DW Community Catch-up Thread

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  • LisforLeslie
    January 12, 2024 at 1:24 pm #1127581

    @Copa – that second job… listen to all of the warning signs, don’t ignore those red flags. Reality is likely much worse than “tough environment”. Interviews are like first dates, you don’t put all the crazy on the table, so if they are willing to give you that insight… it’s likely much worse.

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    LisforLeslie
    January 12, 2024 at 1:24 pm #1127582

    @Copa – that second job… listen to all of the warning signs, don’t ignore those red flags. Reality is likely much worse than “tough environment”. Interviews are like first dates, you don’t put all the crazy on the table, so if they are willing to give you that insight… it’s likely much worse.

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    January 12, 2024 at 8:14 pm #1127585

    Yeaaah, if they do pop back up with an offer, I’d decline. I appreciated the candor, but that was the point at which I went from feeling like it was a great opportunity to feeling like I was getting interview experience for the next interview opportunity. I’d rather stay put!

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    Kate
    January 13, 2024 at 8:37 am #1127590

    I took a job once with a bad commute and it was miserable. This was after I had been laid off, a former co-worker got me in, and it sounded good on paper. But omg, I was trying to get from just north to just south of Boston… probably 3.5 miles? Maybe 5 tops? But it was excruciating. The highway would be absolutely jammed and Waze would send me through all these tiny back streets in Cambridge where in the winter in the dark I was terrified of hitting a cyclist or pedestrian. It regularly took 45 minutes, sometimes longer. Would never do it again. After a year we moved and I was able to take a bus instead of drive. That was way better, the bus was full of drama.

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    January 13, 2024 at 8:48 am #1127592

    Hi, everyone! I’ve been absent this week because of a medical emergency I wrote about here, if you missed it:
    https://dearwendy.com/weekend-open-thread/

    Hope everyone who has been sick is feeling better. There is SO MUCH going around right now. The ER we went to was just absolutely jam-packed with sick people (and nowhere near enough space/gurney/beds/chairs for everyone). I feel like if more people saw what’s going on in hospitals right now, maybe offices and schools and such wouldn’t be so cavalier about illness and would support people staying home and resting when they are sick. Relatedly, I have been hearing more sirens in my part of Brooklyn than I have since 2020.

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    Kate
    January 13, 2024 at 8:49 am #1127593

    And yeah, if people are actually saying tough environment and micromanaging managers, the reality is probably hell. I would not even say that and my manager was recently under investigation by HR and is someone who was described to me before I took the job as “neurotic and controlling” by literally the nicest person I know.

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    January 13, 2024 at 1:08 pm #1127594

    For those of you who may remember the clusterfuck that turned out to be my last company, where I was accused of bullying after I sent a junior employee an email asking her to speak up if she needed more time or guidance to complete assignments after she missed a deadline, that was a job where I feel like the interviewers were professionally and politely talking around the chaotic environment and absolutely astonishing turnover. And I could tell! But I was excited to get an offer and more money, and they did a good job of hyping up the good (there was some). Lesson learned the hard way. I’ve heard enough messed up stories about other people’s companies that I’m often like, “Yeah, I’ll just stick it out in my underwhelming but relaxed job.” I don’t miss having an angry manager who walked around with a baseball bat.

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    January 13, 2024 at 1:38 pm #1127595

    That’s such bullshit, because I had a direct report struggling big time with time management and deadlines. My boss told me to go to HR (do NOT ever do that btw), and our HR business partner was like, “uh, you need to be really prescriptive, and you need to put meetings on his calendar to check in.” Like if I told him to do something I had to be super clear when it needed to be done, and proactively, myself, set up meetings to review the drafts. It’s not bullying to tell someone they need to work on their time management. If you implied they were mentally slow, or lazy due to race or something, that’s obviously harassment. Or there are other things you could say that might be mean but not harassment and might fit into a pattern of bullying or hostile workplace. But asking someone to speak up if they need more time is normal coaching, what managers are expected to do.

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    January 13, 2024 at 11:07 pm #1127596

    Off work topic.

    My birthday is tomorrow. Last night, I invited my friends to meet up for sushi and to celebrate. Everyone but one made it, including two from the burbs. Weather has the excuse. Fair. It’s shitty weather. But I feel tonight is objectively worse than last night and she’s posting about a night out with a different friend.

    Like, if you’re gonna cancel, don’t post.

    Sorry. Needed to vent. I was about to send something passive aggressive but I think I’ll send a text tomorrow after I cool down.

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    January 14, 2024 at 10:46 am #1127607

    Happy birthday, @ktfran! I would be annoyed and my feelings hurt if a friend did that to me, too. I had something similar happen last summer and ultimately chose not to say anything. And yeah, Friday night was not great, but it was just cold and dreary… by evening, the rain/wintry mix had stopped in any case. Yesterday was worse with the temps dropping, and today is miserable temp-wise. My fingers went numb taking the dogs around the block in the morning despite wearing two pairs of gloves. I hope your sushi celebration was a blast notwithstanding.

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    January 14, 2024 at 12:07 pm #1127608

    Thanks Copa. The only reason I might say something is it happened it the fall too. We had brunch plans on a Saturday. She canceled because she was sick. But was posting the next day while out with friends. Time to reassess that friendship!

    The sushi was delish. And last night the husband took me to Perilla, a place I’ve been wanting to try. It was so good. And the waitstaff was so nice. Definitely going back. We do have some kimchi fried rice and scallion pancakes left over!!

    I’m making soup tonight so might venture to the pastry shop across the street for a baguette. This cold is yikes though. Two pairs of gloves and still that cold. Eek!

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    January 14, 2024 at 12:26 pm #1127609

    Yes, the exact reason I did not say anything to this friend is because it was a one-time offense. And she didn’t post to social media, but when I had reached out to confirm plans with the group she said nothing either way and didn’t show (though after the no response, I was not expecting her to even though I know she had purchased a ticket to what we were planning). I decided to give some grace. If it happens again/becomes a recurring thing, I’d stop making the effort.

    My gloves are thin to make picking up after dogs easier (I thought I’d be happier if I didn’t have to take my hand out of gloves entirely but now will prob wear the bf’s skiing gloves as my second pair), but all I could think about this morning was the guy I routinely see asleep outside a vacant store front. He was there as recently as Friday. It sucks to be outside even with access to appropriate winter clothes!

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DW Community Catch-up Thread

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