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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Anyone going on awesome dates?

  • This topic has 10,866 replies, 95 voices, and was last updated 1 day, 7 hours ago by yeseniajq69.
Viewing 12 posts - 10,681 through 10,692 (of 10,867 total)
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  • #1102149 Reply
    TheLadyE
    Guest

    Thank you @Kate, what you’re saying makes a lot of sense.

    My skincare routine is exactly what you outlined, except I don’t do retinol or any serums. I need to, but I get totally overwhelmed reading reviews at Ulta and I give up. I do take all my makeup off and wash my face thoroughly every night before moisturizer, and use toner every day as well as SPF.

    As a fair redhead, I do have a couple “spots,” large freckles/sun spots, on my face that I would love to have removed. I don’t have 11s yet or eye crinkles.

    I think I’m nervous about it because, ultimately, I’m not where I thought I would be at almost 40. I’m still dating (or trying to). I’m probably 5 years behind in my career where I should be because, largely, of graduating into the first recession in 2007. Apparently age discrimination in the workplace starts at 40. Damn! I finally feel like I slightly know what I’m doing at work, and I’m about to be discriminated against because of age? Wtf.

    I do think the way we dress signals a lot, too. A (HORRIBLE) woman I had as a boss in my last company dressed probably 5-10 years older than I did, and I thought she was in her mid-40s to my mid-30s, but turns out she was only 2 years older. I was shocked to find that out. Although, being a heinous bitch may have prematurely aged her too, heh. (And I don’t say that lightly; still in therapy for how she treated me.)

    #1102150 Reply
    ktfran
    Participant

    @Rangerchic, I do have sensitive skin and I use a retinol cream at night. Exactly as @kate mentioned, I started with a low % cream 2-3 times a week and now I’m up to about 5 times a week. I use Obagi Retinal 0.5, although I finally bought the 1.0 and am going down from 5 times a week to 2-3 again while I adjust to the higher %, if that makes sense?

    I’ve heard good things about The Ordinary and wouldn’t mind trying their products sometime.

    #1102155 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    @TheLadyE, you could just get literally Olay Vitamin C+Peptide serum and ROC retinol serum at CVS, those are fine. They go on after toner and before moisturizer.

    LaRoche Posay has a dark spot serum in a little glass bottle with a dropper that 100% got rid of this flat, light brown, raised patch of something that was under my eyebrow for a couple years.

    But those C and Retinol serums also fade sun damage, turn over dead skin cells, brighten, and reduce fine lines, all kinds of things.

    #1102162 Reply
    TheLadyE
    Guest

    Oooo thank you Kate!! I will look into both of those. I come from a family where my mother uses Lubriderm body lotion on her face at night. Heh. I had to teach her how to use makeup brushes for her makeup, and even now she mostly uses her fingers.

    #1102163 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yikes. My mom worked a corporate job, and I feel like we were always at the mall when I was a kid, so she could try on work clothes at Talbots and Filenes. She would get Clinique and Estée Lauder makeup and skin care at the department stores. So I grew up seeing someone apply moisturizers and makeup and blow dry her hair every morning.

    That could be why I’m like this. But she has a lot of interests and hobbies and talents that I don’t have at all, like food and gardening and decorating and sewing and piano, so idk. I just got the genes where you eat a corporate shit sandwich and put on blush every day.

    #1102168 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    I use The Ordinary’s hyaluronic acid serum at night and like it. It was under $10, a price point I was happily surprised by, and my little bottle has lasted a good, long while. I’d definitely try other products.


    @TheLadyE
    I’m sorry you feel so down on where you are in life right now. I’ve been there. Try not to compare yourself to others (if this is something you are doing). And if you do get discriminated against because you’re “old,” well… there are laws for that. You also don’t need to be doing anything specific when it comes to skincare (except, I’d argue, sunscreen), especially if it just adds more stress to your life. Or you can do what I’ve done over the years which is to integrate just one thing into your routine at a time (also a great way to make sure your skin doesn’t freak out). If it helps, here’s Dr. Shereene’s link to retinol for beginners: https://www.pillowtalkderm.com/shop-my-shelf/.

