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Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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  • #903583 Reply
    Miss MJMiss MJ
    Participant

    Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy and that your SIL is continuing to be a pain in the ass. I think your inclination to just avoid her is correct since she’s never going to be the kind of SIL you’d want to have. And, unless there is a vaccine, there’s no way I’d go to *Disney World* for a *wedding* – that’s just bananas at this point. Also, not for nothing, but I’d probably be wary of getting the vaccine while pregnant, even if there is one, since I doubt they’ll have time to do a rigorous study on how it effects pregnant women and fetuses by April. All of which is to say that your SIL may just have to deal with the fact that you’re not going to her wedding.

    As for fun celebration ideas: if the weather holds, what about a picnic? You could get food to go and go to a park or waterfront and enjoy the day socially distant without being at home. Or, if there’s a place to rent a boat for the day nearby, that’d get you doing something different, but still be away from crowds of people.

    #903584 Reply
    avatarktfran
    Participant

    I always forget this thread started right after my first date with the husband. Our first date was five years ago on the 19th. We’ll be married three years in Sept.

    Thank you again ver for starting this thread. It was a godsend. And thank you Wendy for hosting.

    And ver, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Sending you good thoughts and a hug.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by avatarktfran.
    #903588 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    Very sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy and that you have to bear that grief on top of everything else that is happening.

    WRT the sister in law no one is in any position to make commitments to (A) Get on an airplane to go to (B) a public gathering at this stage. It’s a completely ridiculous request. There is also a very real chance that either the airline or disney world will go out of business and Also, if you think that there’s some chance that you’ll be pregnant that adds another layer to it.

    #903589 Reply
    veritek33veritek33
    Participant

    Thank you for the kind words about the pregnancy. It wasn’t meant to be and we only had a positive for less than 24 hours, but it still hurt.

    Our local theater is doing streaming of independent films and the John Lewis documentary is available on Sunday so we might stream that from home in the air conditioning. A picnic does sound lovely though.

    #903590 Reply
    MoneypennyMoneypenny
    Participant

    Sigh, Veritek, I’ve said it before I think, but your SIL is being so ridiculous and is so out of touch. Does your husband correct her when she says things like that about you? I’d be so sick of her bs victimhood, I’d call her out if I were him. (If I were you I’d be doing just what you’re doing- staying out of it!) On top of that, it doesn’t make ANY sense to be making plans right now for anything!
    I’m really sorry as well about your chemical pregnancy. I’m sending you a hug!

    #903594 Reply
    veritek33veritek33
    Participant

    @MPenny You’re not wrong. She is out of touch and ridiculous. Apparently my in-laws asked her to consider just having a ceremony here or in her fiancée’s home state and then we can all go on a big Disney vacation when C19 dies down to a comfortable level. She then had a screaming match with them about being unsupportive. Because her brother and I having to compromise our wedding is fine, but her having to do it is out of the question. Their cousins have also compromised their panned September and November weddings but she is refusing to do so.

    She keeps saying “at least veritek got a wedding” but we didn’t actually. We had a ceremony in a back yard and we had lasagna thrown together in 72 hours. And the fact that she got to be there and not my best friend in the world who I stood next to on her wedding day, is something that’s going to bother me for a long time.

    And to answer your other question – no, my husband does not correct her. And that’s one of the few things we argue about in our relationship. He’s so used to her BS that he tunes it out and really doesn’t notice it until I point it out. It was a long night in our house after his phone call with her when he didn’t defend me or call her out on her behavior. I’ve told him that if he can’t defend me to her or stand up for our family, I won’t be spending time with her anymore. He can go see her and visit as much as he’d like, but I won’t be joining. Which is apparently how his mom finally had to handle his aunts that were not kind to her for a long time. It’s a fun family tradition.

    #903599 Reply
    MoneypennyMoneypenny
    Participant

    Oof, she sounds like someone I’d want to avoid for sure. Frankly, if I were to have a screaming match with my parents and call them unsupportive, I know my mother would slap me across the face. I know it’s easier said than done to stand up to someone who is being a bully, especially within your own family- because that’s what she is, a bully- but this is so dysfunctional. Staying away is probably all you can do, until she starts yelling at you to your face, and then I’d say you’re within your rights to yell back. 😛

    #903601 Reply
    MoneypennyMoneypenny
    Participant

    I also was re-reading the first few pages of this thread and, wow, I went on a lot of bad/weird dates in 2015-2016! Thankfully one of them worked out, ha. I’m glad to have this place with you all.

