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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Anyone going on awesome dates?

Viewing 12 posts - 4,513 through 4,524 (of 10,995 total)
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  • #683545 Reply
    K
    Guest

    I’m not friends with my exes, but am friendly if I see them. About 2 years ago I ran into my ex at the grocery store. He was with his mom, so nothing had changed. (His mom used to do all his grocery shopping for him. I guess it was a step up that he was actually accompanying her.) We talked for about 10 minutes and it was fine. Overall, I think being friends with serious exes is a bad idea, and it’s something that can only potentially happen over time, like a few years later.

    #683572 Reply
    Avatar photoPortia
    Guest

    Ale, that’s not the level of friendly you need to be with an ex who shit on your generosity like that. Plus from the way he’s acting, he wants the benefits of a girlfriend without actually having a girlfriend. Fuck that noise, go as low contact as you can while occupying some of the same space, and seriously consider ways to distance yourself – can you move gyms, block his number/email? I’d be explicit with him that you’re not having lunch together.

    I’m not friends with exes, though any exes I have are like 10 years+ in the past. And I’ve been lucky to have few run-ins. A few months after I broke up with my high school boyfriend, I was visiting my parents and ran into his dad at the grocery store. Literally ran into his cart. I think there may have been a hurried hi, then immediately jolted in the other direction. I have friends that are friendly with exes, but if they’re good friends, it was never serious (or the guy later came out as gay). I think the level of seriousness is important in deciding whether you can have contact/a friendship. The ones who have stayed friends with serious exes and everything was “fine,” it wasn’t fine in the end…

    #683574 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    One other comment… I slept with a guy at work a few times. Not in the same department, but the office is just one floor. We just pretended like nothing happened, and there was NO call for anything other than a “what’s up” in the kitchen or hallway. We stopped texting, emailing, etc, and all was fine. Obviously he wasn’t my boyfriend, but the point is it’s easy enough to go back to polite civility and nothing more.

    I’m not friends with any exes, and somehow managed never to run into my most recent ex in six years even though I still hang out with his friends. Once my husband went to a party he was at when I was out of town… they each knew who the other was, but didn’t talk or anything. I get texts every now and then from my first husband. That’s it.

    #683601 Reply
    Ale
    Member

    I will print this and keep it close.

    #683602 Reply
    Ale
    Member

    I can change my gym, but I really don’t want to. I’ve been going there for four years and I love it. I know a lot of people there. He joined like two years ago, after insisting that he wanted to go with me to the gym. I didn’t want him to join because I wanted it for myself. And he insisted. So he broke up with me and if anybody should be changing gyms it should be him.

    #683605 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Tell him to change gyms! If he won’t, he’s really a super asshole, and you definitely need to switch.

    #683615 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    Is it a small gym? Is changing up your gym time (or asking him to change his) not an option?

    #683695 Reply
    Ale
    Member

    Now that he is another department, he has a different schedule. Before, we had the same hours. Now, he works later. I leave work an hour and a half earlier, so I have that window to train before he arrives. When he contacts me, I will tell him that he should change gyms.
    My new and awesome therapist (I loved him) told me to avoid him as much as I can. But not to tell him to stop texting me. Like, to let him figure it out that I’m avoiding him. So, I’ll start doing that and if he doesn’t change gyms I will sadly have to.

    #683700 Reply
    Avatar photohfantods
    Participant

    He has some strange behaviour, all I can really add. With such a fresh breakup, he shouldn’t be so friendly friendly.

    I have a first date from Bumble planned Saturday night. I’m busy all week and he’s busy Friday. This is actually my first first date at night, so hopefully this will be OK without a ready out. From what I can gather through pictures is he’s an adorkable jock. He’s also 25 to my 27. I never really thought I had a type but I can safely say this is not my usual type. I’m weirdly excited, trying to keep expectations low. Right now I’m doing this awkward dance of like not wanting to ask too many questions to save them for the date, but I have so many questions! We first started chatting Sunday and then I (!) asked if he wanted to meet up yesterday and we organized that. I feel the best thing is to let a few days pass without texts before a first date given this time frame, but he texted me tonight and it is nice that that perhaps he wants to stay in my mind. Well, take this day by day until Saturday I guess…

    #683774 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    Still no word from Taco Guy since Sunday. Debating if it’s time to call it, or if I’m being unrealistic/selfish in light of his loss and current work situation. I’m a bit sad about it, but it’s also made me try harder to make plans after work every day this week so I’m not sitting around wondering.


    @hfantods
    If you’re struggling to keep expectations low, probably best not to text him too much before date one. I personally don’t really like texting people too much before we meet because I find it tedious and boring, but every once in awhile, I’ll find a guy online that I genuinely don’t mind texting regularly up until our first date. But, I think a lot of texting beforehand is a good way to wind up disappointed if things fall flat in person. When one of my friends was online dating, she would text the guys she met for a minimum of several weeks before meeting and would always call me crying the day after first dates when she didn’t hear from her date.

    #683797 Reply
    Avatar photokmtthat
    Participant

    @Copa doesn’t hurt to reach out casually and say “hey, just wondering how you’re doing. Would be great to see you again soon if you’re feeling up for it” Sucks that it may just be bad timing for him to date.

    Ale it sounds like you’re doing everything you should be right now, and eff him for wanting to be friends again straight off. I’m only friends with one ex, and it was a. my first bf so we have that “grew up together” thing and mutual friends and b. we had a lot of time after dating of no contact before we restarted our friendship. I think if you can’t see that person with someone else and for your first instinct to be genuinely happy for them and to be sincerely unfazed, then friendship isn’t possible. He needs to respect your space to move on.

    I’m busy packing for my trip tomorrow and SO EXCITED!

    #683857 Reply
    Avatar photohfantods
    Participant

    @Copa, it does seem like bad timing but it seems like all your dates so far have gone well too so it calling it might be premature? I think a short text would be appropriate, but what you did last week was good too. Do you want to see other guys? You mentioned something about exclusive or not.

    I’m not a big texter before first dates either. But if he asks “how was your day”/”how was your meeting” I feel obligated to reply. I don’t know if it reflects poorly on him or not. But it’s not incessant texting during the day at least. Totally overthinking this too.

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