PortiaJuly 9, 2019 at 10:06 am #847459
Yikes! No, I don’t think you’re at all in the wrong, Ver. She sounds like someone who needs an information diet… You say the parents give her whatever she wants, but would they go as far as to take her side in this? That would be my concern.
She also doesn’t get to dictate what you do on a vacation after her wedding is done. Maybe this is your plan already, but if I were you, I’d find a separate hotel to go to after the destination wedding is over. There’s less of an argument for her to make if you’re leaving the hotel along with everyone else (and I’m sure you won’t be the only ones making the destination wedding into a longer vacation, I feel like that’s pretty common).
@ver, some people are seriously crazy about their weddings.
Don’t change the date of your wedding. I’m guessing the only acceptable time for you to get married is at least six+ months after your soon to be SIL. She can not dominate everyone’s lives until her “big day.”
However, you (or your fiance rather) needs to proactively keep the peace to remain on friendly terms (if that’s what he wants). I think he should calmly explain to his sister and his parents the importance of this day for you both and how it’s a simple wedding and will in no way take away from bridezilla’s wedding. There might not be any reasoning with her, but at least his parents will hopefully understand. She has A TON of weekends to pick for a shower / bachelorette. She does not need to hold these parties exactly 8 weeks out.
Don’t divulge any extra information about your wedding or honeymoon to the sister. The less she knows the better. The less she knows, the less she can find ways to get upset.
My close friend and I got married about 8 weeks apart. She was into the traditional wedding thing. Wanted all the parties. Etc. She also wanted so badly to GET married. I was meh about the whole wedding thing, I just wanted to BE married to the husband. I ended up getting married “first”. All of our friends went to both weddings (in different cities). I went to all her parties. It was fine.
One of my cousins got married three weeks after my sister. Again, in different cities. Nearly all of our family… even those who traveled… made it to both. Again, it was fine.
Where is her destination wedding? She’s bonkers for being so concerned that you’d leave for your honeymoon after her wedding is already over. WTF. Yikes. Bridezilla behavior like this would make me WANT to steal her thunder. Which is bad advice, I know, but I can’t deal with people like that.LisforLeslieJuly 9, 2019 at 10:41 am #847465
Some brides feel that they get the whole year to themselves. They don’t. But some want that.
Don’t change your wedding date. Also don’t be surprised if she tries to plan a shower a day before or a day after your wedding to refocus attention on her (while everyone is in town for your wedding).
As for the destination wedding just put her on an info diet. Just shrug if she asks you what your plans are. The best way to do it is to turn it back on her “What are YOU doing for YOUR honeymoon!?” and just keep distracting her.
I don’t think you are in the wrong at all, and I agree that sharing the least amount of details about your plans with her the better. Obviously share information that she needs to know, but don’t give her anything that cause additional stress or over-reactions on her part.
I think I remember you posting that you were worried she would be upset that you got engaged so close together, but when you talked to her she was happy for you, is that correct? If so, hopefully when things calm down and after her wedding is over she will realize she was being a bit of a bridezilla.
PS – your brunch wedding sounds absolutely lovely!
@Copa she’s the one who is getting married at Disney world. Which I hate and don’t want to spend money to go there. I don’t like Florida but we thought we could just make the best of it and find a beach to enjoy a few days as our honeymoon after her wedding.
@scorpio MofV held off on buying a ring because he knew it would upset his sister if we got engaged too soon after her. So he waited a full 6 months to make it official. And he had run the wedding date we liked by her previously and she didn’t say a word about it being an interference with her wedding, but now that we are “officially engaged” it’s “a lot more real now and overwhelming her.”
I just wanted this to be a happy time and now I’m considering booking a courthouse and calling it a day.
Don’t change your plans. Don’t let her dictate what you both choose to do. The date is significant to you and you are not raining on her parade by having your wedding two months before hers. That’s ridiculous. I agree an information diet sounds appropriate. I’m not sure how the in laws are, but maybe that will mean telling them less details? Just make sure you’re on the same page.
Congratulations! Veritek, love the ring.
It is a happy time! Don’t let crazy pants ruin it for you. Think of it this way… if you were to move your wedding (DON’T!!!), she’d probably get pregnant right away and then ask you to hold off further because you’re ruining her pregnancy. There’s no reasoning with these kinds of people.VathenaJuly 9, 2019 at 11:11 am #847476
Congratulations, Veritek! Your ring is gorgeous. I’m on a rose gold kick lately, and green is my favorite color, so I’m all *heart eyes* for it! I’m with ktfran – give yourself permission for a hearty shrug at your SIL, then proceed with your plans. Everything will be fine in the end; everyone will be married and life will go on. Don’t let her drag you down into crazytown.
Congrats, Veritek! Don’t do Florida as your honeymoon if you hate I – that will just make you resent going to Florida for your SIL’s wedding even more. If you can’t afford another trip on top of going to Florida for the wedding, plan a great honeymoon closer to home and immediately following your own wedding. It will feel more special to you and more “yours.” You can still tack on a couple days in Florida after the wedding if you wanted, but don’t call it your honeymoon. Or, come right home after the wedding and save your vacations days and travel budget for something you’re going to enjoy more. A wedding at Disneyland sounds fucking horrible, but whatever. You only have to go to it once!
I’m not going to lie, if I were in her shoes with my older brother I wouldn’t love it but I’d get over it. But since that date has a special meaning to you, her wedding is a destination wedding so relatives wouldn’t be traveling twice to the same place for your weddings, those are extra reasons not to change the date even if it is irrelevant. How many relatives is she inviting to go to to Florida? Are you inviting the same people to your small brunch wedding?
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