I don’t think it’s rude to tell someone you’re not interested in a shower. Less work for them! But I think if you have some kind of celebration, many guests will feel inclined to bring a gift anyway. I say skip the shower altogether if you don’t want more stuff.
Some people consider honeymoon fund registries tacky, but I’d sooner do that than register for more stuff. (I feel like I’m drowning in my stuff and I live alone. I can’t even imagine the mess of stuff BG and I would have if we moved in together.)
From small town Midwest here. I wanted zero gifts and zero parties leading up to my wedding. I was able to convince my immediate family to not throw me a shower, but it was hard. We ended up making my bachelorette similar to a shower in that we went to a cocktail making class then dinner. My mom joined in on the festivities. That was my compromise.
So, I think you could ask for what you want, if that’s drinks, cool!
I also ended up registering for a few items at different price points so if people wanted to buy a gift, they could. Two cousins did honeyfunds and I contributed to that instead of checks at the wedding.
I think you should do both. A few more traditional house items and then a honeyfund and people can choose what they’d prefer to gift. They’ll gift you something regardless.
Last year I was a bridesmaid for a friend, and I hosted a surprise shower for her and a handful of her friends. We requested no gifts, and instead be bought a customized recipe box from Etsy and asked everyone to bring a recipe to add to the box. Everyone also brought a small gift (not from the registry), but they were more like stuff from Lush, not pots and pans. It went well and everyone had a nice time.
I usually will purchase a gift from someone’s registry, just because I know it’s something they want. I’ve gone to weddings where they only had a Honeyfund, so I contributed to that. I just stick within my price point and I’ve never heard anyone else complain!LianneJuly 29, 2019 at 11:52 am #849023
You can literally do anything you want. If you want a shower, have one. If you want it to be non-traditional, do that. If you don’t want one, politely decline. That’s the beauty of being a bit older and wiser than the younger friends that you mention kind of just going along with “tradition.” And there’s nothing wrong with tradition if you like it. Just decide what would make YOU happy and do that.
Curious, how big will your wedding be? Are you inviting a lot of people or keeping it small? FWIW, I’ve had people do all kinds of different registries and never felt like any were “asking for cash” or whatever. I think people are used to that stuff now – it’s not groundbreaking.LianneJuly 29, 2019 at 11:55 am #849024
Oh and if you decide not to have a shower but register, don’t put it on the wedding invitAtions. If you have a wedding website put it there, it’s fine to put on a shower invitation, but not the wedding invitation. JMO.
Maybe five years ago I went to a wedding for a friend. It was an Indian wedding and the invite said something like “no boxed gifts please.” I’d never seen this before, but I Googled and learned it was a cultural thing and a polite way to ask for cash.
I’ve been to a lot of weddings in the past few years as the vast majority of my friends did not get married young. I personally don’t find it tackier to ask for cash than to ask for gifts, and would rather whatever I gift be put to good use. If anything, I’ve been invited to events that felt like gift grabs, or have heard comments about wanting to be gifted X because X is so overpriced and they’d never dream of buying that for themselves, and been rubbed the wrong way by those.
I’m in my early 30s and have noticed that many of my friends think the traditional registry route is a bit odd nowadays since so many of us couple up a little later and live alone first. Many of us seem to have the too-much-stuff problem.
I say ask for what you want. If that’s a honeyfund, go for it. The way I see it, you run the risk of people thinking you’re tacky no matter what you do.
@Lianne a brunch wedding on a Friday followed by winery visits, roughly 65 people invited but probably all won’t be able to attend since it’s a traditional work day. And yes definitely wouldn’t put registry on invite. We’d throw that on the website or just make sure the shower hosts know.
I asked my BFF this morning if we could just do a couples cocktail night or something at her neighborhood clubhouse rather than a traditional shower and she got excited about that – so there’s one less shower to worry about!
How many showers are you going to have?
My family is also from Missouri and I also got married in my 30s. I was the oldest of any of the women in my extended family to get married and, to my knowledge the first – and so far only – woman not to have a bridal shower. I just didn’t want one and I said so and that was that. You honestly don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I couldn’t have imagined having a party thrown for me that I didn’t actually want – not when it’s work and expense for other people; I just don’t see the point! But, yeah, if you have a shower, people gonna be bringing gifts. Just do a registry with stuff at various price points – maybe you want to upgrade sheets or kitchenware or something. You can also do pricier gifts, like say a Roomba, that multiple people can contribute to. I personally wouldn’t do a honeymoon registry but I’ve seen them done before and have contributed to them and, like, whatever.
But, really, if you don’t want a shower, just tell the people who offered that you so appreciate their offer but since you’re 35 or however old you are, you don’t really need the stuff that a traditional shower sets you up with and that you can’t wait to celebrate with everyone at your wedding.
Showers seem so outdated to me. I can’t believe they’re still so popular!
If it were up to me we’d have ONE get together, couples shower, with no expected gifts. I went to a close friend’s couples shower and it was great. We hung out having cocktails and snacks and a few people brought gifts to put on a table and I had his gift sent to his house and it was no big deal. So maybe I can just talk my BFF into doing it with my mom’s friend and calling it a day. But my boss is gonna do a work thing no matter what, and I think I can convince her that cupcakes or something and hanging out in a conference room is just fine.
Also I hate bridal/baby shower games and I refuse to play them.
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