DW Community Catch-up Thread

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  • Kate
    June 30, 2019 at 6:49 am #846651

    Yeah, when someone is talking about a relationship right away, they usually will crash and burn on you like that.

    July 1, 2019 at 8:54 pm #846766

    Can anyone help me with ideas for a token gift I can send my partner’s mother for her birthday?

    I’m feeling a bit stuck because our cultures are very different and she’s quite set in her ways from what I know of her.

    Last year I got her a handmade wooden spice box because she loves to cook. But in her mind, she just thought that’s not how she stores her spices, so she gave it back to me.

    A new cookbook will be useless because she only cooks Tamil food and she knows all her dishes from memory.

    I know she likes to go to the temple.

    I just want to send a token gift so she knows I’m thinking of her.

    Any ideas?

    July 1, 2019 at 9:02 pm #846767

    What about a heartfelt letter/card? A pic of you guys in a nice frame?

    Feel free to send me the spice box 🙂

    July 1, 2019 at 9:25 pm #846768

    Thanks 🙂 I’ll ask the sister in law if the mother is the kind of person who likes family photos.

    My partner is a sweetheart but he’s so bad with gift giving lol.

    P.S. I kept the spice box for my jewellery!

    July 1, 2019 at 9:40 pm #846770


    I have other thoughts too. Some nice stationary if she’s into that kind of thing? I’m always a fan of gifting a book. I know no cookbook though. I’m always into gifting really good hand lotion too, like the kind you splurge on. A pashmina or scarf.

    I love buying gifts. Those (minus the hand lotion, but I still love) feel more personal to me.

    July 2, 2019 at 6:19 am #846793

    I personally would let my partner worry about gifts for his own parents and I for mine. He’ll text my parents happy birthday or get a card, but we each handle gifts for our own parents. I just mean, I really don’t think you need to send her anything. Or just a card would be sufficient. I also would say who even cares if she’s into family photos, a framed photo is ALWAYS a nice gift, and so is stationery. Or some flowers if they have flower delivery over there.

    ETA Holy rude to give back a gift. Like hello, it’s a pretty box you could store anything in. Obviously I could be missing something about her culture, but what the hell? Was she trying to send you a message there?

    Also ETA I’ve never known a mom who didn’t like pics. My mom sends photos of my husband and I that I text her to Snapfish and gets them framed and displays them.

    July 2, 2019 at 7:11 am #846799

    I also don’t buy gifts for the husband’s parents and vice versa. Definitely a card with a nice note would suffice.

    July 2, 2019 at 8:36 am #846815

    @Kate I understand where you’re coming from, especially in our culture where women take on so much of the emotional labour.

    But I think there’s just a completely different culture around gift-giving where my partner comes from. And it’s also probably much different for his mother’s generation as well.

    The best way I can explain it is… you don’t just pick out something that you think someone would like. You give them something to be useful. And since she didn’t know what she would do with the spice box, she wanted me to keep it because she thought I must have a better use for it.

    Anyway, I just wanted to send something nice for her 75th birthday. That’s just the kind of person I am… I love to give presents!

    Especially since she and I have been trying to connect a bit across the distance. It’s hard when she’s on another continent.

    July 2, 2019 at 8:45 am #846817

    I would definitely do a heartfelt card and a photo of her son that you took, in a nice frame, and be done with it.

    My husband sends his parents gift cards to restaurants they like, as they’re kind of on a fixed income to put it diplomatically. Those are definitely useful.

    Avatar photo
    July 2, 2019 at 9:24 am #846822

    @MissD I really like the idea of a framed photo. MofV’s mom is also super hard to shop for and super literal/doesn’t have much of a sense of humor or creativity so you have to explain gifts to her.

    So I realized she LOVES ice cream. And for Christmas I just bought her some gift cards to Coldstone and Baskin Robbins and wrote a card telling her that she works hard and she should go treat herself to some ice cream. She loved it. Took almost no effort on my part and I didn’t have to explain it to her.

    How would a gift card or certificate go over in his mom’s culture? Too impersonal? It’s better than just handing cash but I know some people hate gift cards because they’re perceived as lazy.

    Avatar photo
    July 2, 2019 at 10:27 am #846833

    The sister in law… did you get married MissDre? Or did I just miss something? Oh is it your partner’s SIL? I think the photo gift is nice.

    My boyfriend met my boss for the first time this weekend. It was actually pretty nice, heh, but we were a little nervous I guess.

    July 2, 2019 at 3:53 pm #846876

    Framed photo or really nice frame is always my go-to. There are also lovely subscriptions like flower of the month or fruit of the month. I used to get my dad root beer of the month. You can also get her a membership to a local museum. One year I got my mom a seat in a flower arranging class. I don’t know if she went but I thought it was a nice gift.

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DW Community Catch-up Thread

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