    #1102169 Reply
    TheLadyE
    Guest

    I mean, my mom had a long career in public schools as a teacher and counselor and she always dressed well for the town/environment she was in (meaning, for example, JCPenney petites separates), but she came from a more modest household and her mother used…maybe Mary Kay? Maybe not? I don’t even really remember. I think she did use some makeup (“rouge” perhaps) but very little. It was more about frugality than anything else. Now, since she had two daughters starting with me, my mom uses Tarte, Lancome, Bare Minerals, etc…now. Lol.

    I put all the products you recommended in my Ulta cart last night!

    And Copa, it’s really more along the lines of I thought I would be, well, married or at least partnered at this point, and for various and sundry reasons I’d like to be further in my career (need to buy a house with a yard for my furkids). Generally speaking I’m fairly content with where I am, and definitely was before the pandemic, and I am incredibly happy with and grateful for my job and career progression…but there’s definitely some work that needs to be done after basically staying stagnant for 2 years, ugh.

    #1102172 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    Eh, my mom was never into these things, but I am. Granted, it started as an attempt to find skincare that helped alleviate some side effects of the bajillion acne treatments I tried in my youth and makeup to help me even things out. But everyone is different. My sister wears makeup, too, but I don’t think she’d say she’s into it, her only goal is to look a bit put together for work. Not everyone thinks skincare/makeup is important, or they just have whatever routine/products work for them and that’s a-okay. It’s really more about everyone finding out what works for them and makes them feel confident. I have a friend who used to wear really bright, wacky colored eyeliners. Not a look or routine for me, her mom used to tell her it looked bad, but if she likes it and that’s what makes her feel good, I say have at it.

    #1102178 Reply
    Rangerchic
    Participant

    Thanks for the recs on the retinols. I just added a new serum to my routine so I’m going to wait about 2-3 weeks before adding yet one more thing. I’m trying to be better about washing my face every night…and I am better but I still miss some nights.

    Y’all I don’t even remember if my mom wore makeup to work. I know she doesn’t now. I’m not sure she did then, or maybe very little of it. There are four of us kids and there was always so much to do that I don’t think she took the time to do that.

    @Copa – when i was in junior high I do remember wearing brightly colored eye shadows, liners and such with the huge bangs that took a can of hair spray to hold. This would have been the late 80’s. Looking back, it was aghast. But we didn’t know that then and we all had a good time with it 🙂

    #1102179 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    Oh yeah! I definitely remember wearing eye shadow colors in HS that I’d never wear now. And in HS and into college, we all heavily rimmed our eyes with black eyeliner and had thin eyebrows and very glossy lips. It was trendy, we all thought we looked great! I finally learned how to do makeup watching YouTube videos, probably in my early 20s around 2010-ish, but have learned on TikTok how the kids are now applying makeup, though I don’t really care, trends like those feathery eyebrows or highlighted nose tip just aren’t for me. I think I look good the way I pull myself together, it helps me feel like I’m putting my best foot forward and that’s the whole point!

    #1102180 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    Oh, also a dating-related update that’s not really an update, but: The boyfriend and I made an appointment at Tiffany to look at rings next month after our trip. This is not where I’d want to buy anything and I’m increasingly thinking I’d be a lab diamond kinda person, but a friend and her fiance went while they were looking at rings and said it was fun and includes champagne. So mostly going for the novelty of it all. And the bubbly.

    #1102181 Reply
    ktfran
    Participant

    How fun @copa! When I was engaged the first time, my aunt and I browsed the rings at Tiffany’s. I knew it wasn’t going to be purchased there, but I wanted to see what I liked. My ex and his dad went to a diamond dealer in Miami, picked out the diamonds and had the ring made.

    I didn’t want a second engagement ring, so the husband bought me diamond earrings. Again, he used a diamond dealer, I think this one was in TX. He went to diamond dealers here to look, but most discouraged him from getting high quality diamonds for earrings. Dude, do you not like money?? Idiots.

    • This reply was modified 4 months ago by ktfran.
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