’ve met someone I want to get to know more. I noticed that Taco Guy and I are no longer matched on there, so I’m not sure if I’m about to get ghosted or if he deleted account. I texted him this morning to see how he was doing since his uncle’s services were yesterday and Friday, and he responded a hot second ago to tell me a little bit about it and how sad he is. But, I dunno, I’ve had a couple guys delete me as a match before going on to ghost me, so I’m a little sad and unsure. Things seemed like they were going so well!

    #683228 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    They obviously were going well if you had four or however many dates and you were having fun. I’d give him a few days, and if he’s not picking the communication back up, assume he’s probably out. For right now, though, I wouldn’t read much into it, as he’s been dealing with this family tragedy.

    #683328 Reply
    Avatar photokmtthat
    Participant

    Oh Ale, I’m so sorry! I know right now you are going to focus on what you think you did wrong or could have done better, but I agree with others in saying if it wasn’t working it wasn’t the right fit. Please don’t beat yourself up on shoulda woulda couldas, just try to get some space to sort out your feelings and practice self care even when you don’t want to. You’re going through a big shock right now and I promise, when time is inching by it’s excruciating, but you’ll wake up one day and it will be a year from now and you’ll be in a much better place. Vent to us, vent to friends, vent to a therapist. Sending you all the positive vibes.

    #683329 Reply
    Avatar photokmtthat
    Participant

    Also Copa I’ve found that guys would sometimes unmatch me once we started dating (so I wasn’t able to see their other activity/didn’t want to be tempted to check mine) or because they had deleted their account. So, it’s totally random as to why and doesn’t necessarily mean ghosting.

    I’m leaving for the U.K. in three days, and then a week later to Greece! I’m feeling nervous that I’ve decided to tell bf that I love him when we are in Greece. I feel pretty sure he feels the same way, and also feel ok if he doesn’t say it back yet because I feel really secure in his feelings for me. The last time I told someone I loved them (after a year of dating!) their response was “I don’t think you can know if you love someone for at least two years.” So really hoping it doesn’t go as shitty as that!

    #683332 Reply
    MissDre
    Guest

    @kmtthat what made you decide that you’re ready to tell him that you love him? I’m really curious about this topic. Because I don’t want to repeat past mistakes of thinking infatuation is love, so I’ve been asking myself how I’ll really know that I actually love my new bf.

    #683335 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    Yeah, just because I haven’t been actively using the app lately, I have no clue if he unmatched me yesterday, two days ago, or two weeks ago. Or if he deleted his account altogether. About this time last year, I met someone on Tinder, and we dated for a couple months. Our second to last date, during dinner, we both gushed about how easy it felt to be with one another. Our last date was fireworks on July 4, and he offered to help me move apartments later the following week. By all accounts, things were going well. Days later, he unmatched me. And within a day or two, he ghosted, and it felt so abrupt. I only opened the app yesterday to get the notifications to stop showing up (pet peeve) and hate that I actually noticed that Taco Guy was gone. I guess we’ll see! I’ve met a couple nice guys in the past year, but I think this is the first time I’ve felt that feeling of ease with someone since last year.

    @kmtthat That’s really exciting! Have a great vacation. 😀 (Also: “I don’t think you can know if you love someone for at least two years.” — Wow.)

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