Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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  • #874319 Reply

    It’d make me happy in the way @veritek described. I think it’s nice that his family is excited about me — and not just because it’s flattering to be liked, I assume it’s a nice feeling for him, too. My aunt greeting him enthusiastically made me happy. It’s a bit of a bummer to see that kind of warmth in others that I don’t see or feel with my nuclear family.

    #874322 Reply

    Yeah… but it sounds like that’s how your family just is, as opposed to being something about him. I get it, I look at other people’s families sometimes and wish I had some of what they have.

    My parents do always tell my husband they love him and that he’s a good man and they like that he takes care of me… probably took a little while to get there though. Also, they live in the same city so it’s easy to spend time together. If you’re more distance, it’s harder for them to see how you two are day to day, but they’ll get there.

    #874325 Reply

    Yeah, it’s just how they are. I told my therapist recently that I don’t think of myself as someone who needs much external validation, I’ve never cared before if my family likes my boyfriend. But as things get more serious and we start talking about next steps like moving in and marriage, I do find myself increasingly feeling like… man, it’d be nice to hear my parents say just once that they think he’s a good guy. They don’t live near us, but my aunt only spent one meal with him and still pulled me aside for a genuine, “He seems so nice, I really like him!”

    As an aside, I caught an interview with Jessica Simpson recently where she said that at her first wedding, her dad reminded her that she could still back out a few minutes before they were supposed to walk down the aisle. Not great timing, but I did think to myself that it was nice he cared enough to be vocal, even if that’s prooobably not what you want your dad to say to you before he walks you down the aisle.

    #874372 Reply

    Reminds me of season one episode one of the Marvelous Mrs Maisel where Midges Dad tells her how he warned her about Joel before they got married. He ‘told’ her by asking if she thought he was the right guy (he tries to say that was him warning her he was ‘weak’). She of course is infuriated because he didn’t warn her, just asked her if she thought he was right for her.

    I want someone who my parents can relate to, not so much ‘approve’ of. Despite not being close in proximity to my folks, and most likely going to be distant for the near future, it is just a small familial thing I would like. I value my family time when I visit, and to have a partner who can relate or get along with my family is a bonus that would allow for a different relationship dynamic to develop. Although none of my dating or relationships have been based upon that train of thought. But once it get serious I always wonder if my parents and siblings would take to them.

    #874412 Reply

    I don’t think I’ve ever heard my parents say that they think my boyfriend is a good guy. I have noticed that they are inviting us over for a casual dinner. My mom also recently told me to invite my boyfriend to my dad’s birthday meal without me asking. So these things to me say they like him. I think you’re normal to want your family to be enthusiastic, copa; it may just be them and the distance.

    Also as you might remember, when I first started dating my boyfriend I had sone doubts, which I still feel a little guilty about, and so I know my mom didn’t want to influence me. Not that that applies to you at all, copa.

    #874413 Reply

    @Copa, my dad said exactly that to me the first time I got married, when we were about to walk down the aisle. Dads say that when they know it’s not a good idea but are letting you live your life. It just means your dad’s a nice guy looking out for you.

    I do value my dad’s opinion though and am glad he’s vocal about liking my husband. I think it may develop for your family over time.

    #874414 Reply

    My boyfriend is the only guy I’ve ever dated that my parents have genuinely liked. My mom straight out loves him and has told us so many times. If we were to break up, she’d probably take his side. I was worried that my dad wouldn’t warm up to him because he worked a low-paying job for the longest time, but my guy’s personality (and his ability to fix my dad’s tech gadgets) won him over. It’s a tremendous relief. I don’t need their approval per se, but it’s just easier when everyone gets along.

    As for dates, my birthday is Sunday and we’re going to this super fancy Italian place that despite being very close to our apartment, we’ve never been to because it’s a tad on the pricey side. The reviews for it are incredible, though, so I’m looking forward. Plus, a couple of good friends of mine are taking me to brunch. That might not be a date in the romantic sense, but I love a good brunch.

    #874418 Reply

    Heh, @hfantods, my mom has been VERY VOCAL about not liking my exes. With my second LTR, I knew she didn’t approve and I remember her telling me at one point, “I hope you know what you’re doing.” Which wasn’t helpful and I actually fear she’d say something like that when I tell her I’m engaged. My sister has a “faux-beau” who has visited home with her, so he’s met my parents, and my mom is outrageously negative about him every chance she gets. Her silence may actually be approval. My parents’ marriage was bad and very sad, they finally divorced like two years ago… my mom is really bitter and I think the entire experience colors her perception of relationships. The outright negativity can be difficult to deal with even when I understand why it’s there.

    Happy birthday, @Allornone. I hope you enjoy your dinner and brunch!

    #874684 Reply

    So, I decided to start online dating again, downloaded Tinder and went on three dates in a span of two weeks. Actually felt really good to be out there.
    But then this week I had a routine check up with my gyno and found out I have HPV, which is pretty common nowadays, I know, but still is something that you don’t want. I have a lesion and don’t know if its high risk or not.
    Anyways, there goes my confidence and my willingness to put myself out there again. I shut down Tinder and will be back to my den again.

    #874686 Reply

    Oh come on, Ale. I have HPV too. Pretty sure I got it from the one time I had unprotected sex with someone new. I also had a bump, and they burned it off with like acid or whatever. Never got another one.

    Yeah it’s not a good feeling to have HPV, but many/most of us who are too old to have the vaccine have it. This is not a reason to stay isolated and not date. What’s the point of that? At least ask your doctor about the facts and risks before deciding to never date again.

    #874688 Reply

    And THEN! Yesterday I had a business meeting sitting across the table from the guy I hooked up with a few times and think I got HPV from. Now that I remember, I had texted him to tell him I had it and he might wanna get checked.

    My business partner and I are trying to sell our technology to his company. We shook hands and he’s like, “Kate, always great to see you.” I just had to laugh to myself, like how ridiculous is this. There’s a part in our sales presentation where we talk about the subconscious and how we don’t want to go there because it’s stuff like shameful experiences. I swear we both glanced at each other like hahaha.

    #874689 Reply

    I’ve had HPV too. A handful of my friends have had it as well. Like Kate said, we were all too old to get the vaccine. As long as it’s found early, it’s really no big deal.

    I don’t think it’s a reason to swear off dating.

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