Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › DW Community Catch-up Thread (Formerly ‘Anyone going on awesome dates?’)
Tagged: I HAQ
- This topic has 11,342 replies, 97 voices, and was last updated 13 hours, 31 minutes ago by Ange.
And additionally, I think Kate and other Wise Ones were saying – men who only text after 12am are generally pervs. Or words of similar meaning, yet more eloquently put.
Totally agree, if he’s texting you in the middle of the night, that’s not a good sign.kareGuest
Well not a good sign if you want a relationship. Actually not a good sign for a booty call either since he’s so far away…TheLadyEGuest
Hey everyone! Thanks for asking about my date!
Lion Tamer & I have had a wonderful, very good – and also very deep – weekend together. Friday night we went out to a bar I wanted to go to, sat in a corner together and I drank bourbon and he drank beer and we listened to the live music and talked and laughed until about 1am. It was a lot of fun. He’s opening up a lot more to me and also being really cheeky and funny, and it’s great. He also compliments me a lot and tells me how much he likes me. I’ve never been with a man who is so open about his feelings – it’s really great!
Yesterday we went hiking in a state park near my house, and then went for dinner at a burger joint near my best friend’s apartment and she actually came over and hung out with us. (She had texted me during the hike to see what I was doing and he said we could all have dinner together.) He got a little shy around her but she liked him. 🙂 Then we went for frozen yogurt after dinner and went back to my house.
Back at my house…we had a very long and deep conversation about our relationship. I think I’ve mentioned before that we are both Christians, yes? There’s a bit more to it than this, but essentially he told me that he only wants to kiss when we are ready to commit to an exclusive relationship because he takes it seriously.
However…we both agreed that we like each other a lot and we have all the really important things in common and we both think this could really be good. He says he is “scared shitless” about how good it could be, in fact. I’m not explaining it well but it was really awesome. We communicate really well together and he’s doing a lot of work on himself to be a good communicator and be healthy himself and then in a relationship. We talked a little bit about exclusivity and he said that he had gone on a couple of dates with other girls in the time we’ve known each other but he hasn’t connected with anyone like he connects with me. He has been on OKCupid for the past 3-4 months or so (the first time he has dated since his breakup a couple of years ago) and has gone out with several different girls, and he said it was good for him to kind of date around for awhile, but he thinks he is done with that now and…yeah, wants to be with me. It’s crazy to me that I can even type that!
He shared a LOT with me about his past & things he is working on, and most of it I can’t share here out of respect for his privacy, but I am really honored and…I’m scared too, in a good way I think, because this looks like it could be really something.
Then we just curled up on my couch and held each other for something like 4 hours, til early in the morning. We exercised a lot of restraint because we both wanted to kiss (ahem, and more) soooo much but we didn’t.
He is going to NYC this week and will take some time and reflect, and from what I can tell, when he gets back he will (maybe, probably, I hope, I think) ask me to be in an exclusive relationship with him.
I actually went to church with him today too, even though we only got about 4 hours of sleep from last night. When I walked in, in a red lace dress and black boots, he said that I “took his breath away” and he got all nervous because he thought I was so pretty. I’m almost 33 years old and no man has ever said that to me. We had lunch together after church and talked about the service and then said goodbye for the week (he works this afternoon/evening). He told me he would check in with me to let me know he’s safe, but I wanted to give him his space to enjoy NYC so I won’t be talking to him much this week and I’m going to take this time to reflect too.
I know this probably seems really nebulous because I can’t talk about a lot of the details but it is very, very good. We both want to do this right because we see the potential, and I know a lot of our restraint sounds a bit strange, but for our circumstances it is the right way to do it. I’m just really happy with how much he seems to trust me and how well we are communicating already.AngeGuest
But is it the right way or are you just going along with it because it’s what he wants? You were pretty keen for kissing before this date….LadyinPurpleNotRedParticipant
@Ange, I was wondering the same thing. She was all about getting the kiss this weekend on the hike and then now she can wait for a little bit? Seems a little off and like you are trying to please him, while sacrificing your needs and wants.TheLadyEGuest
I know it seems that way but to be honest I am fine with it and I agree with him. Like I said there’s more to it than I can share here but I am absolutely fine with it and really excited about where things are going. 🙂KateGuest
TheLadyE, even without knowing your backstory I’d think, yeah…this sounds destined to be a lot of talk and no action. Something is off here and it’s not just that you’re moving at a slower pace than all us heathens. We understand moving cautiously. We understand about Christians and waiting until marriage for sex. A prolific former poster taught us all about that. I’m gonna call it – this guy is wackadoo. Telling you about the dates he’s going on isn’t his sweet way of opening up to you. It’s really tactless and tacky. His behavior about money sounds like a huge red flag. And knowing you have a pattern of choosing men who avoid physical intimacy to extremes… This just sounds like more of the same. Where is a nice, fairly normal, well adjusted guy who isn’t perfect but isn’t full of weird excuses and doesn’t just tell you you’re pretty but actually wants to make out with you? He’s out there. This one is going to hurt you, I just hope not badly.veracitybGuest
:/ Kate may be right, TheLadyE. I’m quite a romantic and an optimist, so I’m hoping not, but.. there’s a sort of undeniable pattern here..TheLadyEGuest
I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense so I appreciate what you’re saying but there is so much more that I can share on here. I asked him if he was seeing other people, that’s why he told me. We hadn’t talked about it, and to be honest, another guy asked me out on OKCupid this week and I wanted to know what he was thinking in that regard. (Now that other guy hasn’t responded to me so it may be a moot point anyway, but I did ask Lion Tamer, he didn’t volunteer it – and that is why.)
And he absolutely does want to make out with me…I have no doubt about that. Like I said, there’s some things I either can’t share or that I want to keep private. 🙂
It’s tough sometimes to show a clear picture here because there are lots of details I either can’t share or obviously I’m not sharing very well, I guess. Maybe I’m not giving the right context or explaining enough of the backstory. Anyway, he might hurt me (or I might hurt him) – there’s always that risk in dating – but this is not like other guys I have referenced here. Unless I am blind and deaf and stupid (which, maybe I am – but I really don’t think so about this one), he really does like me and does want to be with me.
And I would never say anyone else is a heathen. Let me just put that right out there. (I know you weren’t saying I am saying that, Kate, but I want to get that on the record just to be sure.) It’s a choice I/we are making – and we may change our choice, to be honest! – but I would never presume to judge anyone else for their choices. I just want to be clear on that. 🙂KateGuest
All right, and this is a safe place and I know you’re going to see this through, and no one is going to say “I told you so.”veracitybGuest
Fingers crossed, TheLadyE. I’m having the opposite problem and am wishing some of the people I meet up with/are messaged by were somewhat more restrained. It’s so offputting when men try to put sex on the table so early into getting to know you. I’m curious, would you guys consider that a red flag?