Thanks @fyodor. I know you are right, as much as I want this to work out I know that he needs some time being single and even dating a bit more. He actually dated someone else for just over a year between the end of his marriage and me, but it sounds like it was pretty toxic and dramatic, similar to relationships a number of us have in our early 20s. I can speculate all I want, but even he has said he doesn’t know what exactly his journey is right now, so I just have to walk away while he figures it out.
Thank you everyone. Yesterday sucked, I missed him a lot and saw like 20 meme’s on IG that I wanted to send him (I didn’t). His ex-wife also reached out (we have become friends), and I ended up feeling like I was supporting her through this as she is upset, the kids are upset, no one really understands why and he isn’t doing a great job of answering their questions. So this breakup is me losing 5 people (ex, his ex and the kids). She is happy to have me in the kids lives, but I can’t comprehend what that looks like just yet.
I have been writing a lot, both things I am feeling and things I want to say to him. I have a list of all the awesome things about our relationship, but I know I can’t actually share it with him…I think I would just feel pathetic and like I was groveling afterwards and I don’t know that it would actually do anything.
How’s everyone doing? Any one meeting the folks this Thanksgiving? I’m curious how the holidays are shaping up for everyone as I’m dreading ours lol. I typically host and last year we had MofV’s entire family up to eat with us as well and I just don’t know what to do this year. I typically have an open door policy/everyone is invited to Thanksgiving so I can’t really say everyone but his sister. Or I guess I could? I have no idea.
Haven’t spoken to future SIL since the blow up dinner in August but she made sure to send us a text letting us know that she got the save the date (yes she is still invited) and that we are adorable. Well, yeah, we are, thanks. But are we just going to pretend you didn’t call us terrible, horrible people that were ruining your life? Is this your way of apologizing? MofV and I are baffled and simply responded with a “Thanks” text.
Not sure what to make of it. So does anyone have any happy holiday relationship updates?
I say take the high road with MoV’s sister! Easier said than done, I’m sure, but she’s the kind of person I wouldn’t want to leave any room for her to say anything bad about me. Not that that has seemed to stop her, but still…
I had a great weekend with BG! On Saturday, we went to our city’s holiday market and yesterday we went to a new restaurant that opened here that specializes in a very specific dish that I haven’t been able to find since my family lived in Japan almost two decades ago.
Next weekend, we are doing a quadruple date with three of his college roommates and their wives. I’m excited. He has a lot of friends, but in the past few years, most have paired off, started families, and moved to the suburbs. It’s been hard for me to really get to know his friends because when I’ve met them, it’s mostly been at big gatherings. So I’m excited for a smaller group setting.
I’ll be heading to Florida to spend Thanksgiving with him, his mom, and his stepdad and am excited for a break in the cold weather. As I’m sure many of you have also experienced, it got really cold really early this year and I’ll be happy to read by the pool and relax for a couple days before work gets crazy for me in December.
ETA: I’m excited for Florida, but honestly feel kinda sad that I won’t be going home as I usually do. I don’t even particularly enjoy Thanksgiving with my family, but I feel a little sad notwithstanding!AngeNovember 18, 2019 at 7:04 pm #860207
We’re organising our Christmas. My brother asked my dad to watch his horses for him while they went to Perth for Christmas. My dad said yes which is nice and all but he’d be stuck on the farm by himself for Christmas and I don’t think that’s right at all (and I’m mad at my brother for asking). It’s only a few hours south of us so we’ll probably go do Christmas with my dad. I was looking forward to maybe doing a fancy lunch somewhere but it is what it is, I’ll muck out horse stalls instead lol.
Oh Ver, I’d want to take the high road too but that would only be if she were rational. After what she pulled in August, it makes sense if you don’t want to.
That all sounds fun @copa!
I’m Canadian so no Thanksgiving here. Definitely seems early this year though. Sort of like @copa I am still meeting my bf’s friends from high school who are out of town. He went on a guy’s trip this weekend and I made sure to get to his place before they dropped him off so I could meet one of them. Maybe that scored my some points.