    #903603 Reply
    CopaCopa
    Participant

    Happy thread-iversary! I missed the first few years of this thread but safe to say I was going on bad dates with the rest of you. Honestly seems pretty weird still that I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for two years. It’s flown by.

    @veritek I’m sorry to hear about your pregnancy and hope you are doing ok. Your SIL sounds like a nutcase, as usual. A screaming match with her parents sounds like something a spoiled 13-year-old would do, not a woman who is old enough to be getting married. I can’t recall her age, but isn’t she like 30 or something!? Ridiculous. I’d probably avoid her, too. She’s also the only person I’ve heard of to act like a global pandemic is only affecting her in this way. Literally everyone else I know whose big plans were put on pause or had to be seriously altered — and there are quite a few of those people at this point — have been pretty disappointed, sure, but they’ve all handled it like adults. Even with a bit of humor in most cases!

    And happy anniversary! A lot of our at-home date nights are cooking (now that it’s warm, grilling) and boozing these days since we’re still spending quite a lot of time at home. He has a backyard, so we’ll do dinner out back on nice nights. I’ve mentioned this on the COVID thread, but in maybe early April, we got a book called How to Cocktail and have had fun making our own cocktails. This weekend we’re hoping to do a long bike ride.

    Brief relationship update on my end. My boyfriend now seems pretty set on selling his condo in the next couple months. We haven’t decided our own next step — he might buy something new that gives us more space or we might rent. We’re actually going to look at a couple condos with his old realtor tonight. But everything is up in the air at this point so it’s looking like I’ll be signing another shorter-term lease on my place. And I’m okay with that. When it hit me that I’m not going back to the office anytime soon, I got nervous about giving up my place. We’ve had relatively few issues spending as much time together as we have the past few months, but it’s been nice to have my place to go back to if one of us wants a little solo time. And talking to friends who haven’t had that option at all, I’m grateful for it.

    How’s everyone else? @Moneypenny? @hfantods? @TheHizzy are you still around!? …@MissDre!?

    #903607 Reply
    avatarAnge
    Guest

    I see this a lot where people seem to think that just because you join a family you’re obligated to become friends with all the members in it. It’s always baffled me, you pick your partner not the rest of them. I’m in some relationship groups on FB and these women (it’s always women because we always get stuck with the shit jobs) have multi year long lists of grievances against their husband’s insane family but continue to put in the time to call and text and visit and I’m like, nah. She doesn’t deserve you as a friend and you don’t deserve to put up with a bunch of shit just because you happened to marry a bloke. If your husband can’t go in to bat for you he can at least refuse to let them talk shit about you, I don’t think that’s fair at all.

    #903611 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    I’m sorry for your loss, Veritek. Your SIL is out of order and it’s disappointing to me that her family enables her to behave so badly. I am sorry you have to deal with her shit.

    #903668 Reply
    veritek33veritek33
    Participant

    @ange I have the exact same opinion. Let’s take out of the equation all the bullshit about the engagement and the weddings – my husband has told me part of the reason he loves me is because I’m NOTHING like his sister. She’s very into Disney and boy bands and makeup and shopping, she doesn’t have any close friends – which is FINE. But I’m more into CrossFit and home improvement projects and baking and wine with friends. Literally the only thing we have in common is that we both love her brother. And I was okay with that. I think we can have a decent relationship without being BFFS. But only if she can let some stuff go.

    One of my exes had the greatest sisters. They were amazing. We got along so great and I think part of why I stayed in that relationship for so long was because I didn’t want to say good bye to his family. But not all families are going to mesh perfectly. I was okay with being her sister in law and being friendly but not being bffs. I have people that play that role for me.

    @Copa happy house hunting! I always enjoyed looking and dreaming when I was buying houses. But if you get to keep your old place and have some quiet time I think that’s great too. It would be nice to have that option from time to time.

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