PortiaJuly 9, 2019 at 1:22 pm #847519
I think with so few overlapping guests, my question would be: is there *any* reason the grandfather or parents wouldn’t be able to go to both? If there were more relatives maybe, maybe I could see that it’s upstaging and guests would choose a closer wedding rather than a destination wedding. But if the grandfather and parents are making it to both, I really don’t see an issue… Also, if you were to move it to after her wedding (and please don’t), I’d bet she would have spent much of the time talking about her recent wedding, showing pictures, etc.
If you don’t want a long engagement and you already feel little resentful that you had to wait six months before even getting “officially engaged” so as not to upstage the SIL and you don’t want a big wedding – just a casual brunch thing – and you can’t afford a honeymoon on top of going to a destination wedding a few weeks later, and you’re 35 and want to get the show on the road and start having babies, why wait until next year (next spring, I think?) to get married? Is getting married on your grandparents’ anniversary *that* big of a deal? Why not get married in, like, late September or October or November of this year, which I’m assuming would be like seven to nine months before your SIL’s wedding, would keep your engagement short (although you’ve been “sort of” engaged for what sounds like several months already?), and would space out the $$ you and others would spend on these occasions. Just an idea. You really don’t need months and months to plan a wedding, especially a casual one with a casual honeymoon. We planned our Manhattan wedding and our two-week European honeymoon in less than five months, and would have done it even quicker except we had to wait for my parents’ to have time off to make the trip from Germany, where they lived at the time.BittergaymarkJuly 9, 2019 at 1:28 pm #847522
That far out you are seriously tempting fate that both your grandparents will still be alive. .
No, seriously. Not to be grim, but in the past year alone, seven —- SEVEN — of my close friends all lost parents. Most were only in their late 70s. A year ago? Nobody was even sick. Now, they’re all dead.
Hinging your entire wedding date on the health of anybody is unwise. It can make for a very grim day if the unthinkable happens.
You can honor your grandparents no matter what day you marry. Why not do so five or six months ahead of the sister. That’s what I’d do.BittergaymarkJuly 9, 2019 at 1:30 pm #847523
PS — Wendy beat me to it with a host of other excellent points.
I appreciate the points that you’ve brought up Wendy. And quite frankly I’d be fine with getting married this fall or by the end of the year but I think no matter when we get married, if it’s before her, it will upset her.
Maybe I am in the wrong here. I just happened that their anniversary fell on a good day to get married and we could get a good deal on the venue and so I got excited about it. I don’t even want to talk about the possibility of the grandparents not being there because any of us could be hit by a bus and I’m not naive, it was just something I wanted to do for them once it presented itself as an opportunity.
I’ve not said anything to his sister or his family. I’ll just keep my mouth shut for a few days and think this all through.
Oh jeez. Family would have to choose between weddings *two months* apart? Huh!? There’s literally been nothing said to conclude that. My family managed just fine in a similar situation where many of us had to travel to both.
That said, I do agree that if you guys just wanna be married, the date is less important.BittergaymarkJuly 9, 2019 at 1:53 pm #847530
Yes. In my family, and in many other families, people would have to choose. Why? Not everybody can afford to fly across america every couple of months. Nor would they necessarily want to.
Apart from that — it’s a classic dick upstaging move. “Yay! Remember how You’re getting married? Well, I am doing it first! Hah!”
PS — I suspect any wedding planner or wedding magazine advice columnist would agree that this is especially true among siblings.saneincaJuly 9, 2019 at 2:17 pm #847542
WTF BGM ?
How is a marriage happening 2 months before the SIL’s wedding raining on her parade ?
And Veritek’s is a low key local wedding as opposed to SIL’s destination wedding with all bells and whistles.
If the SIL wrote to complain, you would have blasted her for being a bridezilla. You just have to find something to criticize a poster. Even if she is doing nothing wrong and everything right.
Veritek, just go for it. Whatever works for you is good.
Your SIL is not a princess that everyone has to bow down and change their schedules (and these days that is not even happening to real princesses). Is she going to throw a tantrum every time another cousin or friend gets married in the next year ?
Right. It’s a smallish, brunch wedding. Hardly a big extravagant wedding affair that would outshine another wedding. (I think it sounds lovely @veritek). The only people overlapping are three guests.
I mean, when is the acceptable amount of time you should not “upstage” someone and put your life on hold? 3 months? 6 months? A year?
I actually remember that my ex-fiance’s older sister got engaged a few weeks after the ex-fiance and I did. She was going to plan her wedding for a couple of months after ours. I couldn’t have cared less! In the grand scheme of things, is what comes after, the marriage, the most important part?
EDT: When you think about it, they already put their engagement on hold to give his sister some “look at me” time. Now they have to put the wedding on hold? Or get married ASAP? And what’s next? If the future SIL gets pregnant first, do they have to wait a certain amount of time until after her baby is born to get pregnant? If this were a week or two, I’d probably advise differently. 8 weeks is plenty.
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