My boyfriend invited me to his extended family’s Christmas gathering. I went last year. There are a lot of people but overall a fun group. Makes me kind of sad that in recent years my extended family don’t really celebrate Christmas together as people have their own families. My boyfriend hasn’t met my extended family yet due to timing, and I’d like him to at least meet my cousins. I might have to organize something myself heh. There will be a Chinese New Year thing next year which maybe he can attend.
Lastly our parents are meeting for the first time next weekend! Ahhh, haha. I hope it goes well. I like his parents. I hope my dad doesn’t say something silly heh. My mom is pretty good in these situations.KNovember 19, 2019 at 2:35 pm #860371
We’re going to my FIL’s for Thanksgiving, which is only about 25 minutes away. My mom already is all “So you’ll be with us for Christmas, right?” Christmas Eve is always at my mom’s though because my husband’s family doesn’t do anything on Christmas Eve. It’s small, just 5 of us, on the eve. And on Christmas I see different relatives than I do on Christmas Eve. But my husband likes seeing his niece and nephews open gifts, and I feel like it’s not really fair to ask him to come to be with my family after he was already with part of my family the night before. But I don’t want us to split to go to different places on Christmas now that we’re married. Unfortunately to see my family on Christmas is about a 1 hour 45 minute drive one way, so going to his dad’s which is 25 minutes away is much more appealing. And I see my family often for birthdays and such as it is, so I don’t feel like I have to be with them on the big holidays anymore. I’ll be seeing them twice within the next 3 weeks for birthday celebrations. I’m rambling now, but basically, I don’t like this time of year as an adult because of familial obligations imposed by my mom.FyodorNovember 20, 2019 at 8:20 am #860503
“Haven’t spoken to future SIL since the blow up dinner in August but she made sure to send us a text letting us know that she got the save the date (yes she is still invited) and that we are adorable. Well, yeah, we are, thanks. But are we just going to pretend you didn’t call us terrible, horrible people that were ruining your life? Is this your way of apologizing? MofV and I are baffled and simply responded with a “Thanks” text.”
I would consider accepting this as much of a peace offering as you are going to get and taking the high road and inviting her. You are going to be dealing with this lady for the rest of your life. Your kids will be cousins with hers. She sounds crazy but you are stuck with this relationship forever.
ugh ! SIL relationships are weird Veritek. As a SIL, i keep my distance from my brother’s wife.. she’s just not really my kind of people and makes zero effort with anyone in my family. So i can commiserate from the opposite side lol.
Anyhow! in dating news i matched with a guy who i met IRL (adult co-ed softball) about 6 months ago in my new city. We were acquaintances and i thought he was a cool guy, but nothing ever happened. Then i saw him on Bumble! I swiped right because why not and he did too. I was a little nervous sending the first message – you know how some people just swipe right on people they know IRL for a laugh. SO i was like, maybe it’s one of those situations! But we tentatively have a date tomorrow. He’s 4 years younger, so i’m not really sure what exactly he’s looking for.. As long as he’s up front and doesn’t play games, if he wants something casual fine, if he’s looking for something more serious, fine too. I’m nervous ! Fingers crossed it goes well.
I am also Canadian, so Thanksgiving came and went over a month ago now. I have my first family Christmas event next weekend, we spread them out over the month so we aren’t running to a million places over only 3 days.
I love the holidays, but am obviously sad to be spending them solo this year. We talked last Thursday night, which kind of got my hopes up again and we talked a bit about still going to work and friend holiday parties together. But I saw my counsellor yesterday, and I just have to keep reminding myself, he has identified that his need is to be solo right now and maybe date around a little bit, that isn’t a problem that I can help fix so he needs to do this alone. Otherwise I am just dangling here waiting for him to wake up and realize how good we have it. I said to him “you realize people sometimes date for years trying to find what we have with each other” and he said yes, that he agrees with all of that, but he just needs to figure out his journey right now.
So, to sum that up, holidays will be busy but solo, which will be sad but I know I will survive.
Regarding SIL’s – his sister is super awesome so I am sad not to have her in my life now 🙁 I honestly got really lucky with him.
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