Are these legit reasons to walk away or am I overthinking?

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  • Bree
    October 2, 2022 at 9:56 am #1116309

    So I’ve been talking to this guy for some months.
    There are somethings about him that I’m not sure if they are too bad or am I overthinking.

    1. Guaranteed we are not official, but we talk everyday and do couple stuff. We have talked about not seeing other people and possibly getting official, however I found out he slept with two different girls and possibly more . I’m not sure if he did these before we talked about not seeing other people.

    2. He told me he watches porn everyday, I’m not judging but everyday seems to be addiction.
    I also once told him how the porn industry enables trafficking and what not and he said the ladies choose to do it.
    He also said he watches to help them get money, but said he was just joking.

    3. He also follows alot of girls on instagram, and follows explicit pages on Tiktok. When I asked about the pages he follows on TikTok he said it’s nothing and he and his friends just send the videos back and forth. Proceeds to get defensive about it and said I was being judgemental.

    4. He doesn’t go down on me unless I’m completely shaved.

    5. He lied about the state of his ex relationship when we first met but later confessed the real truth.

    6. Noticed he likes alot of girls on bikini photos but told me once he thinks it’s just too much and he doesn’t think he ‘d let his girl post such.

    There are also some other things, like make a bad joke and I get mad and he says it’s just a joke and that I get mad too quickly and we are always arguing.

    He is also judgemental sometimes about what ladies wear, how they look and stuff like that.

    I once did my nails and hair but did a long road trip so it all got messed up and he told me they don’t look nice and asked if I went to the cheapest place. I actually went ahead to explain that they looked good but somehow messed up on my trip.

    He also always asks me if what I am wearing is real or fake, most of them are not even fake just maybe not too expensive but that kinda makes me feel like I’m not on his league since I just left school and still searching for a job so I don’t make alot but he is working.
    Though I’m 3 years older than he is.

    These are somethings I have seen so far, I have mixed feelings as some of them are probably not bad or he probably doesn’t mean them in a bad way and maybe they are.
    I’d love to hear your views.
    Do I run or is this something I can work through?

    October 2, 2022 at 11:07 am #1116310

    MOA. It’s not a foul if he had sex with another woman before you and he were official/exclusive, but from all you write he doesn’t seem ready to be exclusive and seems a bit immature and controlling. If you have to overlook so many things and make so many excuses for his behavior, then you simply aren’t a good match. If you have problems with him ‘as is’, then don’t expect change. His defensiveness and excuses for everything you are concerned about say loud and clear that he isn’t about to change.

    October 2, 2022 at 12:24 pm #1116314

    What do you like about him?

    October 2, 2022 at 12:25 pm #1116315

    Just to be clear , the stuff on here definitely sounds break up worthy, but it’s especially telling that there doesn’t seem to be anything good about the relationship.

    October 2, 2022 at 12:49 pm #1116316

    And to add that he took me on a trip and made me pay half the time but he was the person who invited me.

    But to answer what I like about him.
    Honestly thinking about it, not alot.
    I think the most outstanding thing is the fact that he tries to text and call me often, send me funny videos and pictures throughout the day. We also do have some really good conversations. He is also a good listener sometimes and tries to be supportive.
    But these are really just the bare minimum anyone should be doing to anyone they say they like and want to date.

    October 2, 2022 at 12:50 pm #1116317

    And the sex part kinda pissed me off cause he said we shouldn’t see other people.
    I told him I’m down to be exclusive and all.
    I’m just not sure if he had sex with these people when we said to not see other people.
    If it was before that then no problems.

    Avatar photo
    October 2, 2022 at 1:47 pm #1116319

    IMO, if he was lying about his past relationship (I read this to mean he was saying he was single when he really had a gf, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong), I’d wager he is someone who would lie again about sleeping with other people after discussing exclusivity.

    Either way, it doesn’t sound like you like this guy much. It also sounds like you don’t trust him given that he has lied about his past and follows sketchy accounts on various social media platforms. He’s showing you his true colors and you don’t like them. And that’s fine… you don’t need to rationalize his dusty-ass behavior.

    But yes, it sounds like you just find the attention flattering but don’t really care much for him otherwise. You can move on and find someone who is communicative, attentive, and a good conversationalist without all the shady behavior.

    October 2, 2022 at 1:52 pm #1116320

    Break up already. This guy is not good relationship material.

    October 2, 2022 at 3:08 pm #1116324

    Yes, he told me he and his ex were broken up then after continuous communication for some time, he tells me they broke up but not really and it was complicated.

    But yes, I guess I just like the attention of someone texting me and calling always.
    I was also celibate for a while before him, though we didn’t exactly have that much sex but yeah.
    I guess it’s a combination of attention and good sex.
    Which rightfully I could still get from someone else with all the other benefits from a good relationship.

    October 2, 2022 at 5:11 pm #1116328

    Sounds like he likes you conditionally, not for you as a human.

    October 2, 2022 at 8:13 pm #1116329

    You don’t need a “Legit” reason to break up with anyone, at any time, for any thing, reason, change in mood, wind direction or none of those things or whatever. You get to just decide what you want to do in life and who and who not to date. At any point you can change your mind and break up!

    All that said to say, this guy definitely sounds like an asshole you shouldn’t be seeing, based solely on the small amount you’ve written here.

    October 16, 2022 at 7:55 pm #1116524

    I wish someone had told me years ago what Anonymousse said. You don’t need a “legit” reason to break up with someone. “This just isn’t feeling great to me” is a perfectly valid reason to end things. Frankly, from what you’ve said, this guy doesn’t sound like a great partner and the things you do get from him (attention, conversation, listening) you can get from a whole lot of guys who also treat you a lot better and that you’re more compatible with.

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Are these legit reasons to walk away or am I overthinking?

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