Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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  • #839000 Reply

    I have to say I really appreciate the input here at DW. I am glad my gut reaction is not that far off, even though every couple is different. I didn’t even think about the planning a wedding part but it’s true, it could be a long engagement. Also agreed it could be possible with those committed to being common law spouses so to speak.

    I’d say with the rising real estate market there is some pressure to buy but it’s a matter of by yourself or with your partner. I’m not speaking personally but I think that factors into decisions especially if you are renting together.

    #839007 Reply

    I’m always surprised that people will buy homes or have children before marriage, and THEN fret about when their relationship will “progress to the next level”. Like, you skipped a critical level already bro! Becoming financially/biologically entangled, without first agreeing to and legally formalizing your lifetime commitment, is like trying to build a house without first pouring a foundation. I did move in with my then-boyfriend, now-husband, into a condo that he owned. He told me he wasn’t my landlord, and wasn’t going to charge me rent, so I was able to pay off my student loans. Like @scorpio, we both paid for groceries and cable, but any costs associated with the condo were entirely covered by my husband. We checked out lots of real estate just for fun, but didn’t buy a house or have a baby until after we got married.

    #839011 Reply

    @hfantods – real estate is not always a sure thing, as I think we all know by now! Financial considerations alone are not a good enough reason to move in/buy property with a significant other. I’ve helped so many friends move out of places they shared with an SO, and most of the time the only reason they moved in together in the first place was because someone’s lease was ending. At least none of them had to go through an acrimonious property sale in a down market.

    #839012 Reply

    Sometimes it’s definitely better financially to rent. Renting or leasing makes more sense in a lot of cases than buying.

    And buying can turn out to be just expensive renting too.

    #839017 Reply

    I moved across the country with my ex bf, we bought a house together, we broke up. It was a PITA. He paid me an agreed upon amount eventually. I had contributed much less to the down payment and I honestly just wanted to be free of the drama.

    #839159 Reply

    I personally wont be investing in a house for a very long time, I have school to finish, getting a solid job and even then I am not sure if where I am at for school is where I want to live forever. I’de rather put the money down when I know I have more stability job wise and relationship wise.

    My friend on other other hand has been living at home with minimal expenses to save up for a house, whether she is with someone or not, she wants to get one. She is pretty hard pressed that the house will be her forever home as she wants a family soon (with someone but barely hit a year yet). I personally think it is a bad idea to get one in her timeline mainly because she intends to find work elsewhere and ultimately doesn’t seem to have that location stability to keep her in our hometown.

    #839163 Reply

    Yeah, I think that people are sometimes not savvy about how a house ties you down, especially when people find themselves needing/wanting to move.

    #839167 Reply

    I love my house, and was lucky I got into the real estate market when I did, but @fyodor and @cleo are right, it really does tie you down. I am a wanderer at heart and while I like having a home base, sometimes I wish I was renting so I could leave for longer periods of time, didn’t have the expenses of homeownership or the responsibility of maintenance.

    • This reply was modified 11 months ago by avatarscorpio.
    #839168 Reply

    Another consideration would be, if you haven’t built up a lot of savings, and something happens like a job loss or illness, you are on the hook for that mortgage payment and could lose the house and everything you put into it. Or it could just put you in a hole financially as you’re obligated to make that payment. Whereas if you rent, you may have more flexibility to do something like move in with family for a while and not have that expense.

    #839172 Reply

    We bought our first house together when we were engaged. We got married the same year so it worked out. Since moving from our home state to the one we are in now…we built a house and though I love my house I’m kind of wishing we would have just kept renting. However, rents here are nearly as expensive as mortgages (unless you want to live on the “bad” side of town and even then, they aren’t cheap). So, investment wise – at this point- it was a good decision…as long as the market holds.

    #839211 Reply

    @hfantods Are you guys talking about moving in? *nosy*

    #839212 Reply

    I have a random wedding question. How do we feel about brunch weddings? Married by 11 am and then having waffles and mimosas and everyone is done and taking naps by mid afternoon?

    I think this might be my dream wedding.

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